The Cycle
Word Me; Music Suno
Messing around with internal rhymes.
This Birth to death
https://suno.com/s/qXSVDtJNbV27zGPb
[Verse 1]
There was a time when bells chimed
Finding myself of new mind
This reality is perceived to be
Found in trumpeting sounds
[Verse 2]
My heart beats to stomping feet
Marching in place as my face
Melts away to other days
Never losing sight of right
[Verse 3]
I've lost my ears and cannot hear
What's being said, am I dead
Or alive, this meaning I strive
To understand the shifting sands
[Verse 4]
I am so old, my body's gone cold
Running back from the black
To the wight only seems right
On solid ground I'm crowned
[Outro]
With this wood box I could
Be at peace and finally cease
Living and gradually giving
Ashes and dust to ashes and dust
Comments
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internal rhymes are fun. interesting style you chose. wasn't expecting that. sounds good.
just reading the lyrics i had a 80s rap sound in my head. the Ashes and Dust line might make a good chorus or break after verse 2 and 4.
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Thanks for the read. This one’s written as a steady stream of thought, so it isn’t built around a chorus or break. The internal rhymes are there to keep the cycle moving, not to set up sections. Different structure than what you were hearing, but I appreciate you taking a look.
You're more than welcome to give it a shot and see how it sounds :)
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Internal rhymes are cool. For another song, you might try a little variation: perhaps have 2 on the first line, then the 2nd line end with that same rhyme, but no internal, then 2 each on the 3rd and 4th as you have it. Just a little variation to keep the ear focussed.
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Thanks Owen, tha't's a great idea
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