Cracks
Obviously I need assistance on how to post a song from SoundCloud correctly
https://soundcloud.com/tshred57/cracks
Cracks
V1
He built his schemes
On paper hearts with plastic seams,
Thought they’d live forever,
And they’d be together forever,
She wore her dreams
Like second skin,
She always hoped for the better,
And they’d be together forever
CHORUS
Cracks in the surface
They started to show,
They were holding on tight
‘Cause they can’t let go,
The weight of the world’s
Proving too much to bear,
They were stuck in LA,
They were fighting for air
V2
He wore a mask
With a smile made of plastic,
His heart was just a shadow,
His love was problematic,
Promises empty,
Like a scene in a bad play,
A heart that was hollow,
Made of paper, made of clay.
CHORUS
So cracks in the surface
They started to grow,
She kept holding on tight,
She would not let go,
The weight of the world’s
Proving too much to bear,
She was stuck in LA,
She was gasping for air
Middle 8
V3
She said, “Daddy please come get me,
He’s a poser, he’s a fake,
He told me he’s a giver,
But I’ve had all I can take,
He’s paper on the inside
And he’s plastic on the out,”
She had to choose, it’s win or lose,
In the end she just walked out
CHORUS
Cracks in the surface,
They grew into holes,
She stopped holding on tight,
She just let him go,
The weight of the world,
Was far too much to hold
She got out of LA
It felt good to be going home
Cracks
Cracks
Cracks
Cracks
Comments
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Hi @TomC, I just listened to your song, and I really enjoyed it! The melody is great, though I found myself wishing for a bit more lead electric guitar throughout.
My main thought, though, is about the opening lines: "He built his schemes / On paper hearts with plastic seams." They reveal the character’s flaws right from the start, which makes the opening verse feel a bit too similar to the second verse in terms of the story progression.
Since the song is about the gradual "cracks" in the relationship, it might be more impactful to let those cracks emerge more gradually over the course of the song. This could give the story a stronger, more dynamic build-up.
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https://soundcloud.com/tshred57/cracks
Quick link for those who want to save some time.
Good song! Some nice guitar work going on there. I like:
He built his schemes
On paper hearts with plastic seams,
and similarly in V2. I also like how you're using plastic, paper and clay at different points. Gives it a theme, whilst showing how artificial he is.
Melodically, the chorus is the highlight, as it should be!
I like the variation in the chorus as the song progresses too.
Good stuff.
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Schmalex makes some excellent suggestions which are worth noting.
For myself, I'm not a hard rock fan, or so I thought, but this is very good.
I really enjoyed it, goes to show, keep an open mind!
You're much better than you give yourself credit for, good lyrics and storyline, easy to follow and get into.
Don't get hung up on formalities, if it works, leave it alone, in this case, out and out works!
Overall, a very good submission to be proud of, well done.
I hope you share more.
Thank you,
Sid
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Hi @schmalex - thank you for listening. You have a good point about giving the plot away so soon. I had some trouble coming up with a line to go with “she wore her dreams.” Easy fix if I can find the words. .
@RainyDayMan - thanks for your help on this. Surely I’ll be able to figure it out eventually.:). Thanks for the comments. It started out with the title “Paper or Plastic” but turned into something altogether different.
@sidshovel - I think hard rock wasn’t the right tag. It’s rock of some type.I grew up in the classic rock era, but maybe just “rock” would do. Thanks for the nice welcome! I, too, agree with @schmalex’s point.0 -
Great job, man! Strong story and some powerful riffs to match it. I'm not at all fussed by the "out" and "out" rhyme, though I can sympathize with how long you probably spent trying to find a way around it. Sometimes it's so liberating to just give in and let it be.
The vocal has an '80's era Ozzy vibe to me, which is cool!
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@TomC Excellent rock track, man! Strong vocals and a great driving beat mixed with solid bass and guitar. Really good title, lyrics, and song! I agree with Matt that it is reminiscent of 80's era Ozzy. Good outro with breaking glass. Welcome to the forum!
Cheers,
Joseph
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Thanks @mattyoung and @icystorm. I appreciate the kind words and look forward to hanging out here :) I’ll tell you about the Ozzy thing eventually.1
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Wow, I nearly missed this one for some reason.
This is an excellent intro to the forum and, indeed, welcome!!
A fabulous track...really well thought and produced. I'm a rock musician so this is right up my street.
I look forward to hearing more.😀
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Hola new member, I enjoyed it all, really, you say you are not a good lyricist... Hmmm I think you are a poet. So many good lines, this one for example
She wore her dreams
Like second skin,
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Howdy, Stranger!