Comments
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This one doesn't communicate as much to me, Renee. I don't understand what your trying to say with it. And to me that's something that should be in the lyric, rather than needing a comment to go with it.
It doesn't seem to be takin…
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Well technically Cat Stevens didn't write Morning Has Broken, only did an arrangement of it. Eleanor Farjeon wrote it. Swap it for Longer Boats!
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I'd probably have to hear it before making that call, but it's certainly been done before. You'd likely (though not certainly) come back on the verse rather than the chorus again, so you might find it slightly shorter done that way. But a musical…
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The Hurricane line is my favorite as well.
The switch from love to God threw me a little. I think it's Gods Love you're going for as the link here, but I'm not 100% convinced about it.
But overall it holds up nicely.
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Christmas can be an odd time of year. We choose to celebrate now (those who do!) and that can can be at odds with what is happening in the world, as you rightly point out here.
Musically, I think it might benefit from a little mor…
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Perhaps hints of Birth of Venus too, with the pearl shell and emerald lake?
Very strong visuals, and a good storyline.
Quiet poetic, and there's a couple of spots you might build on that:
Sitting forlorn → Crouching forlorn
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Classic blues and bottleneck! Strong vocal performance too.
Very good.
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I think there's a lot to like here, starting with the repetitive clock-like synth sounds.
Love the lyric. It's got its own unique voice and a story to tell.
I think you've put a lot of thought and effort into the instrumentation, and …
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I like the sound very much. Very smooth and polished, and enjoyable!
Around the 2 min mark it feels like the song simply restarts. That may not be accurate, I didn't test it word for word, but it felt that way. I think you would be better o…
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If you're looking for words to rhyme with fall, then "make us crawl" might be in the mix.
And yep! you gotta resing it if you make changes :)
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I think it's working very well.
I'd rather see "Lookin’ to kill us all" at the end of V1 rather than V2, so maybe switch those? And if you can it would be lovely to have a 3rd version rather than returning to "Lookin’ to kill us all" in V3.…
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Looking good!
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I'm really enjoying this thread with all the variety of tracks that people are listening to!
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A single black rose is a wonderful title, strong visual, and laden with meaning.
The chorus is the highlight for me. I also like the contrast of the warmth of the summer's day and the sadness of the occasion.
A sad, but beautiful song…
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Looking good Barry! great hook and title.
Like the others, I prefer "picking on the porch" (for the alliteration)
You might try: then I love my disease → then I'm lovin' my disease (depending on the fit to music)
For the choru…
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Can't say it better than @bhengen
I loved this line: "Butterflies of tarnished brass"
For me "Unlike…
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Yep, I see what you're going for now. Brief, poignant, just a moment in time thing. The dew on the morning rose is the entirety.
Does it work? I think the jury is probably out on that until it's set to music. It's a lovely lyric, just depen…
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Helpful comments! Thank you for that!
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Wild ride! Thanks for sharing the music link.
Spoken word makes perfect sense there, yes it fits quite smoothly.
Good stuff.
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Thank you Barry!
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Sense of humour is a life-saver! I think you're right on the mark with this one!
Good lyric, and the music is a good match for it.
You might try using some 7th chords in your chorus, at the end of line 2, and at "humor" in the last l…
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Interesting to use the Father as the instigator for change and the Son as the traditionalist, nice swap of roles!
The "Oh Babylon, once mighty Babylon" lines feel like they would be very easy to sing out on. Good fit for the chorus.
"…
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The first four lines read as a verse to me, with the second four feeling more like a chorus. That may or may not be your intent, but that's how I read it.
It feels like a country song, or certainly could fit in that genre.
And I foun…
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Mike was a great guy, and this is a lovely tribute to him. There was such an outpouring of love for him when he passed.
Great to see you back here. Hope you'll be posting a new song soon!
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Cool rocker. Very enjoyable. I think the music is stronger than the lyric, but it's all good.
You might consider adding more guitar in the chorus. It may be sparser there for contrast, but it feels like a place where the music should swell …
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Nice! Lot's of attitude. Good groove.
This line felt a little crowded: I never found much comfort I think you could easily make it I never found comfort if you wanted to.
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That's a great sound. Very smooth and polished. There are tools that can strip out just the vocal if you want to sing it yourself, but you certainly don't need to!
I particularly like the ending. AIs can have difficulty finding a good way t…
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Getting your message across loud and clear!
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Quite a story! And full of drama.
A very minor sug: all the people → all our people.
I'm guessing the light blinding his eyes at the end is the blindfold being removed? It feels a bit of a jump from firing squad to being President, …
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Listening to some Sufjan Stevens
Casamir Pulaski Day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfEkDqP34xo
Howdy, Stranger!