Original song - The man who had it all
This is a "thought piece" and illustrates a "wisdom of the world". Written and recorded years ago. What do you think?
https://gloriousmagicalfields.bandcamp.com/track/the-man-who-had-it-all
Lyrics:
I'll tell you a story
About a man who had it all
He threw it away
Alcohol
Can you hear the stormy breeze?
Can you hear the rough seas?
Comments
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You are hearing something I am not. I agree the quality is not good (due to me using a cheap microphone or maybe even using cheap headphones as a microphone!) but it's certainly not a blur to me. In any event I will at sometime in the nearer future get a good microphone.
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you got some talent , you need a VCVCVC song , Just study recording , A mike is 200 hundred , whats stopping you ?
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The music feels much more developed than the lyric in this one. The guitar has a classical arpeggiation feel to it which I enjoyed. And I like the synth for contrast. Especially around the 1 min mark.
The lyric feels more like a sketch outline than a full story, but you do many songs this way - it's your style.
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It is in fact a genuine classical arpeggiation. This particular sound comes from the classical era about 1800-1810. The classical guitar was an important instrument in Europe at this time. There's lots of classical guitar music sheet music online created by the masters of that time that is very easy to play yet very impressive, beautiful, powerful and just plain fun to play.
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You're not in the pocket. You need more cohesive tracks and let your vocal lead the song , Not the guitar
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I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere.
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Yes your there and everywhere , You need to be on count 1234 . Thats free advice
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Yes I agree. Hendrix did say rhythm was the most important. In the world of sound though experimentation, even with bad results, can result in something new.
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Hendrix ? its 2025 . Well bad results are bad results , if you can't figure out 1234 , Then I suggest a guitar teacher . My comucations skills aren't great on trying to help someone . 1234 1234 . Thats basically it
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Hendrix is timeless and always will be.
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You should listen to 2025 rocks bands to be current . I think your set in your ways and don't want help , that's fine . Hendrix was a million years ago. Every time I get to be a know it all , I listen to pros , Well back to the drawing board , I know nothing
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I do listen to 2025 bands, some are the classic ones who are still recording, like the Rolling Stones. Some of the stuff is great! Most of it is not, however. Regardless there has been no increases in the sound quality, only in the effects, which is very interesting.
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Sound quality ? Of course there is , It takes one full day to mix a song to Atomos
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@robwills great start...but where's the rest? You've really got some great ideas, however to qualify as a lyric, it needs form, i.e. Verse, Chorus, Verse, Chorus; the most basic will work!
Renee
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I really enjoy the music and the words but the hiss is very distracting.
😀
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Rob, as a coin carrying recovering alcoholic, I want to hear more of this. Maybe some background of how he got there, some history, hopes he has for the future? Just my thoughts.
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Thanks for listening and your thoughts. Maybe I will develop this to tell more of the story, which in my life experience is timeless. Hope for the future? Not in this story. One cold winter's day they were found at the shopping mall only in their underwear. Then in their remaining years their brain essentially disintegrated.
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@robwills - then tell that in your song.. your song really isn't all that thought provoking. you start the story, but never finish. it.. you want an example of thought provoking, read some of mine. they were written specifically abstract, but I want my lister to think or not, You have a compelling topic that you can expand on and really draw people in.
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If there is no hope, then let it be cautionary tale. I found hope, and a whole new life once I broke those chains. I've woke up in worse places wearing less.
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I agree it needs to be more complete. I do think though the message is clear though.
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No need for sarcasm, Bill.
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@RainyDayMan - it wasn't intended as malice. Owen..
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I walked into a haze tonight
Where neon signs and shadows fight
Whiskey bottles whispers in my head
My heart is filled with 40 lbs of lead
V2
A friend in shot glass just a trick of light
Promises escape from the night
But by 2am I lose my grip
I'm a shattered man going down quick
Ch
Intoxicated dreams the devil's lie
As heaven watches me die
Every bottle I lose a day
The price for freedom high to pay
I made the deal too late to cry
Intoxicated dreams the devil's lie
If ya wanna use what I started
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@ElvisNash - those are brilliant lyrics.
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Well just to help him on starting it
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@robwills , @ElvisNash - what he has so far could be used for the intro. can't, can't you hear the stormy breeze / creating a path of destruction of my disease / that blows my tattered sails of misery / pushing me from still waters to rough seas :)
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or a bridge or v3 , what I have is centered in a bar , just a quick write . This barstool feels like being on rough seas
Something like that
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Perhaps not, but it isn't coming across as either friendly or helpful.
You've offered your suggestion, it's Rob decision now whether he agrees with you, and whether that takes the song in a direction he wants it to go.
We need constructive criticism from each other - to point out potential weaknesses. But we only offer suggestions.
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