🅰️In all those days gone by
https://audius.co/sidshovel/in-all-those-days-gone-by (right click, select open link in new tab) for song
lyrics SS music/vocals Ai
[verse 1]
I turn the pages of my memory
To the dog-eared time we met
You wore a pastel dress, in the sun
I was lounging, against a parapet
[verse 2]
"Excuse me sir, do you mind if I sit down".
in the glare, even her silhouette was pretty
By sunset we knew a lot, by dawn the rest
we got married, with a condo in the city
[chorus]
You are the sunlight in my life
Everything I do, I do for you
When I laugh, when I cry
In all those days gone by
[verse 3]
Everyday was happiness, better than before,
each waking moment, devoted to each other.
We talked about a family, settled on four,
positive tests, you were going to be a mother.
[chorus]
You are the sunlight in my life
Everything I do, I do for you
When I laugh, when I cry
In all those days gone by
[bridge]
Our life was bliss, that grew with every kiss
Paradise fell apart, when you showed me a chart
Doctors told you it was terminal, you had a year
You held me in your arms, wiped away my tears
[chorus]
You are the sunlight in my life
Everything I do, I do for you
When I laugh, when I cry
In all those days gone by
[outro]
You are the sunlight in my life
Everything I do, I do for you
When I laugh, when I cry
In all those days gone by
Comments
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Lovely warm feeling to this, even though there is sadness, and that feeling is a good match to the sun/sunlight/days theme.
I like how "dog-eared" shows how often he comes back to that memory.
"in the glare, even her silhouette was pretty", I don't think you need "In the glare" there maybe just "Even her silhouette, was pretty"?
"By sunset we knew a lot, by dawn the rest" that's nice, and very succinct!
Something in the chorus doesn't feel 100% to me. The first 3 lines don't seem to lead to the last. Maybe you could put the first 3 into past tense to align them a bit more? I can see that she is still the sunlight in his life and everything he continues to do is for her etc, and you may not want to change it for that reason , but it might tie things together more. Maybe even just the third line in the past tense would be enough. Or have the 1st chorus in the past then deliberately shift to the present to emphasize it.
"positive tests" feels awkward to me. Maybe "And soon,"
And just a left field thought. If she was pregnant and had a year then she might have had a baby. It might be possible to bend the final chorus to refer to the child rather than the mother.
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Wow! That's really great vocals. I thought this was going to be an armature website but you definitely are not. The song is ok. Not anything that grips me, like a Simon and Garfunkel or Joni Mitchell song. Maybe work with a song writer to really bring out your vocals?
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"The song is ok. Not anything that grips me, like a Simon and Garfunkel or Joni Mitchell song."
@robwills Wow! That's a tough benchmark for any of us to reach! Though I'm sure we'd love to.
As Sid will likely explain, the vocal and music here is AI generated based on Sid's original lyric and prompting, so it's those latter aspects he's particularly interested in receiving feedback on. If you have specific suggestions on how to improve it, I'm sure those would be welcome.
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RDM
Some really good points and I have reflected on them.
Glare is there because of visuals, very sunny day, she stands between him and the glare of the sun, appears just a silhouette, he shields his eyes. Glare adds to the picture I think.
The wife is still alive, past tense is premature.
Positive tests, yes you're right, too clunky.
Left field, great, should the scenario be she passed after the child was born, which on reflection might have been the best way to go in the first place.
Excellent discussion points, really appreciate the informative feedback.
RobWills
Hi, draw your attention to the credits sandwiched between the link and verse 1.
🅰️ denotes link to Ai on another site.
Thanks for the feedback.
Sid
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Aah still alive! I misinterpreted! I jumped too quickly to a conclusion :)
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The rumours of my demise are slightly exaggerated, Watson!
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Beautiful vocals beautiful song...can't help but wonder, what was the genesis of this song?
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I normally write notes alongside some of the prompts for the songs I write to remind me what made me write them down.
In this case there was nothing which means it was simply next in line of a long list of anonymous prompts that just sounded good at the time.
Sid
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What a beautiful sadness, beauty moves me in such a way that it brings water to my eyes, how beautiful everything is! @sidshovel
full of shine!
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Wow, what a lyric. It really captures the breadth of joy and sadness you experience within a relationship rocked by a such a tragedy, and that bridge is an absolute gut punch. Tbh I think it’s one of your best lyrical pieces yet. The music is nice as well and I like the higher register here for the vocal, really leans into the emotional aspect of the words.0
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