Under Her Hypnosis (early demo version)

This is an early demo version of one of the tracks on my forthcoming CD Omega's Dark. The track isn't ready for Soundcloud, etc., yet. If anyone has opinions for improvement at this early stage, your comments are welcome. In the outro, a female friend in Oz is working on the 'woman whispering' and giggle/laugh parts for me. Once she finishes, I'll replace those parts in the demo with her vocals and create a better production/master, then I'll have a music video made for the song. 😀😎

https://app.box.com/s/bawtxjn4fegnvtbmlno9qoj2arcosty0

Under Her Hypnosis
Words and Music: Joseph Spain
Produced by: Joseph Spain
© 2024 Joseph Spain
song from my forthcoming horror novel "Omega's Dark: The Transference"

--Verse 1
You used to be a lovely girl
Sorta lonely, kinda cute in your own way
Now that's in the past
And lost with yesterday

--Verse 2
You used to be the special one
With a radiance you made all faces smile
Now that didn't last
You've only tears to cry

Pre-chorus 1
My new love is a mega-force
She's got me, she's the one
Her draw is an attraction
With the pull 'n power of a thousand suns

--Chorus
I'm into her like a comet's tail I chase behind
Our love storm's like a winter's blizzard white-out leaves me blind
She comes and moves in her spirit 
Her love takes us high
Up off the ground
Far beyond the clouds
I'm under her hypnosis now

--Release
She comes and moves and her water sends me higher now

--Verse 3
You used to be so fun to kiss
Sorta clever, kinda new in your own way
But that's over now
That ship has sailed away

--Verse 4
You used to be the only one
With a perfect whisper wrapped in love so shy
But you're over now
You've many tears to dry

--Pre-chorus 2
My new love is the only force
Behind her there's no one
Her call is an attraction
With the pull 'n power of a million suns

(repeat chorus/release)

--Bridge
Bliss is the lost state of mind
An illusion in the sky
I'm out of orbit chasing her
Past the moons of Neptune 
Drawn into her light

(repeat chorus x1)

-- outro
She comes and moves and her water sends me higher now
woman whispering: (you're under my hypnosis now) 
She comes and moves and her water brings me higher love
woman whispering: (you're under my hypnosis now)
She comes and moves and her water sends me higher now
woman whispering: (you're under my hypnosis now) 
She comes and moves and her water brings me higher love
woman whispering: (you're under my hypnosis now)
She comes and moves and her water sends me higher now
woman whispering: (you're under my hypnosis now ha ha ha) 
She comes and moves and her water brings me higher love