introspection
not sure about the flow
[Verse 1]
A lonely silhouette gazes upon the sea,
Mind adrift, immersed in contemplation,
As the moonlight dances on the water,
Awakening memories long abandoned
[Verse 2]
If you could change the past, would you?
Is cause and effect not an illusion?
If the path is unclear, does it truly matter?
Are we not bound by the confines of time?
[Chorus]
Pulling at the threads of choices,
Unraveling every decision,
Seeking answers to unresolved questions,
Entangled in branches of indecision
[Verse 3]
As consciousness reawakens,
No longer tethered by uncertainty
Unburdened by inner demons,
My soul now breathes free
[Verse 4]
New memories are sparks of life.
The subconscious transcends.
The mind and soul are liberated,
Woven into the fabric of time.
[Chorus]
Pulling at the threads of choices past,
Unraveling every decision,
Seeking answers to unresolved questions,
Entangled in branches of indecision
[Outro]
And the cycle continues, old becomes new,
Death and rebirth, locked cyclically,
Like the snake eating its tail for infinity.
Comments
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At the moment this feels like a poem more than a song to me. I can't find a rhythm to it, just reading it. If it's to be a song, then it has to be something that can be set to music. It's possible that you have it sorted in your mind, and it's just not coming across to me.
The style is very philosophical and abstract. That's unusual for a song, but there's no right or wrongs in that regard. It may be harder for you to find examples of similar songs that you can learn from though. I do have trouble imagining someone singing this. Do you have a musical style in mind for it?
I do like the "lonely silhouette" in V1 and "moonlight dances on the water". Those are strong visual elements that help establish a scene and let me put myself into a context, though they are far from the central elements of your lyric.
My advice would be to re-orient yourself around music, even if you are only writing a lyric. Think of the musical style and preferably an artist that you would like to perform this, and then re-write it as if that person were singing it. Consider how the words sound as well as what they mean. Try to write it such that you fall into a pattern when reading it aloud.
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Thanks for the comment, I agree with most of that...
there is an ai program called suno, where you can import lyrics into
https://suno.com/song/c4fa0117-c46a-48d7-8411-e5b0be3fc289 -
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Suno is wonderful technology. Results vary, but that's a decent rendition of your lyric.
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yes.. is true about the results.. there is one song that at the end sounds like the gate of hell opening.. :)
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To be honest, I read your lyrics before RDM posted his comments and I came to the same conclusion as he did. I am however, aware that he has a much better way of putting over points than I do, so I waited.
His comments are spot on, and you did right to run it through Suno to get an idea. The result reminds me of Enya without the orchestrals.
As RDM commented, the lyrics are abstract, and as such, very difficult predict how the listener will react.
You need to build a framework of descriptive logic for the listener to latch on to and hang your philosophy onto that.
The lyrics are good, no doubt. To put into a song you need to make some adjustments to form, structure and rhyme and you will definitely have a good song there.
To end on a comment;
In the chorus you rhyme indecision and decision, consider;
"Entangled in branches of confusion", to avoid repetition.
Look forward to seeing how you develop this.
Thanks for sharing.
Sid
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thanks for the response.. that's a good point about the decision / indecision, I was thinking point / counterpoint. I'll look into the suggestion about the descriptive logic.. food for thought.. thanks :)
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