Bright Star

I've been working on this off-and-on for a few weeks. I'm calling it a "Cowboy Ballad" for lack of a better term. It's somewhat inspired by singing a lot of "Desperado" by The Eagles. I've mostly figured out the chord progressions, but the melody just lives inside my head at this point - still working on getting it down exactly. Still learning guitar, so haven't made a good recording yet.

Appreciate any and all notes on the lyrics. I mostly just don't want it to sound too corny... just the right amount ;-)


"BRIGHT STAR"

verse 1

Oh, sweet memory, have I fallen so low?

My feet may still journey, but they’ll never be home.

The Sun has now set on this poor soul of mine,

but I long for your dream one last time…...

verse 2

Oh, I’ve lied, and I’ve gambled. I’ve cheated. I’ve drunk.

I even took pride in all the hearts that I’d sunk, 

but now I just wander a lonesome Earth,

in search of the true love I hurt.

chorus

Oh, bright star please guide me. I’m lost and afraid…

that my light went out forever that day……

I once was a dreamer, now my world’s turned to gray.

Oh, bright star, please shine down my way…… 

post-chorus

Oh, how long must I wander from Heaven to Hell?

In roads of darkness, I’ve come to dwell… 

Through deepest of dreams, I have searched for the light,

to an end to this endless night…

refrain

And, bright star, please shine down, ‘cause I’ve walked this road before. Please

don’t let me drift through this life forevermore…

please… shine down... shine down... shine down on me…

oh won’t you… shine down... shine down... shine down on me?

verse 3

And oh, sweet mercy, I am only a man,

and all I can do is the best that I can.

This story has ended, and I know I’m to blame.

How long must I live with the shame?…

verse 4

Oh, I thought I was clever, thought no one could see,

just how much a coward a coward could be.

I never learned the lessons that the bards always told,

that not all that glitters is gold…

chorus

Oh, bright star please guide me. I’m lost and afraid…

that my light went out forever that day…

I once was a dreamer. Now my world’s turned to gray.

Oh, bright star, please shine down my way……

refrain/outro

Oh, bright star, please shine down, ‘cause I’ve walked this road before. Please

don’t let me drift through this life forevermore… please…

shine down, shine down, shine down on me… oh won’t you…

shine down, shine down, shine down on me?… oh…

shine down, shine down, shine down on me… oh please…

shine down, shine down, shine down on me.

Comments

  • Reads well to me so far. Doesn't sound too corny. Hope I get to hear set it to music at some point. 😀

    I like that you've repeated "bright star" and "shine" throughout. Really reinforces your title and should make it easier to remember.

    You might consider:

    In roads of darkness, In paths of darkness,

    And oh, sweet mercy, I am only a man, And I, sweet mercy, am only a man,

  • schmalex
    schmalex United States

    Thanks @RainyDayMan. I hope to have the music complete soon. I haven't written that many songs yet, so I was getting a little overwhelmed while I was trying to write both the lyrics and the music at the same time, so I had to pause to finish the lyrics as much as possible.

    I'm glad it's not reading too corny. I think it might just be how I'm singing it so far, but I think it will depend on the final performance.

    I like "in paths of darkness" but now that's got me thinking of "in realms of darkness" which might make the most story sense.

    I think I might try abbreviating the other line to "And oh, sweet mercy, I'm only a man" and see how that works with the melody. I personally prefer "oh" vs "I" from a singing perspective with my own voice.

    Thank you for your advice.

  • Hi @schmalex


    It's great you're starting on the nylon/steel stringed pathed on expression. I think you've done a great job with the lyric - just as you set out it's evocative and of a type but not overly familiar or cliché. Indeed I think many of the lines are particularly well written and the right side of poetic.


    I look forward to hearing the completed, musical version,


    CCB

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