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Sheer Noises, Sharp Movements, Shrill Colors
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 Posted: Sun Jun 13th, 2021 01:12 am
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sapphire2685
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Hi! So I'm not sure this collection of songs fits very snugly into the Gospel genre, but it does explore themes through religion, so I thought here would be the most appropriate place to post. This is a 10 track narrative about a pigeon and the adventures thereof. I would love any feedback, criticisms, or advice anyone could give me!

Here is a link to a google doc because it's probably too long to post in the body of this message:
--(EDIT: clearing out my computer. I removed the link)--

Last edited on Thu Aug 26th, 2021 10:45 pm by sapphire2685

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 Posted: Sun Jun 13th, 2021 11:21 pm
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RainyDayMan
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As far as categories here on TSF, this might be better in the Pop/Rock/Alternative section. It feels like a big stretch to call it Gospel.

Were these written intentionally for music? If so, what kind of music did you have in mind? At a surface read they feel much more like poetry.

There's some very vivid imagery in there, and a surrealist kind of style. Those elements could work very well in songs.
But you need to structure a lyric to anticipate the music.

The music in songs typically has phrases that repeat, with variations to provide interest. So your lyric should have recognizable sections that look/feel/sound the same and possibly several types of them. You don't necessarily need to follow a traditional verse/chorus/bridge structure, but unless your music is random, your lyric should have a pattern to it. Also, music has rhythm, and the best lyrics fall into a natural rhythm as well that can be heard and guides you on how they should be phrased/sung.

And remember that songs are to be sung not read. How does your lyric sound?. Does it have short clipped syllables at the end of lines that will be difficult to sing? Rhymes are often used in songs because they sound pleasing to the ear. Not every song needs them, but you should definitely be saying your lyric aloud and listening to how it sounds.

Styles like rap and hip-hop are often more loosely structured but even there these elements are critical. Rap is all about how the words sound, and hip-hop is melodically based but with more fluidity in the phrasing.

Perhaps you already have these set to music and will prove me wrong. But poetry is not automatically song lyrics. You need to write specifically for songs.



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 Posted: Mon Jun 14th, 2021 12:09 am
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sapphire2685
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I've always written on hip hop beats in the past, where everything was more based off of a flow scheme of syllables, and the bars could be longer. I haven't really thought of how these could be sung, but I have a flow for them bar by bar. In the future it probably would be more appropriate to post in Pop/Rock/Alternative, but I couldn't find a hip hop section and I saw that religion was a theme in gospel. Thanks for the feedback :) this helps a lot, I might go back to doing one of those four by four beat chart things to get it to work better like that

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 Posted: Mon Jun 14th, 2021 12:27 am
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RainyDayMan
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Do you have any recordings of the hip hop styles you've done before? Would be good to hear those.



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 Posted: Mon Jun 14th, 2021 12:55 am
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sapphire2685
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I often write for other people (my friends mainly I'm not in the music business), and I'm too embarrassed to share a recording sorry. My sound is atrocious, but I'm practicing. I want to be a songwriter some day, but I don't really record my stuff/share any recordings I do.

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 Posted: Mon Jun 14th, 2021 01:14 am
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RainyDayMan
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This is a good place to start to share. If you put a comment with your post saying you are interested in feedback on the song rather than the recording then people will usually respect that.

If you want to become a songwriter, at some point you will need to let people hear your songs!

At the moment it is hard for me to give feedback on your lyrics alone, because I can't imagine how they are meant to sound, so can't tell if they are working or not.

But that decision is yours. You are welcome to post lyrics only and get feedback on those. It just may not be as helpful to you.



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