Too Old

Been kicking this one around for about 6 months. Still needs work but I'm ready to let it go as-is for now. Bit of a strange song. really curious to hear what y'all think of it. as always, thoughts/opinions/suggestions very welcome and appreciated. Thanks!


Too Old

I’ve got a broken heart

I’ve got an empty soul

I gotta make more money

Before i get too old


I’ve wasted half my life

and it’s a crying shame

I got no one beside me

I got no one to blame 


It’s gonna fall apart

I’m waiting for the day

I see the shadows growing

I see the skies turn gray


i thought i knew it all

a cut above the rest

look how the mighty has fallen

dejected and depressed 



so ashamed and insecure

as it’s always been

Is salvation at your door

and will you let it in

Are you happy

Can you be happy


Are you safer now indoors my timid friend

Fear subsides and love endures

Or so they say

Are you happy 

Can you be happy


https://soundcloud.com/user-706112265/too-old-demo?si=bd18146af2a843b6b17dad197e790e26&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Comments

  • Hi @jrandolph


    This is great - sounds like a lost classic from the late 60's. Kind off early Scott Walker-ish in an odd way. I suppose The Divine Comedy might be a good modern equivalent. I really like the changes - especially the move into the string 'are you happy' section. A very good, though very sad lyric with a great and complimentary vocal.


    I've no real suggestions - just a good old thumb up. 👍️

  • It’s gonna fall apart, Maybe this might not work , You've already said everything has gone to hell already

    so ashamed and insecure, Right there your swictching voices to talking to the listeners when the rest of the song was on your down fall. Also 99% of songs anchor on a hook , What is it ,?

  • The strange drum beat caught me out at first, but I actually really like it now. I think @CorkingCrackBand sums it up rather well. Indeed, a lost 60's classic. An unusual song, really well performed with strong vocals. Thumbs up here.😀

  • @CorkingCrackBand @ChrisPrice

    Thanks y'all! Scott Walker is not a name I would have expected to hear for sure. Not familiar with more than a few of his songs but will def do a deep dive on him now :)

    I think the vocal melody in the first part does sound like some old country western song. Seems like I've heard it before. I woke up at 4am with that melody running in my head.

    don't know where the drum beat came from but it just fell into place and nothing else sounded right after i got used to it.

    I'll certainly revisit this song down the line and see how/if it changes.

    @ElvisNash can't disagree with you too much :) Just a weird ol' song. the voice switching is intentional but I agree about the lyrics not following any logical progression. Lyrics are the reason I have a bottleneck of songs just sitting around waiting to be finished. ya know, your voice would be perfect for that first part. I had to capo up 2 frets to hit those notes and even then had to record vocals in the mornings in order to get down there.


    Thanks fellers for listening and giving your thoughts! Much appreciated!

  • I like the theme of the lyrics. The change of POV doesn't feel cohesive. I could see a piece for a bridge or chorus, but then it should go back to first person. The melodies also change. I rather like the second one. I don't see any chorus or refrain. Perhaps a chorus would be a good place for a POV change along with a melodic change. Definitely worth working on :)

  • Well, this breaks just about every rule!

    That makes it interesting to me. The shift half way through to something completely different felt great - the way it transitions to a lush arrangement after the rough and ready, sparse first half. It's one of those moments in music that gives genuine pleasure. It made me go back and listen again.

  • ElvisNash
    ElvisNash Calif
    edited May 2023

    Well their all over the place on structures on all this hook in chorus or not

    Everytime some one says do this or not they break the rules , like her


    Morgan Wade - Psychopath (Lyrics)

    Marty Dodson hit writer , there are no rules

  • Confucius: "Music produces a kind of pleasure which human nature cannot do without."

  • MoraAmaroLaLoba
    MoraAmaroLaLoba Madrid (Spain)

    I really like your idea, modern, minimalist and with a powerful story!!! with which many of us empathize hahahaha

    I like the way it sounds, perhaps I would like the bass to have a little more volume making body with the drum, for the rest I love the atmosphere of this first part and I like the radical change and pastel color, very good job, I can't criticize anything @jrandolph

  • Hey there JR....................it sounds like a lot of fun. No nits, here....keep on having fun.

    Love it!

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