New song - critique appreciated
I wrote and recorded the below song recently. What do you think? Any and all criticism, good or bad, is appreciated.
https://gloriousmagicalfields.bandcamp.com/track/what-happened-to-my-life
Comments
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Hi,
Thanks for posting and welcome.
It's normal practice on this forum to post the lyrics here together with the link to the song.
This will improve the likelihood of getting the feedback for your submission.
Thanks
Sid
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Hello and welcome to TSF!
Got a real rock vibe going there, it's got a definite style and mood, and attitude!
I'm afraid my ears aren't good enough to hear the lyrics clearly on this track, so if you would like feedback on those I would ask you to post them here as part of this thread.
You can clearly play! I like the solos.
I like where you use the doubled vocals in parts, though you always need to be careful not to make it too distracting.
This song is begging for a drum track coming in after the first couple of bars.
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Thank you for listening and your encouraging, kind words. I would like to add drums and more but right now I don't have that capability, the time and my environment right now is not that good for creativity. It was fun to do something with what I have. Here are the lyrics to "What happened to my life":
Five years later
I'm depressed again
Will I ever get out
Or is this my end
I had it made
But I threw it away
I can't stand it no more
Flyin' around the world
Lookin' at all the girls
I had everything I'd ever need
Now I can't take it no more
Five years later
I'm depressed again
Will I ever get out
Or is this my end
I had it made
But I threw it away
I can't stand it no more
Flyin' around the world
Lookin' at all the girls
I had everything I'd ever need
Now I can't take it no more
Five years later
I'm depressed again
Will I ever get out
Or is this my end
I had it made
But I threw it away
I can't stand it no more
Flyin' around the world
Lookin' at all the girls
I had everything I'd ever need
Now I can't take it no more
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Thanks for posting those!
My suggestion would be to write new separate verses for v2 and v3 rather than repeating v1 (though you could possibly do a new v2 then return to repeat v1 the 3rd time round). Our brains love repetition with variation, so if you do that, you might start each verse with Five years later ... to give it that.
In terms of what you might put in v2 or v3, the lyric so far tells us that he has lost it all, but not what he lost, or how he lost it, so that might give you somewhere to go.
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Those are good suggestions. I never really considered the lyrics. But the title of the song can't answer the question of how he lost it.
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It sounds to me as if you are more focused on the musical and vocal side of things and less so the lyrics.
That's fine we all tend to lean where our strengths lie, I focus more on lyrics than I do on music.
Why not consider collaborations with some of the songwriters on this site, they can supply the lyrics and you the music/vocals!
Sid
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I don't want to collaborate with anyone. I did it once though and it came out ok but then it was like it's not mine, and I can imagine it it ever sold anything! I will post that song, which actually is fairly good.
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I listened to this and some of your others songs...killa guitar work and mysterious vocals make for a very unique sound.
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Welcome.
I'd have to agree with the comments above and encourage you to keep exploring your strengths but also dive into what you aren't as strong in.
Stepping outside our comfort zone we find new knowledge, experience new perceptions and formulate new ideas. We grow and evolve.
I liked your concept of theme in the song and how it is a lingering emotion long after the fact. Also liked your conciseness as it did convey the meaning.
It could evolve into a piece with real emotional depth too by diving deeper into the five years later. What is happening that shows the depression five years that makes it notable. What happened to cause it in the first place. Is there anything this narrator has done to try to rise out of the depression or anything they've done to cause it's lingering. How has it affected their life, their self beliefs and other emotions.
You have endless possibilities which can be hard to focus on and express.
These are my suggestions as I offer them but do not wish to impose.0 -
Thanks. That's great feedback. In fact it got me thinking about creating an hour long song that is a story. Even I, who doesn't put much thought into lyrics, might like something like doing this and listening to something like it. I'm not about to get recording equipment right now so the sound quality won't be as good as I would like.
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I noticed you said you don't have the ability to add a drum track. It's entirely up to you, but there is free software out there that can enable you to do that kind of thing if you want to. If you search for free DAWs (digital audio workbench) for your computer (Windows mac, linux) you'll find a bunch of them! Cakewalk is an amazing tool, but it does require some time and effort to learn to use it.
Once you have a DAW you can get virtual drum kits to use inside it - again free. Steven Slate Free version is one I've used but again there are a bunch of them if you search.
You can usually just pick a drum pattern, then record your guitar and vocal in the DAW whilst listening to the drum track and mix it all in your DAW. Apologies if I'm telling you how to suck eggs and this is familiar territory for you. Not trying to push you into anything, just letting you know you have options.
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No. That's great information. That's what's so amazing about the internet - people can share really good information with anyone, anywhere. This is also, I believe, where the world will be trending politically as people come to realize that culture is what makes a society function for safety and happiness, not rules or "government", on the whole.
I will look into it but I don't have the time to start learning things that may take time and are involved. I will in the future but not right now.
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Howdy, Stranger!