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Only Fire, No Sun
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 Posted: Tue Jun 1st, 2021 01:32 pm
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icystorm
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I'm working on the pre-demo phase of my new song "Only Fire, No Sun". The vocals at this stage were recorded on a cheap headset, not my usual high-quality mic with pre-amp and air screen. The vocals will be recorded again later after I work out the final arrangement. So, this is definitely a work-in-progress.

https://app.box.com/s/gna8dd8s3gvfi9ki70s2c2arukfz2gxx

My question is about the arrangement. In the pre-demo, after the bridge, I go directly to the chorus/outro, but I'm considering following the bridge with the second pre-chorus (or maybe an instrumental middle), then the chorus/outro. Does anyone have any thoughts about that?

bridge then chorus/outro

OR


bridge, then repeat pre-chorus 2, then chorus/outro

OR


bridge, then instrumental middle, then chrous/outro


This is a fast-paced, high-energy rock song of the mid-80s genre. These are the final lyrics that I decided on and I'm happy with. When I complete a full demo and video soon, I'll post those in the music database forum. Many thanks to everyone for suggestions regarding the arrangement! :)

--

Only Fire, No Sun
Words and Music: Joseph Spain
Produced by: Joseph Spain
© 2021 Joseph Spain

--Verse 1
Evil paves your road to suffer
her truths and lies
The teacher draws your lesson
burns it into your eyes

-- Pre-chorus 1
Autumn's winds will reach you
(her zephyr will burn)
And her tides will teach you
(the lessons you'll learn)
And her storms will break you
(you will know)
All the way down
Where her stairs descend
You will go

-- Chorus
Feel the pain of her flame
Your first warning
Taste her kiss
In her spell you are falling
Pledge your soul on the wrong side of midnight
Follow her dark and you'll know
Only fire, no sun
Only fire, no sun

--Verse 2
You've got to taste her skin
It's a fever that burns inside
Wrapped inside her flesh it's too late
to escape or die

-- Pre-chorus 2
Autumn's voice hypnotized you
(you're lost in her maze)
Her rough touch energized you
(your heart is her slave)
All her dark possessed you
(you are hers)
All the way down
Where her chains lead you
You will go

[Chorus]

-- Bridge
She draws blood with her nails through my heart
that only spills love for her
Lights my dark with the rings on her sun till I'm blind
I won't escape her desire
I can't resist and I don't deny her
It's so wrong to be hers
while she's not mine

[repeat chorus / outro]

Last edited on Tue Jun 1st, 2021 05:33 pm by icystorm



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 Posted: Tue Jun 1st, 2021 10:59 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Sounding good so far! really like the way you sing out on "only fire no sun" the 2nd time each chorus. Just what it needs!

I suggest putting in an instrumental before the bridge, then go into the chorus/outro as you have it.

You might experiment with repeating "only fire no sun" as a counterpoint to every line in the outro.



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 Posted: Wed Jun 2nd, 2021 12:22 am
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icystorm
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Many thanks for the helpful feedback, Owen, Your suggestions are great, especially ad-libing "only fire no sun" during the outro between lines. I'm trying an instrumental before and after the bridge to see which sounds best.

Cheers,
Joseph :)


Last edited on Wed Jun 2nd, 2021 12:40 am by icystorm



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My original songs are featured on my YouTube channel and Soundclick page.

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 Posted: Wed Jun 2nd, 2021 12:31 am
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RainyDayMan
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Cool! Trying it out is definitely the way to go. How it sounds is the ultimate test.



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 Posted: Thu Jun 3rd, 2021 01:16 pm
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icystorm
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Thanks, Owen. I'm looking forward to reviewing your next work. :)

I think I've settled on an instrumental after the bridge that leads into the outro, which I've placed in the updated pre-demo. The vocals track is still the same original low-tech version I quickly recorded just to help me form the melody and work out the chords. I'll record clean vocals today or tomorrow with my good equipment.

I've changed a few of the lyrics. My concept of "the teacher" being a metaphor for the skilled woman who is using her ways to "educate" the guy in the story about life's hard lessons in love doesn't come across clearly, as others have told me, so I'm strongly considering changing that to "your lover", plus making a few other minor tweaks elsewhere. I've also changed "your first warning" to "it's a warning" to make it less compressed and rushed in the chorus.

I will definitely ad-lib "only fire, no sun" during the outro, which was a great suggestion from you.

https://app.box.com/s/gna8dd8s3gvfi9ki70s2c2arukfz2gxx

Only Fire, No Sun
Words and Music: Joseph Spain
Produced by: Joseph Spain
© 2021 Joseph Spain

--Verse 1
Evil paves your road to suffer
her truths and lies
Your lover draws your lesson
burns it into your eyes

-- Pre-chorus 1
Autumn's winds will reach you
(her zephyr will burn)
And her tides will teach you
(the lessons you'll learn)
And her storms will break you
(you will know)
All the way down
Where her stairs descend
You will go

-- Chorus
Feel the pain of her flame
It's a warning
Taste her kiss
In her spell you are falling
Pledge your soul on the wrong side of midnight
Follow her dark and you'll know
Only fire, no sun
Only fire, no sun

--Verse 2
You've got to taste her skin
It's a fever that burns inside
Wrapped inside her flesh it's too late
to escape or die

-- Pre-chorus 2
Autumn's voice hypnotized you
(you're lost in her maze)
Her rough touch energized you
(your heart is her slave)
All her dark possessed you
(you are hers)
All the way down
Where her chains lead you
You will go

[Chorus]

-- Bridge
She draws blood with her nails through my heart
that only bleeds love for her
Lights my dark with the rings on her sun till I'm blind
I won't escape her desire
I can't resist and I don't deny her
It's so wrong to be hers
while she's not mine

[repeat chorus / outro]

Last edited on Thu Jun 3rd, 2021 01:25 pm by icystorm



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My original songs are featured on my YouTube channel and Soundclick page.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjXFmaQOdbumB8ZJI80F3g
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1376428
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 Posted: Thu Jun 3rd, 2021 10:57 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Cool! Nice to see it developing :)
Any chance of a solo during the instrumental?



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 Posted: Thu Jun 3rd, 2021 11:51 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Icy,

I know I am late chiming in, but hope it is ok. Personally I like the chorus- bridge- chorus.

After the bridge plays out I wanted to jump right into the upbeat chorus.

I think if you decide to go with instrumental it should be a ripping solo. The momentum is building and the instrumental after the bridge felt too low key for me. (but I like C-B-C best).

Just my two sense - if it makes sense :)



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 Posted: Fri Jun 4th, 2021 01:40 am
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icystorm
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Owen and Andrea,

Many thanks for listening and your great suggestions. I decided to shelve the instrumental after the bridge and go straight to the chorus as Andrea suggested, and I will spice up the outro with ad-libs during that part as Owen suggested. Thanks to you both!

Cheers,
Joseph :)

Last edited on Fri Jun 4th, 2021 01:40 am by icystorm



____________________
My original songs are featured on my YouTube channel and Soundclick page.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjXFmaQOdbumB8ZJI80F3g
https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1376428
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