Try To Tell You
I'm thinking of my own critiques as I post this, but here goes. I don't ever feel like they're finished anyway. 😉
https://www.reverbnation.com/harbingerroad/song/34377007-try-to-tell-you
Comments
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Hi did you forget to post the lyrics.
I do like the song though, very good
Sid
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Yes I did. Good catch Sid. Thank you.
Try To Tell You
Pour out my soul
On written pages
Tell of walls I built
How I made cages
You don’t hear me
On my Island all alone
You don’t see me
A mind not my own
How do I tell you
I’m damaged and broken
Would it even matter
What words are spoken
Cry out in silence
Wasted and in vain
Emotions so intense
Hearts shatter from pain
Can’t find my way home
Down an old lonely road
Leads me away from you
Alone in the dark of night
Broken dreams, empty life
Till the end of my time
Look at old pictures
Times that we shared
Many sweet memories
Hurts to see when you cared
Heart and soul one with mine
Full of joy a memory now
I miss when you loved me
In your eyes your heart shined
Can’t find my way home
Down an old lonely road
Leads me away from you
Alone in the dark of night
Broken dreams, empty life
Till the end of my time
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I can imagine this one done in a light rock style too.
You might try ending on "Hearts shatter from pain", as it naturally comes to a halt there anyway.
I like the You don’t hear/see me lines.
I feel like it's missing a memorable hook though, and there isn't a strong sense of development over the song, it's the same emotion throughout.
It's not bad, but to me it doesn't feel like it's quite there.
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Thank you Owen. Very good suggestions. I definitely felt like something was missing and I appreciate your comments very much. I will be trying to recreate this along the lines that you’re suggesting.0
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Nice0
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A good song in the making. Everything is clearer on this one. I can imagine a full band arrangement. As it stands, the vocal is nice while the guitar perhaps sounds a bit unsure of itself at times, but I can see the potential. Keep em comin'!😀
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Thank you so much Chris. Good call on the guitar sounding unsure. I've only been learning to play in a serious way for about the last 6 - 8 months. But I am very committed and play every night no matter what. Or just need committed, but either way I'm staying with it. I appreciate the comment.
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Very tender and optimistic - things hard to find these days.
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Thank you. I appreciate your comment.0
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