Arizona's Not On the Ocean (worktape)
SOUNDCLOUD: https://on.soundcloud.com/088eVybXbIpj3tyZgm
I'm hoping a local country band will think one of my songs is good enough to cut. Here's my latest effort. I'm amazed I got this in just one take, after the other 199.
The last I checked, Arizona's not on the ocean
It's 105 and hasn't rained in weeks
Even cactus pray for a drop of water
and the fish swim in dust down at the creek
CHORUS
But it's flooding in this bar here in Tucson
Waves of beer so high I might drown
The whiskey current's trying to pull me under
since you took off with him and left town (still not entirely sold on this line)
We were running low just before you left me
You were drinking from the well of another guy
Then I called and got a disconnected number
and heard the news you'd left me high and dry
CHORUS
Now it's flooding in this bar here in Tucson
Waves of beer so high I might drown
The whiskey current's trying to pull me under
since you took off with him and left town (even the 2nd time through I'm still not sold on it !)
The last I checked, Arizona's not on the ocean
There's no reason for this rising tide
The rapids pulling me down to the bottom
are made of beer and the tears I cry
Comments
-
Structurally I don’t think your repeating your hook enough like George Strait would do in Ocean front property
I've got some ocean front property in Arizona
From my front porch, you can see the sea
I've got some ocean front property in Arizona
If you'll buy that, I'll throw the Golden Gate in Arizona
It’s repeated 6 times on his song
2 times each chorus
By the end you won’t forget hook0 -
"Ocean Front Property" is a song written by Dean Dillon, Hank Cochran and Royce Porter and recorded by American country music artist George Strait.
I'd follow them , net worth 500 million by George
0 -
Some nice strong visuals there. The hot, dry dust of Arizona, and the flow of beer at the bar.
For the last line of your chorus, it might sound good if you could start it with "I wonder" to player off "under" from the prev line.
So maybe: "And I wonder should I let it take me down" or something like that?
0 -
I continue smiling while I comment on your song, very funny and full of imagery song!!!
1 -
Oh, yeah, I've got a couple of George Strait hits compilations, the "50 Number Ones" and the "Vol. 1 & 2" discs from the `80's. It amazes me he's in his 70's yet I see twenty-somethings covering him on TikTok!
0 -
Well he never wrote any of them , But he's a genius for picking the right songs , He still tours in Vegas , Great life. Ignorance is bliss on alot of things in life is great . You don't wanna know . Being a great songwriter is not one of them. You wanna know every aspect of a hit song . How miserable are people that wanna know everything about everything ?
0 -
Whoops! I decided I didn't like the EQ I put on it and re-uploaded, but now the original link doesn't work. For those of you dying to hear the incubation of this big hit, go HERE: https://on.soundcloud.com/Zwm88w3AFm7s2qWzbd
0 -
I had some time so rewrote it , Commercial country songs ,You need that hook pounded in listeners head
Do I know anything at 71 and years working with hit writers , Depends who you ask
Take it or leave it , Just trying to help
[Verse]
Arizona's not on the ocean
But the waves still crash in my mind
Cactus needles and open skies
Dusty trails where the dreams unwind
[Chorus]
No water for miles no tide to sway
But I keep swimming anyway
Desert sands can’t stop my motion
Arizona’s not on the ocean
[Verse 2]
Mountains whisper in the moonlight
Saguaro shadows stretch and grow
The stars they drip like silver rain
A dry land dance where rivers don't flow
[Chorus]
No water for miles no tide to sway
But I keep swimming anyway
Desert sands can’t stop my motion
Arizona’s not on the ocean
[Bridge]
I’m building castles in the red dirt
With tumbleweed rolling as my surf
The sun’s my lighthouse my compass burns
Chasing horizons where the sea still turns
[Chorus]
No water for miles no tide to sway
But I keep swimming anyway
Desert sands can’t stop my motion
Arizona’s not on the ocean
0 -
"And the fish swim in dust down at the creek" - I love that line. Very visual.
This is old-school country. I don't know how much of a market there is now for this, but I like it. Nice chorus, an echo of The Spirit of New Orleans in the melody.
0 -
I think you’re right to be unsure about that line — compared to the rest of the lyric, it feels more like “telling” than “showing.” Everything else is strong imagery, and that one line just states the fact.
A picture might carry more weight there. Something like “since you left me stranded in this desert town” not only shows the feeling, it also ties right back into the Arizona setting. That way the chorus keeps its flow of images without breaking.
1 -
There's a new 20-something guy, Zach Top, who's brought back the George Strait-Alan Jackson style of country and Gen Z loves him. Another young guy named Jake Worthington (maybe you know these names, they're new to me). Will Banister is a guy a little more off-the-radar but he's got some brilliant lines in his songs. I'm hoping some of these new bands on the rise will take an interest in this old guy's songs.
Good point! I need to think on this some more. I go through waves of huge enthusiasm, then lose morale and drop everything for a month, then come back. Maybe I better get back on the stick!
0
Howdy, Stranger!