Comments
-
This one was both obscure and painful. But sorted now.
Big thanks to Bill @bhengen who was helping a lo…
-
Ok, I think we finally have it sorted. If anyone is having problems please let me know.
-
Wonderful chorus, really draws you in. Nice mixture of emotion and story.
Good stuff, Elvis!
-
I like what you have Tommy, but I feel like it might benefit from a short chorus as well. Sort of:
10,000 words could never express
10,000 words, my happiness
-
Nice! I particularly like the verses.
I had trouble with "the circle" in the chorus too. I think "circle of light" or, as Bill had it, "like the light from..." will make it clearer that it's the light making the circle.
But the rest f…
-
There's quite a bit of repetition in the song, and I think that works a treat. It puts me in mind of people running around screaming, so totally supports your message.
-
Was this one inspired by "I am the walrus" by any chance?
I can see an emphasis on the sounds reflected there.
For me, a song is a chance to communicate something to the listener, whether through the words, mood or music. I'm not get…
-
Wonderful! It's amazing how fast the block can disappear once something clicks - and how painful it is until it does!
-
Lovely.
-
Nice track. Is this someone you know Elvis?
-
How about "you sew a lot of nerves?" ;)
-
The reply sounds a bit pro forma, but hey it's encouraging! Worth a shot. Best of luck, Elvis, you deserve success.
-
Bill, I seriously doubt anyone else is going to write something that sounds remotely like it's from your mind!!
But in terms of getting unstuck, grab some words that are in context:
- Skull grinning
- Ritual
- dark rite…
-
I'm afraid that I don't. What years were you here? There's a lot of turnover in these kind of forums, so there may not be a lot of familiar faces, but there are still good people!
-
Great story. Lots of detail, and I felt like I was watching events unfold.
Structurally, the song might benefit from a Bridge just to vary things a little more. Maybe the verse where she starts sinking deeper into drugs and evil men could b…
-
That does sound good! The song itself was always good, but the production sounds very polished.
I'm not 100% on the harmony. I'd rather keep it for key lines , whereas here it's used fairly generously. But maybe the final mix will take ca…
-
Carroll, I like the verses here, but the chorus feels like the weakest part, when it should be the strongest.
I think you need to try and summarize the song there, preferably ending on your title and hook. So something more like:
"Jus…
-
At the moment you have a list of cartoon names, but there's no message here. What do you want to say about them? Are you celebrating them? Perhaps your lyric should talk about what's great about them, how they make you feel etc.
-
Welcome back. I like the sound!
If you would like feedback on individual songs, then please do as Sid suggested and posting them individually (one per day) including the lyrics. Also remember that we ask you comment on two other songs for …
-
Lovely reminder that good things continue to happen if you look for them.
The melody in the chorus is really nice, and my favorite lines - just from the sound of them - are there too:
Miracles and wonders
A little rain…
Another strong song Carroll, you're knocking them out of the park!
Love the way you personify the emotions, and the conversations with them. You might consider:
We lamented on life as we poured. → We lamented on life …
That's a good one Carroll. Hits hard. Really pulls on the emotions.
I like the nostalgic opening, The love of the young man for his grandpa as a mirror for what the grandfather felt for his wife.
Structurally the recorded song has evo…
I'm surprised how much string buzz there is in the bass. It's probably completely normal, I don't have much experience with Bass, just wasn't aware of it.
Really clean recording here, that was the very first thing that struck me.
This feels like a love song to a specific person, one who shares the experiences described. If so, I expect they would love it. There's a sense of detail and intimac…
And you’ll never find romance without an iPhone down your pants
what a line! That made me laugh out loud.
It's a great lyric, though it makes me glad I am not in the market for Modern Love.
Very nice lead…
No question. A professional is going to lift a song.
When you're trying to pitch songs for a living, that's the way to go.
It's surprising how far you can go on home equipment nowadays if it's just to share with friends.
Building up nicely Elvis!
Thank you.
I enjoyed the alliteration here:
Reminiscing, recollecting,
Reliving yesterdays.
I like the combined use of :
Now he’s nothing, he is no one.
and
<…"Mr Used To Be" is a great hook. Music sounds good.
Can't really comment on the lyric because once again you have neglected to post it.
"Bars Guitars And Cadillac Cars" Well you can't get more country than that! Nice rolling rhythm and rhyme to it.
The melody in the chorus is a little too similar to that in the verse for me. But that's my only crit. The rest is very smooth.…
Howdy, Stranger!