Comments
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Perhaps not, but it …
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No need for sarcasm, Bill.
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Moved!
I'm not sure how well "ten year town" is known outside the industry. I was unaware of it, though clearly I'm in a different country. It may need a line there to explain or hint at what it means. But maybe not. It's clear that most pe…
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I've seen poems before where a latter verse helps explain / interpret earlier verses. I'm wondering if you could use that idea here.
Have the bridge be something like:
Questioning meaning, questioning faith
Seeking dir…
What I meant was that they don't all have a dog called Lucy Rose or work as a maid, not that they wouldn't understand about struggle and difficulty. So for instance if you say "my dog" they can put their own dog into that space, but if you say "L…
Very dark twist at the end! Though it ended happily, I think it would have been too much otherwise. Didn't see it coming either.
Not sure about "My best interest". Maybe "My best move"? Normally I'd say "My best bet" but you've used bet a f…
That's brilliant that someone picked it up and recorded it! The bragging rights alone! I hope you registered the song and collected your songwriting dues - not for the $ which are likely small, but so you can claim you are a professional
I think you're on the right route with a tongue-in-cheek, whimsical tune. As a song for other people to enjoy, people are more interested in something they can relate to, or imagine themselves in. So more general, more comedic and less autobiogra…
Absolutely nailed it.
I read the lyric before your note, and I thought it was about AI, so I'd say the message is coming thru nice and clear.
Really like the chords you're using in the verses - and the melody! I like those drawn out notes.
Nice sharp endi…
What an impossible moment. Very tough indeed.
The music feels much more developed than the lyric in this one. The guitar has a classical arpeggiation feel to it which I enjoyed. And I like the synth for contrast. Especially around the 1 min mark.
The lyric feels more like a sketch outl…
I interpreted the chariot as a hearse (rightly or wrongly!). I wasn't sure on the writing. Some form of diagnosis?
Nice piece! Really like it when the flute kicks in. Some nice chord sequences there too.
I found the chords in the intro a little harsh. You might try arpeggiating every other one and try how that sounds. But its only a small part of the so…
Some really strong visuals here, and I like the train motif too. Portrays power as well as noise.
The chorus is set in the aftermath, past tense but I wonder if it would give it more immediacy and impact in the present tense:
All this…
Elvis, it sure seems like you are trying to record and perform on a professional, commercial basis.If you aren't targeting a market, you should be! Different if you are doing it as a creative hobby, then you can do anything you want.
I think this one is much more accessible to others. I'd say you're much closer to finding that balance point.
I still have to work a bit to understand it, but that's no bad thing! Having things to explore and find a 2nd and 3rd time is a go…
Don't paste in the tag l…
I'm not sure if you're aiming at a Christian audience here specifically, or a more general one. If the former it might be good to try and get some specific feedback from some believers. I look at phrases like "baptized in whiskey and ice" and thi…
Kind of ironic, because they will never hear this song on the radio either, but at least we gain the benefit of it here!
I really like the melody in the verse.
I'm a bit with Bill on the chorus - not because it's bad, but be…
Well that's the main thing! 😁
@RainbowKeeper You might be in the minority on that one! Not my favorite, but I can't say I hate it.
It makes for a grand story, but I don't think I'd want to meet them!
Long ago when I was at Uni I met up with a guy I'd known in high school. He cheerfully invited me to come out basing up gays on Friday night with him. I declined.
Are you a member of multiple songwriting forums Bill? You might get some more novelty and diversity by visiting other sites as well.
Yes, there's nothing really lesbian about it other than the gender of the singer. It could work either way.
It's a thought provoker. And relevant given how fast things are changing.
Made deliberately more confronting I suspect with th…
Good song Elvis!
To be honest, I feel like they've done too much in this mix. That bluesy guitar at the start felt really powerful, the first 30 seconds or so felt the best to me. I reckon it got a bit too intricate with all the ex…
So I'm interpreting this as: freedom is good, but needs to be guided by morality. Is that right? If so, then the message is coming thru.
The Bridge seemed a bit out of left field to me.I get there's a link there, but the switch to relations…
This works super well. Lots of strong visuals there. Good story. You're on a roll, Barry!
Music came out well too.
I really like this one! And perfect for Valentine's Day.
Great write.
Great chorus! Real punch to it.
I liked this too:
There’s no need to keep replaying
All those sad home movie reels.
and this one as well
Cut out my conscience with a knife.
Howdy, Stranger!