Longing
partially inspired by beatlsFan64 song and listening to the platters, I wrote this.
https://suno.com/song/8029c79d-01e1-4f3c-9583-c5cc8a8d935d
[Verse 1]
The creaking sound of my rocking chair.
And the smell of fresh coffee fills the air.
I sit, here watching the families at play.
On this warm, breezy, summer's day.
[Pre-Chorus]
Like flickerin old movies, are memories of old
In the melting hands of time, fond stories are told
[Chorus]
Into the void I'm free falling (I'm falling, I'm falling)
As heavenly voices are calling (keep calling, keep calling)
And the lemon yellows turn to shades of purple hues
I long for the day when i can be with all of you
[Verse 2]
The smell of freshly cut grass, invades my senses
From a time when we played freely, without fences
Wrapped in blankets of snow in winter season
Fondly remembering a time spent without reason
[Pre-Chorus]
Like flickerin old movies, are memories of old
In the melting hands of time, fond stories are told
[Chorus]
Into the void I'm free falling (I'm falling, I'm falling)
As heavenly voices are calling (keep calling, keep calling)
And the lemon yellows turn to shades of purple hues
I keep longing for the day when i can be with all of you
[Outro]
In stillness, the rocking chair creaks no longer
And the smell of stale coffee becomes stronger
On clouds of radiant glow, my family and I play
In the warmth of heaven's glory, forever days
[Chorus]
Into the void I've free fallen (I've fallen, I've fallen)
As heavenly voices no longer call (no longer call, no longer call)
The shades of purple hues now turned to shades of pure white
The day is now, when I can be with all of you
Comments
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On this occasion Bill, it feels like a mismatch between the music and the tone of the lyrics.
Taken separately, each is good, but together in my opinion, it's not working.
The title and focus "longing" would seem to dictate a more sombre tempo to capture the mood of the words.
To keep the music, clearly some change in the lyrics is needed. Maybe build around the theme of something like "heavenly Joy".
Sid
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@sidshovel - I agree... i struggled with the title.. I had evening poem.. I think i'll drop the music and go towards more something more introspective and somber
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By the way, the actual music/vocals you got off Suno were really good for the genre, vocals, backing singers, harmony, brilliant!
You have a knack for that app.
Sid
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@sidshovel - Sid, thanks.. it was.. so with the right lyrics, it will sounds better..
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