Comments
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That's some storyline! And a lesson for us all. I'm not sure there's anyone there to like though!
"warm eyes that hid a cold heart" is a great hook and title.
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Catchy title!
I like how you start in those first 3 lines, it both sets up a mood and also a pattern to the lines: 3 lines, short 1 at the end.
I think it would be great if you could repeat that pattern more. So you could re-arrange t…
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I like that start on "Hey Capt" really grabbed my attention. And it works to kind of restart the song for the 2nd half.
Good solid groove.
I like this line:" Let me sing you the tale of a fisherman’s dreeeeeam" nice t…
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I think the lo-fi style worked for this one. Maybe it's the early starship reference, but it just felt in sync with the song.
It's definitely got style and mood to it.
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I like this one. I think that opening verse is really good. Emotional, raw, honest.
And I love: "A labyrinth of hopeless calls"
As a minor suggestion ' voices lost it’s sound" } " voices lost their sound"
In the chorus it might…
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Very atmospheric and moody! Strong match between the vocal melody and the music.
And the video is a joy to watch as always!
Well done.
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I like the song. Not 100% sure about the bridge. I feel like the song would work just as well without.
I think "Makin' it, back home to me." makes the song work. It's not an inspiration line, but somehow it ties things together.
Good …
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The repetition is the most obvious structural element here, and your title line is the one that doesn't use it! It's a nice contrast and I think that works very well.
It feels like a modern, pop styling and I can imagine this working a litt…
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It's an interesting mix of an intimate personal experience and a hymn, and the latter part feels more like an exaltation
You might consider "You know nights when you cry" } "Nights when you cry", and similar with "times when you cry"
…
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Good fun!
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Yep, that's a good one! I particularly liked:
Heart strings and rhythms aligned
Fates and foot steps tied
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I like the theme here, the "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em" vibe, there's far less songs out there coming from this angle.
And it maintains a light enough mood to carry it off.
My favorite lines are:
"Build bridges …
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This one is a like an experience to just get lost in - all sensation
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Good to see the admixture of languages!
Strong emotion, and a sense of depth to the relationship. Good stuff there.
I think this phrase: " love and fun" is a little lighthearted for this song, and coming off "so much inner pain" in th…
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Structurally, I like how you repeat "He was a fine young man" the 2nd time, then switch it up at "He got a message from the telly" I think that works well.
Like the chorus with the vocals panning left/right.
The lyric doesn't speak to…
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This one feels like it was written for the sound of it rather than the storyline - and I don't mean that in any negative way, I'm just imagining it as an experiment on those lines, with a focus on the rhyming.
Comes off rather well…
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Only as finished as you want it to be!
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Guys, you have completely derailed this thread. You are free to make these kinds of comments in the General Discussion area, but respect the original poster and stick to comments about their song here.
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Ooh that came out well! Nice to hear it set to music 😁
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Ok, it looks you had posted this one in Original Songs category already, so I'll close this post.
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Moved.
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Very nice!
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I got more and more into this as the song went on.
Really like:
He needed the light of their hopes
like the flowers
need the water
You might consider: despite his hand stained :: s…
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Just lovely.
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Pretty good for one of your first efforts!
You might consider putting the Bridge into 2nd person to be consistent, unless you specifically want a change in POV there.
Could make a good country song too.
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Yeah that's nice. Gotta put you in a good mood listening to this.
"Out on a blue highway Heaven whispers" lovely line
Makes me want to jump on a bike and hit the road.
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I don't have a problem with your voice, but I do like a vocal track to be clear and prominent, and this one is a bit muddy and back in the mix. The guitar work is strong as usual!
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Cool! If it's intentional, then no problem - you're getting exactly the effect you were after!
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I am enjoying all of these!
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Lovely song. No argument from me about Gordon Lightfoot!
I'm enjoying these. Thanks for posting them!
Howdy, Stranger!