The road that I have travelled lyrics only
Hello everyone, this is my first post to the forum and I am grateful for the opportunity to participate.
I am 71 years old and have been a keen music fan all my life. I play a little ukulele and recently took an interest in the mechanics and theory of songwriting. I have written a few songs, read a dozen books and watched loads of videos on the subject. Not sure if I am on the right track, so all feedback is gratefully appreciated. Given my age this one seemed the most appropriate. Thanks in advance.
intro
verse
The orderly takes me down to my favourite spot
It's on the cliff's edge, overlooking the grey sea
In the Winter it makes me feel alive
Summer, there's a breeze so it doesn't feel so hot
chorus
I've time to dream, of all my days gone by
A ball of tangled memories I struggle to unravel
The montage, of faces, names and places
When I look back along, the road that I have travelled
verse
I've forgotten most of the women, I met in my time
Who graced me, with their body and their smiles
The tears and the pleasures, we shared in equal measure
The good things belong to them, any pain was surely mine
chorus
I've time to dream, of all my days gone by
A ball of tangled memories I struggle to unravel
The montage, of faces, names and places
When I look back along, the road that I have travelled
bridge
The many strides along my journey,
weren't always straight and true
If I left you with hurt in your heart
I hope, that you'll forgive me, before I have to go.
chorus
I've time to dream, of all my days gone by
A ball of tangled memories I struggle to unravel
The montage, of faces, names and places
When I look back along, the road that I have travelled
outro
Comments
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You have some skill! There's some lovely phrases and images there like:
A ball of tangled memories I struggle to unravel
And it's properly structured as a song, with lines of similar length across verses.
I like your chorus in particular, and the fact that the final line of it matches your title - that's good songwriting, placing your hook and title in the most prominent position.
Your chorus rhymes, but your verses don't. There are songs like that and it can work but it's less common. What made you go that way?
You play uke, have you written music for this? And if so is there any chance of recording it so we can hear the melody as well?
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Thank you sir for taking the time and effort to reply.
Your words and comments are both encouraging and instructive.
I chose to rhyme the first and last lines in the verse simply because it was different from the norm.
I tend to gravitate to simple constructs like abab or aabb, so I deliberately change to broaden my horizons a bit.
I do play a little ukelele, not good by any means. I only finished this song last night so I play around with a few chord progressions and post something in a few days.
Any suggestions from musicians out there would be most welcome indeed
My thanks once again, I think I will enjoy this forum.
Sid
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Hi, I particularly liked the chorus. You have definitely got a way with words. I like it because it tells a story of a life and feelings without over complicating things.
"The tears and the pleasures, we shared in equal measure" great line
The verses are great as well, thanks for sharing
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I chose to rhyme the first and last lines in the verse simply because it was different from the norm
Aah I missed that! The way it's sung could make that more (or less) obvious.
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Thank you Katie, I appreciate your feedback. Your comment on not overcomplicating things is spot on.
I found this the most difficult part of the song to write. My natural tendency is to write, write and write till I end up with a song resembling a Viking Saga. A great deal more effort was required to condense these two verses than the other songs I have written. Your comments give me the reassurance that with hard work it can be done. Thanks again.
Sid
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Indeed, you have a way with words. I too particularly like the chorus. Age should never be an issue when it comes to creating words and/or music, and I think you're on the right track here. As I suggested with one of Katie's lyrics, I might be tempted to put verses one and two back to back before going into the chorus. Only a suggestion of course. It would depend on what type of song this works with.
Good to see you here.
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Thank you Chris, if I may, for your comments and support. Your words are very encouraging.
If you don't mind, could you clarify one point for me?
You suggest verses 1 & 2 go back to back. As it happens, most of my other songs follow this construct.
In this case, I felt with just two verses in the whole song, followed by chorus-bridge-chorus, the song may seem too short.
What are your thoughts on this? The song would likely be a sad melancholy type.
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Looks pretty good for your first post , VCVCBC , Good structure and current
One tip.. its always good to have consistent rhyme scheme . most professional songwriters will tell you that
Good job man , Age has nothing to do with anything , Write On !!!!!!!!!!!!!
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It was just a passing thought. It really depends on the style. If it's sad/melancholy then I could be wrong. It's hard to know till it gets put to some music. Great lyrics.
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Hey there!
The title seemed interesting and so I clicked to check out your work. There is definitely talent in your soul and blood that’s for sure! I think you have a great way of choosing your words. It seems emotional but “grown” and that’s hard to find. It takes the reader up and has a grandeur-character. That’s definitely a quality as long as it’s not to much. Be careful that your SONG don’t get lost here. Like Owen/rainyday I missed the rhyme when I first read it. It’s a bit drowned by the character I described above and because of that, my advice for you is: give more rhymes a chance. Not every line, not the whole chorus and what so ever, but give it a chance to be memorized, so that it gets a bit “softer” into the listener’s ear and this way into his soul and brain.
If you ask me for an image, I’d say that you built up solid paths and impressive walls in your song but the treasure I’d long to find while I listen/read and follow your footsteps could be more “golden”, and I think you can achieve that if you find your own way of rhyming. In your own style, not popish or all the ways modern music brings it to our ears…You have a special way of painting, what would help is a little bit more raw colour here and there. Just practice and find your OWN way. I sure would like that!
Anyway I hope I could have been helpful and I wish you sir a beautiful weekend!
RK0 -
I like this Syd! Way to bring in a sense of experience into this. I love the story. Maybe add something at the end about the orderly taking you home and what that was like...my 2 cents
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Howdy, Stranger!