Final destination
Kind of got the idea from the first few lines of marshall tucker's can't you see.
https://suno.com/song/3626bc15-b5d8-46f7-a20f-9e408e8b5101
I know the Ritchie blackmore's reference is specific to me, and could expain it, but I think i'll leave that implied. The bridge however, not sure if the two words relate back to the previous line of "final terminal"
[Verse 1]
Traveling through the countryside
Takin my time, driving real slow
Following the wandering path
Ritchie Blackmore's on the radio
[Verse 2]
Up ahead is a fork in the road,
Not sure which path to take,
Right now, I could use your guidance
On which decision to make
[Chorus]
Drivin you to the train station
Where you goin only the good lord knows
I hope your traveling lightly
Your tickets punched, and ready to go
[Verse 3]
Unfortunately, it took a tragedy
Bringing us ever closer again
Renewing a dormant bond
Forever in my heart it remains
[Verse 4]
Sundays we would spend all day
Talking football, which team was best
But as the days turned to months
You'd spend more time at rest
[Chorus]
Drivin you to the train station
Where you goin only the good lord knows
I hope your traveling lightly
Your tickets punched, and ready to go
[Verse 5]
On my long drive to Santa Barbara,
We spoke openly and cleared the air.
Said what was needed to be said,
A special time I'm glad we shared
[Bridge]
We've arrived at the final terminal,
Two words, you admitted to me,
Words I wished to keep buried
The truth you wanted me to see
[Outro]
Standing at the train station
In my mind, watching you board
In my heart, there's closure
Your now at peace with the lord
Comments
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hmmm...got me wondering what those 'two words' or the few words (if you took two words as a few words) she said to you were; I can't quite make the connection, Billy. Oh! Now I see as I reread the entire lyric. This woman died; very sad indeed.
I'm a little confused in V2 "Right now, I could use 'your' guidance". Is 'your' referring to her or the Lord?
I'm also taking this story to be a friend helping a friend end it all under a terminal circumstance. Please pardon me if I got that wrong but rereading it again, that's the feeling I got.
And 'Ritchie Blackmore' is fine. If someone isn't familiar they can always look it up as I did. And the music sits well with the words. And in this case a woman singer works well tho' I expected a make mostly due to V4; football.
Well, you got my 2-cents for it's worth,
Renee
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@HummerWisdom - v2 I meant my sister's guidance.. or I could leave it open to interpretation. I just realized I took out whom I was talking about when I rephrased it :).. I could change two words, to those two words, shouldn't break the cadence.. this is actually written about my sister who just passed..
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@bhengen I am so sorry to hear about your sister, Bill. I meant no disrespect. My deepest condolences. May she rest in peace. 🕊️
Renee
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@HummerWisdom - Hi Renee.. no disprect taken, you gave your honest opinion about the song, I respect that :).. and thanks.
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@HummerWisdom - to be further depressing, the song donna is about my sister, and the song suspended in time, is about what i was going through when my wife was sick..
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its a tad hard to follow . But I got the gist after two listens
its a country song , that structure is usually V1 V2 Ch V3 Ch B Ch
But that's alight , rules are meant to be broke
Sorry to hear about your sister , I lost 2 of them
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@ElvisNash - thanks elvis.. the more I look at it with fresh eyes, it does seem a little disjointed.. sorry about your sisters.. donna was the last of my 3 sisters to go.. then again, I may just leave it alone,, as it might resonate with somebody..
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@bhengen the more I learn in this thread the more I feel for you, my friend. And these personal songs of loss are, at least for me, the hardest to write. Down the road, they write themselves, clearer.
My heart goes out to you, Bill,
Renee
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@HummerWisdom - thanks Renee.. here's what I was thinking, and I need to convey this better.. I was envisioning, somebody following the hearse to the graveyard. the grave site is the train station.. what are your thoughts while following it along.. so these are my thoughts as we drive along.
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@bhengen I think that is a GREAT idea as you say: "somebody following the hearse to the graveyard. the grave site is the train station.."
Just need to make it clearer from the get-go in V1; set the stage so to speak.
Hope this helps,
Renee
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@HummerWisdom - How do you say something without saying it.. the mind is wandering as you a driving along. So I think I need to make it from that perspective
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Beautiful song Bill, well written.
Thank you,
Sid
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@bhengen you got me there, Bill. I write pretty much from a straightforward perspective. If you're speaking metaphorically, then somehow you've got to make those metaphors make sense; make them mean what you want your listener to understand. In this case, following the funeral procession to the graveyard/train station. I don't know of any other way to show this other than to say it. And then land on the train station as the metaphor so the listener gets it.
Also, since the song is about your sister, it would be nice for the listener to know who the song is about so they can empathize with the loss of a family member of which everyone can do.
And we all, or at least most of us, I'm assuming, hope to be going to Heaven. So, the 2nd line in the chorus, maybe there's a way to say something to that effect instead ??
I hope I've been more help than hindrance,
Renee
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@HummerWisdom - When you read the chorus, what does it say to you? i'm thinking it's not conveying the message clearly :)
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@bhengen I agree it's not clear; and I'm honored you would ask me for my input. It wasn't clear until you told me what the song was about. Maybe if you tried something like the following:
Drivin' you to that train station
That big ol' train station in the sky
Saint Peter waitin' at the gate
Angels wiping the tears from your eyes
Just to make 'train station' clear. And painting a picture of what Heaven might be like. And then, you could always use the Chorus you currently have in a Verse if you wanted to.
I hope this helps and I wish you the best on this song, Bill. I can see it really means a lot to you and I'm sure your sister is smiling down on you from Heaven,
Renee 💌
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Wow, this is such a good write, and it's plain to see this is from the heart and personal to you. My condolences, thank you for sharing this.
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@HummerWisdom - in all honestly the whole song needs to be rethought and made more clear, it reads more like disjointed statements.. @Barry - thanks and your welcome.
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