Water's dark and mean
https://audius.co/sidshovel/waters-dark-and-mean (right click, select open link in new tab) for song
lyrics SS music/vocals Ai
[intro]
[verse 1]
It was quiet on the beach, in the darkness the newborn cried,
Fear was in us all, trust went quietly, we knew the man had lied.
Water bottles and broken lifejackets were thrown our way,
some tried to put them on, most gave up, tossing them away.
verse 2
Don't ignore our childrens innocence, or stand and watch us die.
We ask for no more than a chance, for our young ones to survive.
We're not coming for your jobs, your religion or your wives.
Our children look to us, to feed them and save their lives.
chorus
This was not a pleasure, no joyful game for me,
we were being left, to the mercy, of a cold and cruel sea.
Once proud and decent people, we run from all we've seen,
we trust our lives to you, and the waters dark and mean.
verse 3
The boat is overcrowded, no protection from the gale,
waves sweep in over the side, everything is cold and wet.
The storm thunders, women and children start to wail,
water rises in the boat, it's sinking, we panic and start to bail.
chorus
This was not a pleasure, no joyful game for me,
we were being left, to the mercy, of a cold and cruel sea.
Once proud and decent people, we run from all we've seen,
we trust our lives to you, and the waters dark and mean.
bridge
A huge wave hits the front, tosses everyone in the air,
bodies crash into the sea, screams rise above the noise.
Arms beckon to the sky, to save them from this hell,
God grabs me by my coat, "here's another one he yelled".
chorus
This was not a pleasure, no joyful game for me,
we were being left, to the mercy, of a cold and cruel sea.
Once proud and decent people, we run from all we've seen,
we trust our lives to you, and the waters dark and mean.
outro
We trust our lives to you, and the waters dark and mean.
Those waters dark and mean.
Those waters dark and mean.
Comments
-
That's gripping. There's a real tension to it. And I love "the waters dark and mean".
Verse 1 gets me right into it, both the context and the mood.
I'd suggest swapping what's currently verse 2 with your chorus and vice-versa. Though you will want to keep "the waters dark and mean" in the chorus. Maybe something like:
Don't ignore our children's innocence, or stand and watch us die.
We ask for no more than a chance, for our young ones to survive.
We're not coming for your jobs, your religion or your wives.
In the waters dark and mean, we trust to you our lives.
And I think "This was not a pleasure,..." would sit very comfortably after verse 1.
I also really like "God grabs me by my coat" as from the perspective of someone in the water it would seem that way, even if acting through the arm of someone more mundane.
I think this one calls out for some minor chords and moody tones to match the lyric.
0 -
Now that's what I call constructive comment.
Excellent recommendations which do improve the story.
I'll introduce the changes and run it through Ai again with a different prompt.
Many thanks,
Sid
Revised lyrics below:
[intro]
[verse 1]
It was quiet on the beach, in the darkness the newborn cried,
Fear was in us all, trust went quietly, we knew the man had lied.
Water bottles and broken lifejackets were thrown our way,
some tried to put them on, most gave up, tossing them away.
[verse 2]
This was not a pleasure, no joyful game for me,
we were being left, to the mercy, of a cold and cruel sea.
Once proud and decent people, we run from all we've seen,
we trust our lives to you, and the waters dark and mean.
[chorus]
Don't ignore our children's innocence, or stand and watch us die.
We ask for no more than a chance, for our young ones to survive.
We're not coming for your jobs, your religion or your wives.
In the waters dark and mean, we trust to you our lives.
[verse 3]
The boat is overcrowded, no protection from the gale,
waves sweep in over the side, everything is cold and wet.
The storm thunders, women and children start to wail,
water rises in the boat, it's sinking, we panic and start to bail.
[chorus]
Don't ignore our children's innocence, or stand and watch us die.
We ask for no more than a chance, for our young ones to survive.
We're not coming for your jobs, your religion or your wives.
In the waters dark and mean, we trust to you our lives.
bridge
A huge wave hits the front, tosses everyone in the air,
bodies crash into the sea, screams rise above the noise.
Arms beckon to the sky, to save them from this hell,
God grabs me by my coat, "here's another one he yelled".
[chorus]
Don't ignore our children's innocence, or stand and watch us die.
We ask for no more than a chance, for our young ones to survive.
We're not coming for your jobs, your religion or your wives.
In the waters dark and mean, we trust to you our lives.
[outro]
We trust our lives to you, and the waters dark and mean.
Those waters dark and mean.
Those waters dark and mean.
0
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