Under Her Hypnosis (lyrics)
These are the lyrics to a new song intended to accompany my forthcoming fictional horror novel. The song is about a guy who falls madly in love with the adorable Hedra, who is a dark, immensely powerful enchantress in the story. Hedra casts a hypnotic spell on him and uses him for ulterior motives. The lyrics relate how the guy tells his tossed-away girlfriend that she's yesterday's news compared to Hedra. He's a heartless jerk to his ex, but Hedra will destroy him after she's through with him! This is a very fast-paced pop-rock song in the 80s genre at 170+ bpm. I have a rough demo ready, and I should have a full demo and video by January. If anyone has any suggestions for improving the lyrics, please share!
Under Her Hypnosis Words and Music: Joseph Spain Produced by: Joseph Spain © 2023/2024 Joseph Spain song from my forthcoming horror novel "Omega's Dark" --Verse 1 You used to be a lovely girl Sorta lonely, kinda cute in your own way Now that's in the past And lost with yesterday --Verse 2 You used to be the special one With a radiance that made all faces smile But that's in the past You've only tears to cry Pre-chorus 1 Her presence is a mega-force She's in me, she's the one Her draw is an attraction With the pull 'n power of a thousand suns --Chorus I'm into her like a comet's tail I chase behind Our love storm's like a winter's blizzard white-out leaves me blind We come and move where her river's spirit drives me high Up off the ground Far beyond the clouds I'm under her hypnosis now --Verse 3 You used to be so fun to kiss Sorta clever, kinda new in your own way But that's over now That ship has sailed away --Verse 4 You used to be the only one With a perfect whisper wrapped in love so shy But that's over now You've many tears to dry --Pre-chorus 2 Her spirit is the only force Behind her there's no one Her call is an attraction With the pull 'n power of a million suns (repeat chorus) --Bridge Bliss is the lost state of mind An illusion in the sky I'm craving her and chasing her to the moon and to her hell I'll surely die (instrumental) woman whispering: (you're under my hypnosis now... you're under my hypnosis now... you're under my hypnosis now... you're under my hypnosis now...) (repeat chorus through fade out)
Comments
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Cool! The lyrics read fine as is, but I'll look forward to the demo coming through. happy to provide more feedback then. :)
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I would start with the pre-chorus to set up the song:
Her presence is a mega-force She's in me, she's the one Her draw is an attraction With the power of a thousand suns
(I would choose power and not pull n power here)
In the verses you need to stick to a POV - use "she's" instead of "you"
Also "you" is very personal and it feels like you are talking to her saying "kind of cute in your own way" which is a pretty harsh / dismissive thing to say to someone you supposedly love - that may be the point - but the she makes it sound more like you're talking to a buddy (like She Loves You)
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@RainyDayMan many thanks! I'm working on the demo now. :-D
@jgkojak2 thanks for your suggestions and ideas! In the entire song (except the bridge), he's talking to his ex girlfriend (harshly) and describing his new girlfriend, so the "you" parts are directed to his ex-girlfriend, and the "she" and "her" parts are about his new girlfriend. In the bridge, he's talking to himself, or thinking out loud.
Since I originally posted, I altered the bridge to:
--Bridge Bliss is the lost state of mind An illusion in the sky I'm into orbit chasing her past the moon into her hell I'll surely die
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Good lyrics. Looking forward to hearing it with music. A fast paced pop rock song should work I think.😀
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After a break, I've resumed work on the demo for this fast-paced song that I wrote back in December of last year. I've tweaked the lyrics a bit to the new ones shown below. I can't wait until openAI's new video creation tool 'Sora' is released. That will allow songwriters to create custom music videos that fit the narrative of a song as the songwriter imagines it! Amazing! I'll have a field day with that! 😀😎
Under Her Hypnosis Words and Music: Joseph Spain Produced by: Joseph Spain © 2024 Joseph Spain song from my forthcoming horror novel "Omega's Dark: The Transference" --Verse 1 You used to be a lovely girl Sorta lonely, kinda cute in your own way Now that's in the past And lost with yesterday --Verse 2 You used to be the special one With a radiance you made all faces smile But that's in the past You've only tears to cry Pre-chorus 1 My new love is a mega-force She's got me, she's the one Her draw is an attraction With the pull 'n power of a thousand suns --Chorus I'm into her like a comet's tail I chase behind Our love storm's like a winter's blizzard white-out leaves me blind She comes and moves where her river's spirit takes us high Up off the ground Far beyond the clouds I'm under her hypnosis now --Release She comes and moves and her river floods me skyward --Verse 3 You used to be so fun to kiss Sorta clever, kinda new in your own way But that's over now That ship has sailed away --Verse 4 You used to be the only one With a perfect whisper wrapped in love so shy But that's over now You've many tears to dry --Pre-chorus 2 My new love is the only force Behind her there's no one Her call is an attraction With the pull 'n power of a million suns (repeat chorus) --Bridge Bliss is the lost state of mind An illusion in the sky I'm into orbit chasing her 'round the moons of Neptune Drawn into her light (instrumental) woman whispering: (you're under my hypnosis now... you're under my hypnosis now... you're under my hypnosis now... you're under my hypnosis now...) (repeat chorus through fade out)
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Hypnosis may be in the title but the lyrics themselves are hypnotic.
The ex has just had the most poetic knock-back ever!
Looking forward to hearing this with a fast tempo
Sid
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You might be waiting a while longer for Sora. The team responsible has said that it won't be released any time soon. There are others available (as you likely know!) but nothing of the same calibre.
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@sidshovel Thanks! I played an early practice version for a girlfriend and she said "that's wild." Say, how is the song you and @ChrisPrice were/are working on together coming along? Looking forward to hearing that soon! 😎
@RainyDayMan I saw that report recently, and it's a bummer. I hope that was just talk to keep expectations reigned in. 😀
Cheers,
Joseph
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Work in progress. I've been a bit busy over the past few days so I haven't had chance to get my teeth into it, but I will. Watch this space!😀
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Indeed, looking forward to hearing this. It looks good. I'm not really up on the AI video stuff. I've used AI based software for some backing vocals...that went surprisingly well. I understand peoples' worries though. I wouldn't want to rely on it too much.
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@ChrisPrice Thanks, man! Regarding AI, I plan to use it ('Sora', when it's released) for creating highly-customized videos that fit the narratives of my songs. Regarding your upcoming track with Sid's lyrics, I'm definitely watching for that and looking forward to hearing it! 😀
Cheers,
Joseph
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Howdy, Stranger!