What's wrong with you
https://suno.com/song/c34f5d08-b4c5-48c7-8b38-b277a7080a85
[Verse 1]
Slammin doors and a cocked gun
Scramblin, got nowhere to run
Angry woman with demon eyes
Stammerin words, the whore cries
[Chorus 1]
Layin in a whiskey bottle sea
Why are you doing this to me
She’s no more than a whore
As I’ve told you before
[Verse 2]
You’re upset, I can clearly see
Stop pointing that thing at me
Somethins very wrong with you
You can’t see it from my view
[Chorus 1]
Layin in a whiskey bottle sea
Why are you doing this to me
She’s no more than a whore
As I’ve told you before
[Bridge]
A gun shot, the whore drops
She passes out, my heart stops
Lord, oh Lord, can’t you see
What she’s doing to me
[Chorus 2]
Lyin in a pool of my own pee
Why are you doing this to me
She’s no more than a whore
As I’ve told you before
[Outro]
The scent of perfume leaves
And I am very relieved
So glad that’s done
Wanna have some fun?
Comments
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Another very good song Bill, enjoyed it very much.
excellent story subject to a couple of proviso's.
constructive comments:
As written, the storyline does leave a few unanswered/unclear questions.
Who's the angry woman, whore get shot or just faint, why are you lying in a pool of piss,
Outro
And I am very relieved
So glad that’s done
Words seem out of context with the rest, possible revision?
None of my comments detract from the overall story, it's great, maybe just a bit of polish.
Sid
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@sidshovel - fair points... it is a bit vague.. my thoughts was a woman comes home from a business trip and catches her husband with a prostitute, again.. he 's lying in his piss because he was scared.. the wife shoots in the air.. I think what happened in my attempts to get it to the beat I wanted, I removed some of the relative points :).
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To be honest, that's how I read it.
Sometimes just the smallest of changes are needed to clarify/help.
i.e., (My) angry woman with demon eyes
(Kneelin') in a pool of my own pee
(Gunshot echoes,) the whore drops
(She's fainted,) my heart stops
And I am very relieved
(Get up off my knees)
So glad that’s done
(Thank God, no harm done)
I love your work Bill, so please keep sharing.
Sid
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@sidshovel - Ok, Sid, reworked the lyrics and changed the title to Whisky bottle sea.
https://suno.com/song/bebbfb10-7d59-4f04-9092-15960de520ce
The music has a blues gospel sound to it :)
[Verse 1]
My angry woman with a loaded gun
Bursts in the room, nowhere to run
Pointin' the gun between my eyes
I let out a shriek and the whore cries
[Chorus]
Layin in a whiskey bottle sea
Why are you doing this to me
I’ve told you many times before
She’s no more than just a whore
[Verse 2]
You’re upset, I can clearly see
Stop pointing that thing at me
Somethins very wrong with you
You can’t see my point of view
[Chorus]
Layin in a whiskey bottle sea
Why are you doing this to me
I’ve told you many times before
She’s no more than just a whore
[Verse 3]
The gun drops to the floor
The whore's out the door
I beg for you to stay
But you turn and walk away
[Chorus]
Layin in a whiskey bottle sea
Why are you doing this to me
I’ve told you many times before
She’s no more than just a whore
[Outro]
My life passed before my eyes
Thought I was going to die
But now I've been set free
To lay in my whisky bottle sea
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Take a bow Bill, one nice piece of work.
Got this spot on, in my opinion.
Love it.
Sid
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@sidshovel - Thanks. sid.. i really love the chorus.. it's catchy to me..
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