The last 24 hours lyrics

Kayla813

Party, good times, memories
The love shared only between
You & me

The picture on the wall
Standing there in the hall
Brought me back to that time
What happened to the rhyme

Today is not the past
But it creeps back in
My past lovers are here
To make sure people don't
Hurt me again

I fly back to Florida
Put my luggage in the corridor
With the stares of political views
Have come to screw it up again
Between me & you

Today is not the past
But it creeps back in
My past lovers are here
To make sure people don't
Hurt me again

J am too tired to fight for you,
I been doing it to long on my own

RainyDayMan

I like this Kayla.

Firstly, there's a strong sense of place to it. I'm standing in the hallway looking at faces, and remembering other times.

There's also emotion: sorrow, but tempered by a sense of reflection and distance. And a sense of independence and self-reliance.

And I like the stronger structure you've got going in this one too.

Good job.

franswa

I really like this. There is a yearning. A lived experience here that is being tethered together like poetry. "With the stares of political views" is brilliant. I interpret it as the stares because of the politically themed thing one is wearing but it can be interpreted in different ways. I'm very curious about "my past lovers are here to make sure people don't hurt me again". That is fascinating to me for a couple reasons. One because my past lovers have moved on and are living their own lives unaware of my existence. Two because it begets the question why the past lovers are still around and in what capacity. Thought provoking lyrics. Thank you.

OnlyGavin

I think this could make a really good song, with plenty of emotional clout. The strong visuals are key to that. A lot would depend on the music and delivery, of course.

I have a few small suggestions.

The picture on the wall

Standing there in the hall - change to "As I stand in the hall" to make it clear that it is you doing the standing, not the picture

Brought me back to that time - Change "Brought" to "Brings." The present tense is more impactful and also in keeping with the rest of the song.

What happened to the rhyme

I fly back to Florida

Put my luggage in the corridor - Love that rhyme of Florida with corridor!

With the stares of political views - I have no idea what this means

Have come to screw it up again - Drop the word "Have" to make this grammatically correct, as well as flowing better imo.

Between me & you