Back home to me Lyrics

sidshovel
sidshovel merseyside
in Original Songs & Lyrics for review

Back home to me


verse 1

Like a tornado wearin' a tutu

Your not pretendin' to be, somethin' that you ain't

What you see, is what you get

It's your god givin' right, so go make a complaint


verse 2

All the other girls wanted to be, related to Taylor Swift

Your idol was Janis Joplin, had her poster on your wall

Wore ripped jeans from your early teens

Changed your name, to Janes Dean, as I recall


chorus

Well, your out there, for all to see

Causin' chaos, from Alaska to Nebraska

Slippin' and Slidin', weavin' 'n windin',

Makin' your way, back home to me


verse 3

Boys gave you a wide berth, I thought that you were great

A sugar rush on salad days, I wanted to be like you

You formed a band, and went on the road

Leavin' a path of debris, wherever you passed through


chorus

Well, your out there, for all to see

Causin' chaos, from Alaska to Nebraska

Slippin' and Slidin', weavin' 'n windin',

Makin' your way, back home to me


bridge

Your bus went through a barrier, fell into the icy river

The water was too cold, for anyone to survive

I asked your mother, for the poster on your wall

It's sits there over our bed, my way to keep you alive


chorus

Well, your out there, for all to see

Causin' chaos, from Alaska to Nebraska

Slippin' and Slidin', weavin' 'n windin',

Makin' your way, back home to me

Comments

  • RainyDayMan
    RainyDayMan

    Another good story told.

    My favorite phrase here is "Like a tornado wearin' a tutu", though that line looks about half as long as other Line 1s in the verses.

    "A sugar rush on salad days" is another good one.

    Boy that Bridge gave a whole new meaning to "Slippin' and Slidin', weavin' 'n windin'"

    Suggestions: "Nebraska" ➡️ "Tennessee" (for the rhyme). I can see you've got one already, but depends on how it's sung.

    "went through" ➡️ "crashed through"

    "your not" ➡️ "you're not", and ditto for "your out there"

  • sidshovel
    sidshovel merseyside

    Hi Owen.

    Thanks for your feedback, if I can just pick your brains on some detail.

    I am currently reading up on the theory of songwriting and trying to implement certain recommendations.

    Not sure if I'm doing some things right

    1 The short line in the 1st verse (Try to grab readers/listeners attention in the first line)

    Are you saying fine, but still maintain parity with the length of the other verses?

    2 Chorus Rhyme scheme (trying to move away from too much XAXA)

    Tried enclosed rhyme in lines 1 and 4 outside 2 x inline rhymes 2 and 3

    Further thoughts on Rhyme scheme plus use of "Causin' chaos, from Alaska to Nebraska"

    Something like "Causin' chaos in Alaska, to mayhem in Nebraska"?

    Spot on with "crashed through"

    Your/You're pure sloppiness, no excuses

    Thanks again for You're (sic) invaluable feedback

    Sid

  • ChrisPrice
    ChrisPrice

    Can I chip in here if you don't mind? I kinda think there's a bit too much made about the theory of songwriting. We do tend to stick to formulas of one kind or another, both with lyrics and musical arrangements. I most certainly do. But I don't think we should be too analytical about it. Sometimes the best things happen when we just go with the flow. Just my opinion of course.

    I'm liking these lyrics as I do with everything I've read of yours thus far. I don't think you need to worry about the structure. There's a song to be had here for sure.

  • RainyDayMan
    RainyDayMan

    Syd, you may be ahead of me on songwriting theory! I just go with what seems right to me. If these things are all deliberate, keep 'em in!

    1. short first line. I'm just having trouble imagining how it fits, but you can always leave it like that till it's set to music, then see how it sounds.
    2. I know you are fond of less common rhyming structures so stick to your guns. I find the common ones are common for a reason but that's just me!
  • sidshovel
    sidshovel merseyside

    Thanks Owen,

    I bow to your greater experience and take what you said on board.

    Sid

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User]

    Amusing lyrics, Sid! 😂 An American singer named Ray Stevens had some modest hits in the 60s and 70s in a genre referred to as country/comedy/novelty. A couple of his tunes were 'Ahab the Arab' and 'The Streak'. I could imagine Stevens singing a song like this. 😀

    Cheers,

    Joseph

  • Jayden
    Jayden US
    edited July 2024

    [Content removed by Admin]

    • Advertising is not permitted onTSF.


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