Oh, Why did you break my heart ?
(Oasis reunion has inspired me to write a song)
I see you, around sometimes
my mind goes back, to our times
I knew even then, that we wouldn't last
but everything happened, just so fast
Oh,why did you break my heart ?
Oh Susie, why did you have to break my heart ?
Oh, Why did you break my heart ?
Chorus
I'd stand outside, in the pouring rain
stubbing out cigarettes, to ease my pain
the bitterness of your lies, reaching my eyes
I'd never let you see, the tears I cried
Sheepskin collar, turned up around my neck
What was I really trying to protect ?
Oh why did you break my heart ?
Hunched up shoulders, as I took a drag
lost in a mist, of what we had
a heart turned to stone, a memory alone
Oh, why did you break my heart ?
Chorus
I'd stand outside, in the pouring rain
stubbing out cigarettes, to ease my pain
the bitterness of your lies, reaching my eyes
I'd never let you see, the tears I cried
Oh Susie, why did you have to break my heart ?
Oh, Why did you break my heart ?
I knew even then, that we wouldn't last
I'd hear people saying, you were out of my league
What a fool I was to believe
Oh why did you break my heart ?
I'm an old man now, bitterness gone
a heart that warms, when it hears your name
I know I won't see you no more
Fades
My mind goes back to our times
My mind goes back to our times
My mind goes back to our times
My mind goes back to our times
My mind goes back to our times
Comments
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the oh susie why did you break my heart bit should be your pre chorus but in your main chorus you need to mention your title as that's normally your songs hook, also i wouldn't end a verse with a line that's in a pre chorus its too much repetition for me.
and normally songs end with a chorus fading out or just instrumentals but yours ends repeating a line that's what id call a throw away line, if you want a repeatable line at the end that fades out it should be the main point of the song, the title in this case as it's more than likely what you would be saying if you follow the rest of the songs story.
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I can hear it too, clever work0
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Hi Dan, really appreciate the advice on helping me structure better. Have done a rewrite , and thanks Kayla.
I stand outside, in the pouring rain
V1
I see you, around sometimes
my mind goes back, to our times
I knew even then, that we wouldn't last
but everything happened, just so fast
Pre chorus
Oh Susie, why did you have to break my heart ?
Oh, Why did you break my heart ?
Chorus
I stand outside, in the pouring rain
stubbing out cigarettes, to ease my pain
the bitterness of your lies, reaching my eyes
I'd never let you see, the tears I cried
v2
Hunched up shoulders, as I took a drag
lost in a mist, of what we had
you hardened my heart, you cut up my soul
if I love again, it'll never be whole
Pre chorus
Oh Susie, why did you have to break my heart ?
Oh, Why did you break my heart ?
Chorus
I stand outside, in the pouring rain
stubbing out cigarettes, to ease my pain
the bitterness of your lies, reaching my eyes
I'd never let you see, the tears I cried
V3
I knew from the start, that we wouldn't last
but everything happening, just so fast
everyone told me, you were outta my league
but I didn't care, you helped me breathe
pre-chorus
Oh Susie, why did you have to break my heart ?
Oh, Why did you break my heart ?
V4
The short time it lasted, I was alive
you were my oxygen, I more than survived
but the day I saw you, kissing my best friend
my hope in life, had come to an end
Fades
I stand outside, in the pouring rain
stubbing out cigarettes, to ease my pain
I stand outside, in the pouring rain
stubbing out cigar ettes, to ease my pain
I stand outside, in the pouring rain
stubbing out cigarettes, to ease my pain
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Not bad! Good visuals.
As a suggestion, you could add an extra line to the end of the chorus "Standing outside, in the pouring rain", I like that image and repeating it could bookend the chorus. You'd get the internal rhyme on outside/lied and rain with the earlier rain/pain.
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yeah i agree with rainydayman about adding the title again at the end of the chorus, maybe have a line that goes, so i, then a little pause, finishing with, stand out side in the pouring rain.
it takes many re writes to get songs sometimes, i've even started a re write on a chorus and ended up doing the whole song,lol
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Thanks guys will come back to it soon
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Good one Katie,
Some good advice comin' your way Katie, great to see your taking it on board.
You have talent fighting to get out.
Sid
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Wow, this is a powerful and emotional piece. The imagery and nostalgia really capture the pain of heartbreak and the passage of time. The repeated refrain and personal reflections make it very relatable. Great job channeling the inspiration from the Oasis reunion into such a heartfelt song. Thanks for sharing!
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