You’re kidding me, right? (a new original)
Hi all,
I hope you’re enjoying the spring! I recently watched the movie about Bob Dylan and was inspired to go all out about a subject that is near and dear to me. It’s dedicated to my mother who sacrificed her life for us.
https://youtu.be/amqwR1K2m8A?si=McU8OpkKzQlMeZ29
Lyrics:
As you’re walking down the aisle
the dream lives on for a little while
Visions of kids and picket fences
Apple pie and cinnamon spices
Then you see it’s a hoax, a ploy
Reality plays you like a toy
Lured into a trap, you give up your life
Nobody warns you of this kind of strife
Hang onto your hats and get out your gloves
Turn around once and your feet become hooves
Worked to the bone yet expected to smile
Cooking and cleaning then a big laundry pile
Popping out babies like a breeding dog
All while you’re there sleeping, just like a log
Give me a break, you’re kidding me, right?
You call this a dream, it’s slavery shite!
She’s bound and burdened and burnt to the core
And yet you expect her to work some more?
With a 9 to 5 then the PTA
Who the hell are you, you big clumsy clod?
Who made you King, master of sod
Chewing her ears off with your sputtering drool
All when she runs circles around you at school
Crushed by the heel of your blockish feet
You think you can own her as part of your fleet
An ego the size of Kilimanjaro
When you’re truly a zero, gone tomorrow, gone tomorrow
She’s a gem who can do it all, careful and dutiful through it all
A million tasks done and she takes the fall
She’s running the world while you’re drinking away
Soon you’ll find she’ll be gone someday
Back pack ready for a vagabond’s fate
Anything is better than this prison gate
And you will be crying like you lost your life
But it was built on sand, a big fat lie
And karma will bite you in the ass
As you wash your own underpants!
Hey, no one in the world is that cute
She’s got 10 times more talent than you
What kind of dirty deal is this?
Your dead weight, Mr., so lie in your piss
copyright 2025
Comments
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@highvibrational - this gets a 10 for just getting the word shite in a song :). Sounds like your mother didn't mince words :). Catchy melody. reminds me a little of peter, paul and mary. .well done :)
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Thank you. It’s more like her life didn’t mince words. It was rough till the end.
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no live is easy. some have a more difficult time than others.. sorry for your loss :(
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Yup, modern day slavery.
Good message and tune. Your mom is proud in honor of her sacrifices.
Thanks for sharing!
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I love the song, those anchored in reality and experience draw out the emotions. This is the case here, the words and phrases express those feelings and they come over in the rawness and the heart of the delivery.
A wonderful dedication to a truely selfless lady
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Thank you! I take John Lennon‘s advice when he said, “tell the truth and make it rhyme.“. I appreciate your comments.
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Thank you. She said she chose to do this, but for me it was too much to witness. It helps to know that she’s happy on the other side.
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That's a harsh one! The bitterness is really coming through in the lyrics.
Some mothers really do go above and beyond, focusing on improving their kids lives, even at the expense of their own.
Structurally, I'm wondering whether you might reuse "Give me a break, you’re kidding me, right?" and turn that part into a chorus? It seems too good to just sing the once.
It's a powerful, emotional song. Well done Paulina.
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YAHOO. . . One singer. One guitar, and one compelling song. For me, THIS is the epitome of music. I understand that more complex compositions are required to market songs. BUT, this is how I first heard music, and it still holds a compelling place in my heart and mind. I LOVED THIS. Extremely happy that you recorded the video with it too. A LOT to like here.
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Thank you, RDM! Sometimes cultural traditions add to the misery of female existence, I was inspired by Dylan's "Masters of War" to go for the jugular and it all came out in a matter of minutes. I guess it was waiting for the right moment. The worldwide subjugation of women is often ignored and dismissed, but I like to highlight the machinations of society. Yes, I will make that section into more a chorus and am finding the right spot for it.
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Wow, I really appreciate your comments considering I was a little self-conscious about the simplicity of my approach. Early Dylan and Joan Baez are inspirations to me so I am glad there are those who can appreciate 1 singer/1 guitar /1 song. Many thanks as I continue along these modest lines.
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There are spots where the phrasing is not quite there, but I'm sure you can work that out, and it's not at all hard to see past that to what a good song this is. I like songs that have something to say and don't hold back about saying it. I found myself sharing your anger.
A couple of suggestions about the lyric.
Nobody warns you of this kind of strife - the word strife seems just a little out of place, as if it is just there to rhyme. Unless you mean that there was conflict, that she put up a fight, it doesn't seem right. How about something like, So, this is what it means to be a wife?
There's a bit of confusion about who you is. It starts out as your mother and then with the line All while you’re there sleeping, just like a log, it switches to the husband. The wife then becomes she. It might be good to work out whom you are addressing in the song. If it were me, I'd make it the husband and make your mother she throughout. He's the target of the anger and outrage that comes across so strongly in the song. Of course, I might be overthinking this 🙄
Soon you’ll find she’ll be gone someday - I don't think soon and someday belong in the same sentence. They contradict each other. There are lots of good alternatives. Maybe something like You'll wake up and find her gone someday.
Well done!
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Thank you for your thoughts, Gavin. I completely agree with you and feel like this is a first draft that can be improved re: the points you mention, plus adding another chorus that RDM mentioned before. I think my anger got the best of me and everything rational got short-shrifted. Will work on it some more.
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I did give you a thumbs up on this. Yeah, the ending may be a bit choppy. Also, I think it would sound better on a steel string acoustic like a Martin or Gibson, not that I'm a guitar snob (of course I am). Keep writing.
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Thank you! I grabbed my closest guitar, which was a classical. For my recording, I will definitely play a Martin or something.
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