Country love song
written again. I don't have a riff for it yet, but that will be fine. I'd like to know what you think of it. Open to suggestion. Thanks in advance
If These Roads
20 jun. 2022
Verse
If these roads divided us
which Way would you go .
would our Hearts be lighter .
or carry a heavy loads.
You know i'm a fighter
And never let you go.
they say that time.s healer.
but my soul would be sore .
As You turn around say
i don't know You nomore
Chorus
If these roads where dusty
Whit potholes on the trail
If these roads where cloudy
While Walking in the rain
Could you just love me
Just for who i am
I know i am no angel
I do the best i can
Verse
If our roads where one
Not two dusty trails
Would your heart beat faster
If i drove by and wave
Would you turn around
And follow me and say
I missed you honey
Couldent find the way
know our smiles are healing
give us one today
(Just give me one today)
Chorus
If these roads where dusty
Whit potholes on the trail
If these roads where cloudy
While Walking in the rain
Could you just love me
Just for who i am
I know i am no angel
I do the best i can
Verse
If these roads smell like home.
I'll come back today
Trough the vally over hills.
To find back your grace.
Nothing would hold my away
The things i feel for you
i drove so many roads
They all lead back to you
i drove so many roads
A circel around truth
Comments
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Definitely something worthwhile here.
The "roads" metaphor is obviously central to the lyric, but I feel like it could use something explicit to show in what way their lives are going in different directions. Something like: my road is taking me ..., but yours is ....
Also in the chorus "Could you just love me ... Just for who i am" seems critical, but the verses (to me) don't seem to show her wanting him to be something other than what he is. So maybe there is a way to tie that in more tightly.
I like the final verse with the potential for them to get back together. I didn't see that coming, but it feels good. And "To find back your grace." has a lovely ring to it.
And just a few typos etc;
time.s healer. → time's a healer
where dusty → were dusty
Whit potholes → With potholes
where cloudy → were cloudy
roads where one → roads were one
drove by and wave → drove by and waved (or drive by and wave)
Couldent find → Couldn't find
Trough the vally → Through the valley
hold my away → hold me away
circel → circle
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I would not use roads in your verse's , thats the big picture in Chorus
Also 99% of songs do not end on a verse , Its VCVC VC or add a bridge in a new direction
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Thanks for your comments
Rainydayman and elvis nash
I'm sorry for my poor english
It makes me see can.t trust google translate
So it needs some thinkering
Like a chorus on the end
And some corrections
Thanks for your time
And interest0 -
This black top is one adjective to use in v1 . You could use , Every country road led back to you
This gravel is kicking up
Red clay backwoods highway
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Any thing you can say without using Country road that should be saved for chorus
This black top
This gravel is kicking up
Red clay backwoods highway
Thats 3
most hits are only 2 verses ,
If you buy his book , You'll pass up songwriters by light years
https://www.amazon.com/Song-Building-Mastering-SongTown-Songwriting/dp/1543977901
They might have it in dutch I don't know
I would put Every country road led back to you
on top of chorus and the bottom
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You need a stronger hook , These Colorado Back roads took me back to you
You want a killer opening line
You love had me on a rocky mountain high
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Thanks for your Great comment elvis
I was looking for a stronger hook in the song .i'll rewrite it again and keep your toughts in mind .my holiday starts next week then i will continue with the song .
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I.m ordering the book to looking forward reading it0
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Ok here's the deal on reading that book , You learn all the facets . But its up to get great lines
No book is going to teach you that . He will tell you , You will need that
you read it a 100 times , Untll its memorized and listen to hits . Peoole use excuses I'm to old I'm to young , I got problems , everyone does . there is never a right time and them stars lining up, So get on with it
Well then you turn into a know it all , But still get shot from people who know more then you
Its all a comedy routine
One mistake away from hitting rock bottom
We all got them big problems
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You should never get a pay day loan from the Pomo tribe for 300.00 at 700% interest for half a demo , if you do don't tell your wife , you;ll never hear the end of it, Sending emails to them that your the mafia will not help, So bascailly your Custer in 2023
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See how he used orange as a hook . not easy
Its all conversatioal , but profound
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You need a stronger hook , These Colorado Back roads took me back to you
You want a killer opening line
You love had me on a rocky mountain high
That'll work , all things in Clorado in verses
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Buy a english book on grammar , thats your obstcale , some of the biggest hits are from Sweden , they probably studied English
5. ABBA was the first group to come from a non-English-speaking country to enjoy consistent success in the charts of English-speaking countries
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Hi @remfire
It's great to see you getting into the weeds and finding the clearest path forward. There's a lot of potential here and I se that @ElvisNash and @RainyDayMan are already doing a good job in pointing out the next horizon. Best of luck with it - lyrics not my strong point so I'll simply wish you the best.
CCB
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Hi you all
I found a suitable riff today.
a beginning with which I can give the song a shape.a kind of egg that falls from the sky.I am convinced that the subconscious knows very well where it wants to go.when you play music.
Elvis the book on his way to me.0 -
He will tell you a upbeat love song does the best , Not that tearjerker won't work , Read it 100 times till it's memorized
What does college cost a year ? Maybe 10k , So a book 10 bucks , if you think a day job is hard , Well mastering a song takes alot of work , for no pay and you still get it wrong trying to be different then every song you hear , it might be better buying a RV and forget the whole thing , travel see the Grand Canyon , things of that sort lol, Or not and argue with a dream
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Thats his buddy Clay Mills , its basically melody writing , Whats going on with hits
He went over this song
How the melody worked , on a simple melody sticks in your head
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Well my fingers hurt from practicing , so i'll talk to you , Get both books , college for 25 bucks or so
Not Yale or nothing , but close
The worse way on learning is , 4 divorces and living a a trailer in a junk yard , with the owner sayin the Chiness are taking over
so buy the books
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You have to own a dog to write a country song , its a rule , if you have a cat, a pop song is more likley , if you have a cat and a dog , expect a cross over . it also hinges on what sign you are Leo ect
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I do own a dog .called timber
So thats one point on the list0 -
lol
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I thought this was really good. One suggestion I humbly offer is that it could use stronger imagery and/or a few lyrics that are less vague. Is there a specific memory or to you could tie in, vividly, to address both?
Listen it Zach Brown’s “Sweet Annie.” This song gave me the same vibes as that one and might help serve as an inspiration to finish this one off perfectly.0 -
hi wannabe troubadour
sorry for my late response. I lost my password. But as you can see I found it again.
thank you for your comment
i think zack brown is a very good artist.and like his approach to text
very good .sweet annie. is really super written and performed0
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