Help for lyrics
Considering my difficulties with English language, I put here this lyrics before creating the song…please if you notice something wrong with grammar or something that doesn’t sound good could you tell me?🙏
PRAYER
Two eyes are not enough
to read everything in everyone
give me yours
Chenrezig
Two hands are just too few
for what in my plans I have to do
give me more
Mahadevi
The heart does not yet
strive for others without regrets
Give me yours
Mother Tara
The journey will be long,
cause infinitely vast are the worlds
Bring me luck
Ganapati
This mind still believes
that my pain, my suffering exists
Give me yours
Shakyamuni
my mind’s abode
is not a clear sky always full of love
may I discover yours
Vajradhara
My verses are empty and raw
They are not as sublime as your eternal song
Inspire my notes
Saraswatī
I have not yet understood
that every quantum of energy contains you
Praise to you
Shri Lalita
Light your light
in this night
Mind of pure love
Amitabha, Amitabha
Light your fire
in this body
Energy that never ends
Kundalini, Kundalini
Om
Shanti
Om
shanti
Comments
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I don't see nothing wrong with them . My words are hurtful and raw
There not really empty , taking it literally
lets forget your a songwriter and use words
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Thank you so much Elvis! I always appreciate your help🙏0
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Some hit writer told me something a few years ago , Don't make your lyrics like a songwriter wrote them . The average Joe is talking
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I think overall this reads really smoothly.
The only lines I would point to are:
Two hands are just too few
for what in my plans I have to do
and I don't think those are grammatically wrong, but perhaps not as natural. Maybe:
Two hands are just too few
for all that my heart says I must do
but you mention "heart" again in the next verse, so perhaps you won't want to use that in this one.
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all the things I need to do
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Thank you very much Rainy and Sid🤗🤗🤗They I will take Sid’s version🙏0
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This is a proofread version.
“Prayer”
Two eyes are not enough
to read everything in everyone.
Give me yours,
Chenrezig.
Two hands are just too few
for what in my plans I have to do.
Give me more,
Mahadevi.
The heart does not yet
strive for others without regrets.
Give me yours,
Mother Tara.
The journey will be long,
because infinitely vast are the worlds.
Bring me luck,
Ganapati.
This mind still believes
that my pain, my suffering exists.
Give me yours,
Shakyamuni.
My mind’s abode
is not a clear sky always full of love.
May I discover yours,
Vajradhara.
My verses are empty and raw.
They are not as sublime as your eternal song.
Inspire my words,
Saraswatī.
I have not yet understood
that every quantum of energy contains you.
Praise to you,
Shri Lalita.
Light your light,
in this night,
Mind of pure love,
Amitabha.
Light your fire,
in this body,
Energy that never ends,
Kundalini.
Om,
Shanti.
Om,
Shanti.
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It all looks good to me 😀
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Thank you so much @IronKnee and @OnlyGavin !
I didn’t look at the forum in these days so I missed your kind answers. I really appreciate!
I tried to give life to this lyrics but after 300 songs discarded I think only human can do it…I was looking at a fresh sound like this:
https://youtu.be/HgLboqMXjPY?si=3C7aoZ7uApDiFgpI
But it was impossible…😅0 -
I really appreciate @IronKnee’s help. Maybe in the future it will come a melody…If anyone wants to try, feel free to do it!0
Howdy, Stranger!