Comments
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Good job on the rework! I like this version much more.
I like redemption arc, and the set up ahead of the new egghead lines. Much better.
Kudos on being willing to edit and rework. Not everyone is able to step back and look objectivel…
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Love it! I definitely prefer the first version, which is yours I think.
"a groove so sweet" sums up the first version for me. It just glides effortlessly. The subdued vocal feels just right.
Really this should be on a record somewhere…
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This song seems more lyrically dominant than some of your others, and for that reason you might consider bringing the vocals forward in the mix and allowing them to take center stage.
It's also a bit less poetic and more down to earth in th…
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Wonderful performance Arnab! You are truly a talented musician and performer.
In terms of the songwriting, one thing I noticed was the piano was mirroring the vocal melody quite often, and I wonder if that is what Sid was picking up on when…
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There once was an angel
who entered my life.
Strong opening. Gets us to the heart of it right off the bat.
She made me believe in true
love at first sight.
Love the atmosphere! Right from the opening that got me in.
good and bad coexist in secret
they are lovers
Lovely lines! And quite profound.
I look in the closet for the color that dresses m…
Thank you Mora! Your own work is so rich, so I value such a comment from you :)
Thank you Arnab. Yes Bass, and Drums as well, I think would work well. I don't know about a release, but it would be nice to have a more complete recording and mix. I'm not unhappy with the Bridge as the vocal gets a dynamic lift into the chorus,…
With my moderators hat on, just a heads up that there are limits on what can be posted on TSF, and you're probably at the edge of them with this one. We aim to be a family friendly site.
Not trying to be a humourless curmudgeon, but better …
Thanks guys! Really appreciate the feedback
@StoneFlowers Glad you enjoyed it! Yes, CMaj7 is a go…
Thanks Sid! Yes, I deliberately left it ambiguous - maybe too much so!
Emotionally it's an arc about redemption through love and compassion from a shameful act. I wanted the focus to be on that emotional arc rather than specific actions in…
Yes, totally agree, wonderful song that.
Ah, but how far is too far until it starts feeling overdone? Not saying this one is though!!
Love the quiet vibe of this one.
It's a lovely story. I don't think it even needs the housefire to make it work. Almost everyone loves their mother and misses them when they are gone. I think it's universal enough that just not having her a…
Bill,
I am closing this thread.
TSF is not a religious site, but I do require that members exhibit respect towards other members - including their beliefs.
You've posted something that I regard as a provocative attack on Chr…
Now back to the song!
That is a lovely cool intro running down the notes! And repeated as a motif throughout.
This is the sort of song I can imagine being enjoyed around a campfire with those creatures all about, and everyone knowing …
Love the alliteration there on "Bob Dylan, Bloomingdales and Baltimore Dates"
I didn't find the female vocalist an issue. It's a third person perspective, so for me it worked fine either way. The Bridge suggests that perhaps the narrator i…
I'll leave this one for people who are more qualified to speak.
@Domd I've left literally '000s of comments on songs over the years trying to follow the advice above, with very few ru…
To be clear, I'm not advocating hiding faults in songs in order to appear more positive. Nor adopting some false persona.
What I am advocating is balanced, constructive feedback.
By balanced I mean pointing out strengths as well as we…
@bhengen Bill, your opinion is welcome. But if you are trying to help StoneFlowers, there are more constructive w…
I'll be closing this thread if it doesn't become co operative and constructive.
Arguing for the sake of arguing achieves nothing and helps no one.
If you are not commenting explicitly for the purpose of helping Tom write the …
Suitably trippy music! And yet that chorus is very singable...
There are no lack of wild theories about aliens! Kind of wish there were some about. Maybe we could learn something from them!
I think I'd have to hear it to do it justice.
Reading the lyric, it feels a bit disconnected. The Flood, Titanic and AI don't feel like a natural progression. I can see you're linking them via the no one listened phrase, but it feels a litt…
What a ride! So different. I'm also amazed that you were able to get that out of AI.
It's a piece you need to be in the mood for, but I really enjoyed it.
I love that "I am" is the completion of the journey. Feels both spiritual and p…
I don't know how you classify it, but I like it! It's fun and bounces along. Not taking itself too seriously, but it's really easy to listen to.
Good stuff!
Ok, let's all step back from personal comments. Comment on the song folks, not on each other.
The point of this thread is to help Tom improve the song he wants to write. Not to argue about whether he should be writing it. You always have the option not to comment.
I like the song, but it doesn't strike me as elevator music, unless it's changed since I was last in one. Elevator music was always a bit bland which this is not. But it's solid rockabilly.
Like Renee, I enjoyed both versions, but the 1st o…
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