One Day Soon
https://audius.co/sidshovel/one-day-soon (right click then open link in new tab,) to open song.
lyrics SS : music/vocals Ai
[verse 1]
I've been waitin' for my turn,
for nigh on eighteen years.
Parents, tellin' me be patient,
my time, will soon be here.
[verse 2]
A star, in front of my mirror,
I've been practicin' every day,
Hopin' I'll stand, on that stage,
believin', it'll come my way.
[chorus]
Waitin' for, my chance to come.
no more, howlin' at the moon.
My day's, gonna be someday,
when it gets here, one day soon.
[verse 3]
Every year, here at this spot,
singin', dancin', playin' guitar.
Watchin' folks I know up there,
each, imaginin' they're a star.
[verse 4]
Parents squeeze my hand an' say,
one day, that's gonna be me,
Lose those braces off my legs,
an' for a few songs, I'll be free.
[chorus]
Waitin' for, my chance to come.
no more, howlin' at the moon.
My day's, gonna be someday,
when it gets here, one day soon.
[bridge]
My name's, called out loud,
walk awkward, to the front.
First taste, of stage fright,
so hot under these lights.
[final chorus]
Waitin' for, my chance to come.
no more, howlin' at the moon.
My day's, gonna be someday,
when it gets here, one day soon.
[outro]
crowd's talking, not listenin',
till the first notes hit the air.
A voice, rises to the heavens,
all eyes, they're turned on her.
Comments
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Lovely story Sid! Develops nicely. Pulls on the heartstrings there with the braces and stagefright. Good to see it come to fruition at the end.
I think the chorus needs a bit more punch in that 3rd line. Maybe "My star's gonna light up the sky" or something more like that.
I'm not keen on the perspective switch at the end. It would feel more natural to me to keep it from her viewpoint. Perhaps:
crowd's talking, not listenin',
till the first notes hit the stage.
My voice, rising to the heavens,
And their eyes all turn my way
Ai has done well with the music, given it a homely feel that matches the lyric.
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Thanks RDM,
"I'm not keen on the perspective switch at the end. It would feel more natural to me to keep it from her viewpoint."
I have to admit it did bug me at the time, but I lazily skipped past it.
Mind if I pinch your suggestion and rerun it for my own benefit?
As to chorus 3rd line, I was looking for a play on the word day(s) as in "my days-one day- some day", a kind of literary device like assonance. I like the way it flows so I'll probably pass on that one, but thanks.
Appreciate your help, as always,
Sid
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Sid, you can use or dismiss any suggestion of mine in whatever way helps you best!
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Amended outro, with thanks to RDM
Crowd's talking, not listenin',
not takin' much notice of me.
My voice, rising to the heavens,
as one, in silence, they turn to see.
Song updated on Audius
Thank you,
Sid
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Nice! I like it.
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The last scene reminds me of a commercial I've seen, where this janitor is sweeping the stage, suddenly somebody convinced him to sing, next thin you know he's in performing clothes singing.
I like the singing voice, it all reminds a bit of somewhere over the rainbow.
A stronger title maybe...but I like the idea0 -
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@sidshovel - good song, is this about somebody specific, or a generic person you made up 🤔
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Fusion of thoughts from Tom Wait's Kentucky Avenue and Susan Boyle video off Britains Got Talent.
Recommend listen to the first an' watch the second on YouTube.
Kentucky Avenue's about Tom's boyhood friend who had Polio, also check out his comments on the song, brilliant.
Susan was/is an acute introvert and suffered from depression, what strength to do what she did.
There is inspiration for songs everywhere if you just look!
To answer your question Bill, through song I make my inventions come alive, it's great fun.
Sid
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A nice sound. Suno does a good job. I didn't think I was going to like this as much as I do until the braces line. Goose bumps moment.
I wonder if it wouldn't be improved by changing up the final chorus. After all, her day has come. She's not waiting for it any more. It would work as it is without the outro because she could still just be seeing everything in her imagination. However, the outro makes it clear that it's actually happening, the Susan Boyle moment. Maybe something like....
At last, my day has come
No more, howlin' at the moon.
My day's.....today
The band is playing my tune/I turn to face the room
I really like this one.
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So moving!!! Enjoyed the arrangement, lovely guitar, wonderful story even being so sad at some moments!!! Loved it all!
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I saw that episode of Britan's got talent when it came first popped up on my feed. they did not expect that :)..
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@OnlyGavin, Thank you for your considered and helpful comment, I appreciate your time and effort very much.
I consider myself lucky to have two accomplished songwriters, yourself and @RainyDayMan pass on really fantastic suggestions for improving the outro. With your permission, I'll play around with both and hopefully contrive an outro that incorporates the best of the two. I agree, a change up at the end would round off the story to a more satisfying conclusion and provide the audience with a sense of completion.
Thanks again Gavin,
Sid
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@bhengen, What a lady, what a voice. I find the more fulfilling songs I write are those of the simplistic scenarios that occur every day, e.g. looking out the window, waiting in a queue, reflecting on the past. Couple those with another element and you have endless opportunities for song subjects.
@MoraAmaroLaLoba, Thank you Mora for your kind words, good to see you back!
Sid
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Good one as usual Sid. Nice twist on the lyric. Suno doing its thing!0
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