Turn ya back on me 2
https://soundcloud.com/sidsshovel/turn-ya-back-on-me-2?si=9c237c97a0044a73826f9d4304fc2562&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing (right click then open link in new tab,) to open song.
lyrics SS : music/vocals Ai
[verse 1]
I gave myself to you, all of me,
took what you wanted, there was no we.
Tossed me scraps, so I'd stick around,
left on the shelf, in the lost an' found.
[chorus]
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Everythin', I did for you,
an' this is, what you dooooooo.
[verse 2]
You used me till, nothin' was left,
gone on a road trip, goin' out West.
Took the money, except five bucks,
note on the fridge, thanks, good luck.
[chorus]
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Everythin', I did for you,
an' this is, what you dooooooooo.
[verse 3]
My car was gone, so I called the cops,
two days later, an' it was stopped.
A guy was drivin', drugs everywhere,
body in the trunk, said it was her.
She picked him up, the guy said,
stole his dope, an' now she's dead.
[bridge]
Chasin' a rainbow, that crossed her mind,
she an' the guy, were one of a kind.
[chorus]
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Everythin', I did for you,
an' this is, what you dooooooooooo.
[outro]
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Everythin', I did for you,
an' this is, what you doooooooooo.
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Don't turn, ya back on me.
Don't turn, ya back on meeeeeee.
Comments
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@sidshovel - this song turned dark quick :).. excellent writing tho.. tells a story..
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Tryin' out different twists on various genres for no other reason than I can.
Thanks Bill
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@sidshovel - the power of the almighty pen :)
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Yes, verse 3 comes out of nowhere! Very dark twist.
I think it also takes a bit of thought to work out what's happening there. The 'new guy' and 'her' have to be identified, up till then it's just the narrator and "you". It's all in there, but if you wanted it to be instantly clear it might be something to look into.
As I was reading it, before listening, I thought you could possibly use "Don't turn, don't turn your back on me", which probably wouldn't fit to this music.
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Thanks @RainyDayMan,
Yes, there are a few twists put there deliberately.
The most obvious change is the overall structure, not my usual meat and two veg.
Trying out new, (for me) different ways.
How much should I explain the 'new guy' and 'her' and use up more valuable "real estate".
How much background does the new guy need other than "she picked him up".
The experiment was to see if I could encapsulate the story into one 6 line verse, and whether there was enough for the reader/listener to use their imagination to develop the scenario from there.
Academic question: At what point did it, or didn't, come together for you, I'm curious?
Sid
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I came together for me . Great the guy killed her. Country song
Sounds good man
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Well I read the verse and went, wait what? And then went back over it carefully line by line. I think it was partly influenced by the fact that it's only because it's a male singer that you can assume "you" = "her"
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Country songs always have some girl kill some guy , So this time a drug dealer kills this girl , love it . Country songs always take the side of the women , Notorious , always . Men always take the blame to sell records
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Thank you Elvis/RDM , that change in perception and a cut against the grain was what I was looking for.
It's not that I think it will catch on or anything just testing a different angle to see how it plays.
There's a degree of freedom in writing purely as a hobby as it allows for some experimentation that wouldn't be considered otherwise.
Your comments are very welcome and appreciated.
Sid
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Oh, my @sidshovel ! I hope this is a made up story but even it isn't, karma is a 'bi....! Love your storyline; poetic justice always seems to work.
And I somewhat agree with Owen regarding V3 but in a different way. The way it struck me is, in V2, she's on a road trip out West and then BAM! your car is missing come V3. I guess it's okay because the listener can assume she's returned from her road trip...however, I'm wondering if in V2 some place you could say she took your car to go on a road trip out West and then continue the story in V3. Anyway, maybe I'm being too picky.
Now, that I've listened, the way V3 comes in is better when sung than when merely read. But I still feel there might be a need to connect V2 with V3 somehow.
Looking closer, I'm wondering if the final choruses should be a bit different as she's dead now and she can no longer turn her back on you. Just a thought.
I hope my 2-cents makes sense to you,
Renee 💌
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Oooohhhh, this is so cool! I absolutely love it!
I haven't been following the most recent AI offerings in the music world. A few years ago I tried Emvoice 1 and when I did that nobody listened to the song so I went back to just trying to sing myself.
Oh, yeah. This is awesome man. The lyrics are great and the voice is very convincing. I gotta try that one.
😀John B
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Thank you Renee,
All the feedback is relevant and important and extremely useful.
From those who have kindly offered their comments, I can see the need to connect with v3 via the last 2 lines of v2 and the outro to both carify and round it off. Probably chop 2 lines of the outro too.
Excellent, thank you all so much, appreciated.
Sid
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Is that a mandolin, and did you ask for it in the prompts? Great story, nice twist, I like being surprised in a song.
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It is Barry, and I did. Always loved the mandolin since hearing Mandolin Wind. Adds a soft beautiful sound don't you think? Hook it up with fiddle and harmonica and it'll blow your mind.
Yeah, I'm a fan of end of song twists too
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Thats a prompt I have asked for in the past but never got it. You did great with the music selection too.
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Thanks Barry
Here's the one I used for this, plus fiddle and harmonica.
SOLO, Male vocals Male, melodic melancholy slow ballad, sad, acoustic guitar, fiddle, harmonica, sax, mandolin, calm, lush
Hope it may help you in some way.
Sid
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Loved the line Chasing a rainbow that crossed my mind. Another great song0
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