Jane Callin'
Finally got something decent from SUNO for this song, I kind of liked my keyboard doo-wop backing vocals and I still don't think it's quite right...
I'm curious what the perception is of the story being told in this song.
ORIGINAL: https://jumpshare.com/share/9gFuf8Q48vLtM46TXTLa
SUNO: https://suno.com/song/93892777-4857-4904-96cb-07b3b79fbcba
JANE CALLIN'
[Verse 1]
You didn't recognize my voice
You didn't recognize my name
You used to say we all had a choice
But now it doesn't feel the same
[Verse 2]
I asked you how you been these days
you said "Do you feel free?"
You hung up, you didn't understand
Don't you know it's me
Don't you know that it's jane callin'
Don't you know that it's jane callin'
Don't you know that it's jane callin'
Fallin' while you're breakin' my heart
Don't you know that it's Jane callin'
Fallin' while you're breakin' my heart
[Verse 3]
I came down and knocked on your door
No answer, but I know you're there
I shouted, "I'm still the same as before!"
All I did was change my hair
[Verse 4]
And still, don't you know that it's jane callin'
Don't you know that it's jane callin'
Don't you know that it's jane callin'
Why are you breaking my heart?
[Verse 5]
Don't go making yourself different than who you are
That's what you said that night
In the back seat of my car
[Verse 6]
I saw you on the street last night
You were with your new girlfriend
Now I know you won't take a chance
You'd rather just play pretend
And still I shouted, "Don't you know that it's jane callin'?"
Don't you know that it's jane callin'
Don't you know that it's jane callin'
Don't you know that it's jane callin'
Why are you breaking my heart
Comments
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You're never moving the story forward. you're revolving around the same point.
There are a couple of good books you should read -
Song Building by Marty Dodson and Bill O'hanlon. Marty is a successful Nashville writer who has been writing for decades and writes for some of the biggest artists.
Next level lyrics writing - also by Marty Dodson.
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I haven't a clue as to what the story is here.
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I read it as an old girlfriend (Jane) trying to reconnect with her beau.
Jane has changed her look and the boy is pretending not to recognize her.
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I kind of read that too, but then I don't understand why he would ask - do you feel free, it seems an odd question to ask. it doesn't align with anything in the song.
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Yup Marty has good simple book you can understand , not all complicated bullshit from some PHD guy . WTF are you talking about . Pathos ? Ethos What are you greek. Well I'm kinda stupid lol.
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pathos and ethos are my drinking buddies :)
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If you can't be profound at least make sense , For some reason it takes awhile to figure that out .
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it makes sense to him, that's all that matters, I guess. all of my songs I can explain.
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Bull shit . See Martys book , Are you wondering why people aren't getting your songs , You gotta make sense
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I never wonder why people don't get my songs at all. I know why they don't get it. there is no mystery there.
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Whatever its common sense
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depends on your audience. my writing honestly, isn't for this audience. I know that. Pick any one of my songs, and I will tell you exactly what it means. My songs cover quantum physics, logic, metaphysics, numerology, symbolism and philosophy. All of my songs are carefully researched and edited.
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ok its for yourself and the audience will have no idea what your talking about . I say that alot to my wife , WTF are you talking about
I don't speak filipino
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The right audience will. that has been my point all along. those in the progressive and experimental will. Again, you said BS to me being able to explain. Pick a song, any song, and I will tell you the meaning, which is pretty much about the self in some form.\
Take my recent post The green book That song is about abuse. Those that have been, will relate those that haven't will not.
In your world as most people need clarity, in the prog / experimental it's more about the feeling, we are letting the audience to decide what they get out of the song, which is why my song doesn't relate. as were on two different parallel levels.
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I'm not going to argue the point anymore , In Country music you tell a story and it make sense
This song is catchy , but I have no idea what its about
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This is about a woman who got dumped and is trying to get back with him, but he keeps ignoring her. And she doesn’t understand why. This isn’t prog or abstract, just poorly constructed0
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that's why I don't care for country music.
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You're a trouble maker . Your life is a country song lol. Let me put this dog in this Malibu and have her buy Chicken feet , No I do not want eat that
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Well...
...the original story in this song was a man who is trans - and got the operation to become a woman, and his old lover doesn't want her anymore... (do you feel free?; all you wanna do is play pretend)
Not sure it's all that clear - was trying for a Lola type twist
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Yeah, I'd never got that.
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Lola led you on until the very end, which is why you need to read those books. you never give the story away at the beginning, otherwise people stop listening, then say something like - living free being he.
And being trans is more than just changing hair, unless he didn't go through the full transformation, not like your going to read this anyways.
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Nope no idea it's about trans , you'd have to hint it was . I forgot how Lolo went , but I think we know its about trans , cuz that was a big deal back then
its right there walked like a women talked like a man
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No I didn't get that either. Someone who is trans themselves or knows a friend etc might pick that up, I don't think a general audience would. If you want that to come across clearly you might need to make a change. Otherwise it can be a sort of secret that the fans find out if they go into depth on the song - plenty of those written!
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Ethos are authority Pathos are emotion , I forgot about them
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You buy that book , read it 300 times . You pop open 2 hit writers you admire . When you write you ask them do you think this works , Its not foolproof . But it's a good trick . Don't worry you're not crazy . Were talking to pictures anyway
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When you lose the book cuz the dog ate it . you buy another one . Email Pat Patison , Tell em if I wanta build an atom bomb your the man , but as far as song writing I don't get you at all . or whatever that guys name is
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Of course being trans is more than changing your hair. That was a sarcastic retort within the song
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Long Tall Sally...
The original lyrics:
I saw Uncle John with bald-head Sally / He saw Aunt Mary comin' and he ducked back in the alley
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it didn't come across that way.
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Some line say Jane is a queer , problem solved
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Howdy, Stranger!