Break my heart, to break his heart
[intro]
[verse 1]
All our friends know, but he can't see,
she's playin' around, an' it's killing me.
I love my brother, and she knows that,
Her ex is with me, now she's being a cat.
[verse 2]
He's head over heels, in love with her,
the truth would be, too much to bear.
Blind and deaf, she can do no wrong,
until it does, she'll string him along.
[chorus]
She's runnin' a game, and I'm the prey,
what she's doin', will tear us apart.
She'll tell my brother, it's lies what I say,
It'll break my heart, to break his heart.
[verse 3]
Caught in a bind, don't know what to do.
When he does find out, he'll ask when I knew.
I want to tell him, help lessen the pain,
will he ever look at me, the same again.
[chorus]
She's runnin' a game, and I'm the prey,
what she's doin', will tear us apart.
She'll tell my brother, it's lies what I say,
It'll break my heart, to break his heart.
[bridge]
Police arrested the witch, threw her in a cell,
possession of class A drugs, she was goin' down.
My boyfriend knew, where her bodies were buried,
Only took a little charm, before he began to tell.
[chorus]
She's runnin' a game, and I'm the prey,
what she's doin', will tear us apart.
She'll tell my brother, it's lies what I say,
It'll break my heart, to break his heart.
[outro]
break my heart, to break his heart.
to break his heart.
[instrumental]
[Fade to End]
additional music and vocals on Soundcloud, Sid Shovel
Comments
-
I like your chorus, that feels like the strongest part, as it should!
"It'll break my heart, to break his heart." is a good line.
In the verses I feel like you're spending a lot of time to establish the relationships between all these people rather than focusing on simple lines that sing well.
The Bridge feels overly dramatic compared to the rest of the song. It comes out of nowhere, though it certainly progresses the story.
I think some simplification might be helpful.
0 -
I think you're right on this RDM, don't necessarily need to cover all the bases in terms of storytelling, I normally wouldn't bother going back and redoing something like this. Suck it up, learn and move on. With this song, I'll make an exception, there's something about it worth salvaging. It's like a teen song, which is definitely not my taste. I've no idea what genre it falls under, any help?
Thanks for your comments, very useful.
Sid
revised
[intro]
[verse 1]
Our friends know, he can't see,
she's playin' him, it's killing me.
Love my brother, she knows that,
Her ex is mine, she's being a cat.
[verse 2]
He's lost, in love with her,
the truth too much to bear.
To him, she can do no wrong,
she'll just string him along.
[chorus]
She's runnin' a game, and I'm the prey,
what she's doin', will tear us apart.
She'll tell my brother, it's lies what I say,
It'll break my heart, to break his heart.
[verse 3]
I'm in a bind, what should I do?
tell him and, he'll ask how I knew.
If I did would it lessen the pain,
would he forgive me all the same.
[chorus]
She's runnin' a game, and I'm the prey,
what she's doin', will tear us apart.
She'll tell my brother, it's lies what I say,
It'll break my heart, to break his heart.
[bridge]
I had to do somethin' and do it fast,
break 'em apart and make it last.
My BF had stuff that would do the trick,
She'd be history when he saw the pic's.
[chorus]
She's runnin' a game, and I'm the prey,
what she's doin', will tear us apart.
She'll tell my brother, it's lies what I say,
It'll break my heart, to break his heart.
[outro]
break my heart, to break his heart.
to break his heart
[instrumental]
[Fade to End]
Comments welcome on the revision
0 -
I like the words Sid (Alfie?!. I rather like the backing too. At least I like the style of it which works well with your words. Some of the vocal phrasing is a bit strange which seems to be the problem with Ai generated songs at the moment. I also feel that it sounds kinda familiar too. I'm saying all this and one day you'll come back and say 'but Chris, I hired a full orchestra and a studio'!!
Good song mate. I enjoyed it😀
0 -
Hi Chris,
Got the lot for a quart of oil and a set of metric spanners, bloody bargain!
To be honest Chris, when it comes to Ai music, I'm like the kid in the arcade using one of those crane grabber things that pick up fluffy animals, complete hit and miss. If it's half decent I keep it, if not, I bin it and try again. If you like the music then please direct all your praise to me, anything else, Alfie's yer man!
Sid
1 -
That's a nice improvement. I definitely prefer v2.
0 -
You can use Itty -bitty links
Its a bit lost in some pro -nouns
But sounds cool with the AI girl
0 -
Thanks Elvis, really cool that link shortener, appreciated.
Sid
0 -
A lot of domestic complications in this. Yo've made them entertaining.
0 -
Wow0
Howdy, Stranger!