Best Of

@RainyDayMan Yeah, I actually was speaking with Toney on the phone yesterday when he mentioned your song! Told him I'd head over and listen; glad I did. And so far as me looking at structure, lyrics are my thing; nothing prettier to me than 'Words on Paper' (allbeit a computer screen). 🤣 But you can't have that title 'cuz I already wrote it!! Lol! Then again, you can have that title if you would like 'cuz no title is owned except for the REAL famous ones (I think).

Renee

It may be small and irrelevant to the suits, but it's everything to you and yours, and that's the only thing that matters.

Line 1 "In other words you did lie to my face" makes me feel like I'm coming in, in the middle of an argument. Gives it a feeling of energy and dynamism straight away. Not as keen on "you did lie", I think "you lied" would feel more conversational, but that's your choice. There's a couple of similar spots like "leave it in silence abound" that also don't feel very natural.

Your title is intriguing as it's not really reflective of the song, beyond the 'day on the sands" towards the very end. If your aim was a commercial song, I'd suggest a much stronger link to the lyric to help people remember it. If it's more of a personal song then all bets are off, and an enigmatic, mysterious title is just fine! I guess it could also be "Something Lost by the Sea"

"I walked out on you before you could too" I like that line. It feels very human and real.

With your rhyming I'd prefer an A,B,A,B scheme than the A,A,B,B you have here, and for the most part I think you could literally just reorder the lines you already have and it would work just fine. But that's a personal preference and if you ask 3 people you'll probably get 3 different answers!

You've indicated a chorus, but I didn't see any indication you are repeating it. Are you using it again after v3 or v4 or is it a one off as shown here?

I like how you finish on "that's when i knew that our love was quite dead". It's form meeting function: the end of the love affair and the end of the song together. Quite the full stop.

Good stuff Phil!

You are all entitled to your opinions, but not to derail this thread. This is for feedback on Bill's song. Please stay on track.

If you feel the need to discuss the issue take it to the General Discussion area, though I would say that typically those kind of discussions go round in circles and achieve nothing.

Yeah, they're just very different vibes. Version A has more of a modern pop/soul sound like I'd expect from someone like Michael Buble or Andy Grammer, but Version B has more of an old school R&B / funk sound that has more of an upbeat dance vibe that I really like.

@OnlyGavin - it's not a common word. :)

Love the sentiment, and I bet your son does too. In one way, I'm impressed with what Suno has done, since the structure of the song is sort of loose and informal in places. It's impressive that the AI can handle that. On the other hand, I don't think it does quite as good a job with this lyric as it has with some others.

I think it's a good blend of detailed incidents to make it feel real and more up-front emotional expression.