The dirty line of pain

https://audius.co/sidshovel/the-dirty-line-of-pain (right click, select open link in new tab) for song
lyrics SS music/vocals Ai
[intro]
[verse 1]
Their Ma's had made them lunch to tide
A crust of bread,
and drippin' to slide
The boots sparked the cobblestones
Air was heavy with silence
and groans
[verse 2]
The mine road
was littered with despair
Detritus lay abandoned everywhere
Broken glass,
lay scattered on the ground
Tired men marched,
to a bugle's sound
[verse 3]
The flames from the brazziers
Cast shadows upon the barriers
A world of noise and flashes
sirens wailing, shields crashing
[verse 4]
Working class against their own
Protectors pay has far outgrown
That of the rich man's slaves
The last hole that they'll dig,
Who'll dig one final pit, their graves
[verse 5]
Starving families, grow ill
Bus in scabs, to break their will
Force them back, into the hole
Still they import, cheaper coal
[verse 6]
Defiant roars blend with screams
Placards writ with broken dreams
Men in work coats brave the rain
Lay beaten by the dirty line of pain
[outro]
Cries of hungry babes beat them down
One by one they killed the coal towns
Comments
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You're certainly not lacking in poetic talent, Sid. I really like the way you held out for the title until V6. A sad but true one for sure. Vocalist reminds me of Joni Mitchell as does the lyric when you put the two together.
Renee
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Very evocative and some rich visuals there. Strong theme. Good narrative. I feel like all the elements are there, but for some reason it doesn't quite feel like it's coming together to me. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's got a traditional folk structure with just the verses, but maybe try a chorus? You might need to trim it down if you did though. Don't know. Not sure of myself on this one.
0 -
Got a Christine Mcvie sound and feel to it. And that my friend is a big compliment...jeeze do I miss her.
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Close SF, I was going for Sandy Denny, ex Fairport Convention.
Thanks,
Sid
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