Night Owl - Original song first time here
Hi, thought I would give this site a go, I mainly do rap songs and make the beats but haven't had much luck finding anywhere that gives good feedback on this type of genre so let's give it a go, nothing ventured and all that.
Lyrics - sorry contains some mild swearing
Fuck promoting songs on tiktok cant be bothered with all that clicking
I know the industry is a bitch but I still wanna put my dick in
Need me a nice rump steak sick the colonals chicken
Passport got bare stamps not the ones that need licking
Look at the time, clock don’t stop ticking
Been doing this 2 years still ain’t made no millions
Swear the X keep files on me I should call her Gillian
Rent free I live in her skully
Lodged in her head like the one that done topboy sully
Breaking news, he’s a blue I got me a sonny
Put the addiction to bed now my kids not sleeping
Lately I been a bit stressed, took me a couple of weeks
And don’t need to tell me life moves fast I swear mines been speeding
Before you know it, role reversal it’ll be me who needs feeding
But let’s stay in the now, the boy is a gift, a real life present
Wrapped in a towel, we both shed tears, the boy is a blessing
Lifestyle changing, never the same but I couldn’t be prouder
Nights out fading, music making, I gotta rap a bit louder
Energies waving, I get on the redbull, only fools sniff powder
I’m mourning the freedom, mourning the sleep, mourning the nights out
Embracing the change, if I lose my way im calling him right out
Mourning the time, mourning the space til I switch the lights out
For now it’s faze, losing my days I’m just a night owl
Need magical powers, not flexible hours, time ain’t for bending
Now I write in the shower, that’s why all my new shit is pending
If you got waterproof paper please can you send it
Forgetting some lines, I’m harry maguire, I can’t defend it
Still I gotta make bangers, get em to wiggle there asses
It’s just an art you can’t take no master classes
Disastrous seeing her with just half a glass
It’s such a shame I’m not tapping that like my mastercard
This spending needs to stop cause I can’t buy my time back
Apparently it’s a sign of depression, been there, already tried that
Gotta keep moving forward not backwards like my NY hat
Been 6 months since I dropped but now I’m right back
Another year older, flows getting colder you youngens will find that
You Can’t make a beat these days without a Hi-Hat
Comments
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I can understand your dilemma in getting helpful feedback! Not writing in this genre, I can see that you have skill, but I really don't know how to advise you to improve upon it. It's a popular genre, so there must be others out there writing songs and looking for feedback, but I can't tell you where they are. And from memory there's no one else on TSF writing rap at the moment.
As an aside, you mentioned "mild swearing", and perhaps it is for rap, but you're probably already at the limit of what's going to be acceptable to post here on TSF - we aim to be family friendly. Just a heads up for the future.
That said, you're welcome to continue to post, I'm just not sure how much value you'll receive in return!
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Wow...a lot to consume there. I'm not big on the genre but I have to say your accent makes the story much more...mmm...compelling, and interesting to listen to. Livin in your ex's skully rent free eh, hmm I know lil sumpin bout that. I'll listen to it again...post another when you have time.
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I have never liked the genre but some of what has been derived from it, or combined with it, is very good. You definitely have talent and don't stop creating! I would like to see in this genre all the lyrics and sentiments promoting only good in the world. That's not weakness at all. In fact when you give good you get good back and here's something most all people don't know that I discovered by chance because I went "the extra mile":
When you go way beyond doing good for someone or doing good and then adding something more, the good that comes back is not only one of possible reciprocity but ones of other actions! These actions exist but are not so common but when put into practice give the result of goodness back to you. Here's an example based on a real situation:
You are walking down the street and you notice someone walking in front of you accidentally dropped a $20 bill on the ground and they do not notice. You pick up the bill and run over to the person and tell them about it and try to hand it to them (doing good). In this case the person is surprised that you have come up to them and is suspicious that it might be a scam. They say "No thanks". You say "But I saw it fall from your pocket". They say "Please get away from me". You say "But it's yours!". They say "Well, then you keep it!".
The above illustration was one of the other other actions. In a reciprocal action the story can go like this: The person thanks you for return their money. They then say "What's your name". Then the conversation goes "Do you live around here?" You say "I'm on my way to work" Where that? "XYZ Company". "Oh, thanks again, have a nice day". Two weeks later you get a call from the person who tells you "You were the one who gave me back the bill I dropped a couple weeks ago. Remember? I looked you up in a telephone directory and I'm so glad that I was able to get your phone number. My name is (Whatever) I'm the president of (Large Company). I would like you you to be my personal representative. I will have you travel the world for me and at a large salary."
The above is based on a true stories and it perfectly illustrates one of the types of benefits of putting good in the world even if you want to be selfish about it! When you put in bad the situations are reversed!
The moral of the above stories: Always put good into the world.
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Great beats here as well as the atmosphere you hace created. Vocals have an intimate color while saying the story, the piano in the backing is effective. Of course I do not make rap but I make words that I tell more than sing. Nice lyrics. @Steve_Poet
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Welcome to the forum.
Being a rock musician I'm way out of my depth trying to review this genre. I'm not putting it down in any way, far from it. You clearly know how to get this stuff over and I'd say that this is really well done.
Keep em comin'😀
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Nice one, man. Consistent story well told. Lots of familiar worries. I'm not a rap aficionado, but I do appreciate well-delivered bars and you've got some great ones in there.
"Put the addiction to bed now my kids not sleeping
Lately I been a bit stressed, took me a couple of weeks
And don’t need to tell me life moves fast I swear mines been speeding
Before you know it, role reversal it’ll be me who needs feeding"
Yeah, I like that. Would be cool if the beat changed up a bit more dynamically to call out important couplets here and there.
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Howdy, Stranger!