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"Cat Out The Bag"
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Thu Jun 3rd, 2021 09:44 pm
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twelfths
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I wrote this in January. Would love to know what you think!

Audio: https://soundcloud.com/ascidzz/cat-out-the-bag/s-C5zLL0sgFF1

LYRICS:
Cat out the bag, don't be pick of the litter
I ain't your pet, I am not a possession
My time is too precious, I cherish the minutes
Unlock potential, too much *** to get to

The past tryna creep up I'm tryna forget it
I can't be broke again, I can't be poor again
Bitch you can't son me, no I ain't your nephew
Bitch you are under me, who you gone step to?

Dollars and paper, allows me my safety
Took off and I aimed it and landed a deal
Cuddled in blankets, Netflix and I'm naked
Can somebody please tell me how is that real?

Everybody has their vices, bro don't be so spiteful
We all can be sensitive, chill
**** what you feel. See they be bucking
But ducking when it come the time to get killed




I wore my heart on my sleeve and they stabbed it
I had to do me, I had to be a savage
I worked and I kept my mouth closed till I had it
I'm happy with glee I'm actually emphatic

Homie relax, you know you don't want static
I look at the atlas, the world is so massive
You realize it's small when you really go after it
But some of you can't even leave your backyard

What are your goals, do you have a passion?
You focused on hoes, I'm focused on adding
They focused on clothes, I'm focused on matching
You open and closed, I give it my all

I'm on a roll, you won't catch me slacking
I'm tired of home, explore a new address
I get on the road and I don't go back there



Cat out the bag, don't be pick of the litter
I ain't your pet, I am not a possession
My time is too precious, I cherish the minutes
Unlock potential, too much *** to get to

The past tryna creep up I'm tryna forget it
I can't be broke again, I can't be poor again
Bitch you can't son me, no I ain't your nephew
Bitch you are under me, who you gone step to?

Dollars and paper, allows me my safety
Took off and I aimed it and landed a deal
Cuddled in blankets, Netflix and I'm naked
Can somebody please tell me how is that real?

Everybody has their vices, bro don't be so spiteful
We all can be sensitive, chill
**** what you feel. See they be bucking
But ducking when it come the time to get killed

Last edited on Thu Jun 3rd, 2021 09:45 pm by twelfths

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 Posted: Thu Jun 3rd, 2021 10:37 pm
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RainbowKeeper
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Hey there,
After a bit of frowning about these *** words I took the chance and listend to the track. I am amazed how fast you can speak, that’s a raw talent for sure. It’s a bit upsetting that the listener has a hard time to really „understand“ and get it all, a Little slower and a little bit more accentuation would make a stronger impact. But that’s just my opinion. Besides, I’m still trying to figure out what you really want to say here. It’s wordy, yes like those songs with a little bit of hip hop influences usually are, but it loses its track at some parts and Leads the listeners to a dead end. Coherence, through fast images connected lines, a clear hook and some good vibes are the big deal. The vibes are ok (I’d skip the first melodic seconds), the funny voice is a good addition, but the connection...I’m sorry but work on it to bring it more „together“ and to make a real statement.
Hope I could have been helpful
RK

Last edited on Thu Jun 3rd, 2021 10:38 pm by RainbowKeeper



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 Posted: Fri Jun 4th, 2021 02:53 am
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RainyDayMan
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I think that's a strong track!

My only suggestion is to include a little more ambient space between verses to really contrast with the machine gun delivery of the lyric (great performance on that). It's only a couple of minutes long as is, so there's room there to do it, and it would link back nicely to the intro.

I like the 2nd vocal used sparsely.
And the child's voice is memorable and a strong contrast to everything else.

But the vocal delivery is the highlight, and generates the rhythm for the song.

Good stuff.



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 Posted: Fri Jun 4th, 2021 08:05 am
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twelfths
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Thank you for your response, RainbowKeeper!

I think your assessment sums up my songwriting style well: coherence, fast imagery through connected lines, and good vibes! I like to consider my style as Triumphant. Why wouldn't this much passion pour from overcoming adversity in a genuine way?

Which perfectly sums up this writing, which simply describes someone coming out of his own ignorance, wretchedness and enslavement and into his obligation as a leader.

Thank you again for listening. :)

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 Posted: Fri Jun 4th, 2021 08:12 am
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twelfths
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Thank you for your response, Rainy Day Man.

I appreciate the acknowledgement of the sound recording in tandem with the lyrics. I think the biggest thing about writing in a faster style is forgetting you're talking quickly, so I appreciate the reminder that my lyric structure was pretty homogenous.

Thank you for listening!

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 Posted: Fri Jun 11th, 2021 12:17 am
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Andrea
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I really like the lyrics. I felt they were meaningful and worked all the way through.

You are very talented. I am impressed with how fast you can articulate all the words. That being said, I would like to hear more contrast between the parts. IMO the second (around 55 seconds) would work better if you slowed it down. Maybe this part could be drawn out even more (just how I imagine it).
"What are your goals, do you have a passion?
You focused on hoes, I'm focused on adding
They focused on clothes, I'm focused on matching
You open and closed, I give it my all"

Are you planning to add any more instrumentation? I hope to see this progress. I enjoyed it a lot.



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 Posted: Fri Jun 11th, 2021 08:27 am
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twelfths
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Andrea wrote:
I really like the lyrics. I felt they were meaningful and worked all the way through.

You are very talented. I am impressed with how fast you can articulate all the words. That being said, I would like to hear more contrast between the parts. IMO the second (around 55 seconds) would work better if you slowed it down. Maybe this part could be drawn out even more (just how I imagine it).
"What are your goals, do you have a passion?
You focused on hoes, I'm focused on adding
They focused on clothes, I'm focused on matching
You open and closed, I give it my all"

Are you planning to add any more instrumentation? I hope to see this progress. I enjoyed it a lot.


Thank you for your feedback, Andrea.

This material was created as a means to express my writing ability, I like to post videos of me freestyling and reciting lyrics I wrote to my fans, so this is like a self-reference track moreso than an actual song -- I don't have any plans regarding instrumentation.

I appreciate your specific notation on where you believe a "breather" of sorts is necessary, and I do agree in terms of my expression and also the listeners' consumption lol.

Last edited on Fri Jun 11th, 2021 08:28 am by twelfths

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 Posted: Mon Jun 14th, 2021 05:23 pm
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fep
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Thanks for sharing this, I enjoyed listening.

I'm probably a couple generations older than you, I don't have experience with your style but... Reading through the lyric, I really like the way you rhyme the lines, really great rhyming vocabulary, not child like perfect rhymes like Dr. Suesss, but sophisticated rhymes.



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 Posted: Sat Jul 10th, 2021 09:38 am
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twelfths
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Hey, fep.

Thank you for your feedback, I am grateful.

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 Posted: Mon Jul 12th, 2021 09:10 pm
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I2ain_2_Battle
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Thanks for writing this.. I like the up beat pace of the song.. It really helps adding emotion to the words.

Thanks



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 Posted: Mon Jul 19th, 2021 05:30 am
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twelfths
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Thank you for your response, I2ain_2_Battle. I appreciate your feedback!

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