the black bonnet lyrics
the black bonnet
In the Amish community, unmarried women wear a black bonnet
and are subjected to all the restrictions imposed as a result of that status.
verse 1
I'm parked up on the edge of town
Pretending I've ran outta gas
The Amish buggies are rollin' by
Staring at me as they pass
verse 2
I'm waiting for my girl Sarah
I'll be drivin' the getaway car
As soon as it goes dark
they won't know where we are
chorus
Tossing away the black bonnet
And the lifestyle they built on it
For the first time you'll be free
If you run away with me
verse 3
Your family don't want me around
They've made that very clear
I'll never be one of them
The elders won't let me near
chorus
Tossing away the black bonnet
And the lifestyle they built on it
For the first time you'll be free
If you run away with me
bridge
We've made our plans, and we'll carry them through
I feel the cold, standing alone, waiting here for you
verse 4
A shadow comes out of the trees
The bang and flash light up the night
I feel the blast fly over my head,
it's a warning, I take flight.
chorus
Tossing away the black bonnet,
and the lifestyle they built on it.
For the first time you'll be free,
but it was never meant to be.
outro
It was never meant to be.
Comments
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I like this a lot. Good feel to it. It's got an unusual angle too, with the Amish references, which adds interest.
Story-wise it might be more popular if they get away, but that's your choice.
I was surprised to learn that the Amish can have guns.
In my head I found myself saying "And the lifestyle they built upon it"
I think "tossing" vs "toss" is probably 50/50.
You might consider a longer chorus. I can imagine this structurally as:
Tossing away the black bonnet And the lifestyle they built on it Take my hand and follow me (or something rhyming with free) .......... X ...........X For the first time you'll be free If you run away with me
But it may be worth holding off until it's set to music to see how it sounds as is, first.
It's a good one!
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Thanks Owen,
I really appreciate the detailed comments. I assure you, I study them all and hopefully learn how to improve.
I may not agree with them all but I will always consider them carefully.
E.g., I ran "upon it" through my head too but it sounded too formal English for the context so I left it.
I'm going to play around with a longer chorus and see how it pans out, jury's still out on that!
Giving something back:
Most Amish households have a simple weapon, shotgun/rifle. Strictly in the context of a tool for hunting or pest control.
Re possible endings, most relationships end one way or another, I sometimes find it interesting to explore the other.
May not be popular but it does open a wealth of alternatives less travelled.
Why Amish? As above, less travelled roads!
Thanks again Owen,
Sid
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I really enjoyed this Sid. Nice job finding an interesting subject matter and creating interest with your storyline.
I think even for the uninitiated that may not know the significance of the black bonnet, tossing of the bonnet creates quite a picture.
Side note: I must say I really appreciate the way RDM genuinely tries to find something helpful and goes through the analytical process with you. And in turn, you very aptly respond with a genuine consideration, but honest response and explanation. It may seem a bit corny here, but I will tell you I think this is a nice example of what this should be.
I do think this would be especially cool once set to music, and in that process, you would come to realize your tweaks. Nice job!
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Thank you for your feedback, most appreciated.
Re RDM (Owen),
Two months ago, I'd never written a word of songwriting.
After reading a few books and watching some YouTube clips, I gave it a go.
I'm 71, and only doing it to keep my brain active.
From the word go, Owen has encouraged and guided me with support and advice.
He is an absolute goldmine of knowledge on songwriting and keen to share it with others.
Whether or not you take his advice is up to you, he takes no offence if you don't.
Having said that, I have found that he's rarely wrong.
The majority of commentators on this forum are of the same ilk, so welcome and enjoy.
Sid
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Clever lyrics, Sid! I like the sentiments, although it seems sadly destined for a Romeo and Juliet outcome.
...in a more hopeful realm, the guy wins the girl's heart for keeps, and they live happily ever after. 😀
chorus
Toss away your black bonnet
and the lifestyle you built on it
I give my heart to thee
Run away and marry me
Keep the good lyrics coming!
Cheers,
Joseph
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Joseph kind Syr,
I doth think thee have a penchant for the Bard.
Yor words that fall upon this page merit close.
Sid
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Howdy, Stranger!