Virtue and Vice - Beat it up
So I've been working on this a little since I woke this morning at an ungodly hour. I have some ideas on modifying the wording to be less mystical and more modern such as the first verse shifting to something like this:
In shallows of my haunted mind
where muddy thoughts unfold and entwine
why choose a life roads so steep
when paths of darkness let me reap
As I see the differing merits of this I also see a loss of vibrancy in the emotional conveyance. This alone keeps me in the mind-set of using these colorful descriptors but with the knowledge they may not always be beneficial.
Feel free to comment hard on these lyrics and offer your thoughts on their effectiveness using the different types of thematical expressions.
Virtue and Vice
Verse 1]
In shallows of my hallowed shrine
Where ancient rites unfold and unwind
Why choose rose with thorns so steep
When midnights blossom darker reaps?
[Hook]
Oh, shadows rise, whisper low
In the dark, my secrets grow
Life and death, a tangled thread
In every choice, the lines are bled (Ooooh...)
[Verse 2]
The sun blazes, and virtue shines,
A voice calls out, 'Awake, arise,
Embrace the truths behind my lies.”
Upon the moons rise
[Chorus/Hook]
Oh, shadows rise, whisper low
In the dark, my secrets grow
Life and death, a tangled thread
In every choice, the lines are bled (Ooooh...)
[Verse 3]
Whispers coil and sway like snakes,
Ensnared my soul, their fangs they rake.
Ensconced within the shrine's domain,
I'm lured by shadows, lost in their wane.
[Chorus/Hook]
Oh, shadows rise, whisper low
In the dark, my secrets grow
Life and death, a tangled thread
In every choice, the lines are bled(Ooooh...)
I think some form of musical interlude or solo goes here
[Verse 4]
Metaphors hide truths in my despair,
In chaos woven, I lay bare.
Do truths bloom where shadows tread,
When choices echo what lies ahead?
[Chorus/Hook]
Oh, shadows rise, whisper low
In the dark, my secrets grow
Life and death, a tangled thread
In every choice, the lines are bled(Ooooh...)
Some sort of change like a bridge here?
[Verse 5]
So as I weigh the path I choose,
What becomes of truths abused?
For every deed, bright or blight,
The shadows rise, their veils alight.
[Chorus/Hook]
Oh, shadows rise, whisper low
In the dark, my secrets grow
Life and death, a tangled thread
In every choice, the lines are bled(Ooooh...)
Do I need the chorus above?
[Outro]
In this wicked game of dark and light,
Should I embrace the day or love the night?
(Oo-o-oh...)(Oo-o-oh...)
Comments
-
Given my very limited level of English, I cannot make any suggestions, but I have read your lyrics and I really liked their emotional, dark and beautiful background.
It's true that many lines can be interpreted in different ways, but I think they would all be worth it, why not?
Darkness has a lot of imagination and you sail through it.
This line, among others, I find beautiful
Life and death, a tangled thread
1 -
A humble thank you for your words of encouragement. We live and die each day in our own minds and emotions which is part of what inspired that specific line.
1
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