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Rain or Shine
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Mon Apr 5th, 2021 02:12 am
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Lane
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https://soundcloud.com/user-745253707/rain-or-shine

Rain or Shine
v1]He was never one to waste His time,
but then His whole world disappeared.
The little girl He loved so much, would never come home again.

v2]The signs and pictures on the store front doors, have mostly faded
away, sometimes Her face takes me back
to Our younger, brighter days.

chorus
Dad came home from work that day
He was never the same man.
He sits on a bench He built for His girl... bows His head,
Rain or Shine..

Bridge:
All of the love
will never bring them back again
you keep a heart wide open,
love is always going to win.


v3] Came as no suprise to me
when We laid him next to Her
I said a prayer....and said good-bye

chorus 2
Dad came home from work that day
He was never the same man.
He sat on a bench He built, for his girl...
bowed His head...Rain or Shine..
tag:
through those years...Rain or Shine..

Copyright 2021 © Vincent All rights reserved.



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"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
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 Posted: Tue Apr 6th, 2021 05:13 am
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RainyDayMan
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That's a sweet song. Nice melody and finger picking.
I think it holds together well. The "Rain or Shine" is only loosely woven to the story but it still works.

You might consider switching "little girl" > "girl"
when I first heard that line I thought it was referring to his daughter, but after that it seems more like his wife.

I'd try dropping 'The' and make it:
Signs and pictures
to give it a little more room there
and if you wanted an internal near rhyme you could try:
store front windows
but doors sounds good as it is.

Enjoyed it! :)



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 Posted: Wed Apr 7th, 2021 04:25 pm
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Lane
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RainyDayMan, how are you?
been sometime i`ve been around thanks for taking a look and commenting. when I sang that part it was a little tricky, a little crowded at the lyrical point so that might be a great Idea. I`ll try it. hope all is good in your world.



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"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
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 Posted: Tue Apr 27th, 2021 11:00 pm
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Andrea
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This is a sad and emotional song. I think your voice is very nice and your music and singing conveys the right emotions.

Lyrically, although I get what happened (I did think it was a child that went missing?), there are a lot of gaps. You said this is a true story, so I refrain from further suggestions unless you want them. It can be difficult to make suggestion on a true story, esp. if they are personal.



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 Posted: Sat May 1st, 2021 04:05 pm
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Lane
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thanks Andrea for stopping and taking time to comment.
I didn`t want to say to much to see if the listener could figure it out with just the small lyric and music. I`ll see something on tv, or in life and hurry to write a little something..and a little music, I don`t think I have one of these songs that run over 3:00 mins. iy was a true story, but not personal. Any thing I put out here on the boards you welcome to jump right in with any thoughts, all that does is help me, sometimes hurts a little but thats ok too....lol this song and the story behind it;
I was sitting with a show on and I have three daughters, I could very easily relate to this, I would be me I thought.

the story: guy lost his daughter to a killer,
He built a bench in Her honor where she died
and they found her body. He would always sit there..
They say He died of a broken heart.
they found him on that bench, passed away. true story, A+E
Arts and Entertainment.
I almost got to 2 mins
thanks Andrea again for taking time to stop in. Lane



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"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
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 Posted: Sun Jun 6th, 2021 06:28 am
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cmaja
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Hey, This is a great country song! Very heartfelt. The only comment I have is: musically there is not a definite break from verse to chorus. If I weren’t reading the lyrics, I’d think the chorus was another verse. But I like it anyway.

Charles



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 Posted: Mon Jun 7th, 2021 07:58 pm
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Andrea
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I think the story is very intriguing a good idea for a song.

I think the POV is confusing. Third person POV might work best (but don't capitalize 'he'). Possibly even first person could work.

Here are some more thoughts to use or lose:

Rain or Shine
v1]He was never one to waste His time,>>- This line doesn't fit for me.
but then His whole world disappeared.
The little girl He loved so much, would never come home again.

v2]The signs and pictures on the store front doors, have mostly faded >>- this made me think she was lost/abducted
away, sometimes Her face takes me back
to Our younger, brighter days. >>- the change in POV was confusing here.

chorus
Dad came home from work that day >>- a child POV doesn't fit well with V1. I would stick to third person POV
He was never the same man.
He sits on a bench He built for His girl... bows His head,
Rain or Shine..

Bridge:
All of the love
will never bring them back again >>- you say 'them', but he the father hasn't passed yet.
you keep a heart wide open,
love is always going to win.

>>- IMO this part, with some tweaks would work well as the chorus.

v3] Came as no suprise to me
when We laid him next to Her
I said a prayer....and said good-bye

I think this part could work as a bridge. It introduces something new (the dad dying).

chorus 2
Dad came home from work that day
He was never the same man.
He sat on a bench He built, for his girl...
bowed His head...Rain or Shine..
tag:
through those years...Rain or Shine..



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 Posted: Mon Jun 14th, 2021 07:02 pm
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Lane
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thanks cmaja,
for taking time to comment, Its not much of a song, it
has room for more, but it was just a quick write. Lane

Hi A, hope all is good in your world, I copy pasted that help and put it in the folder, thanks so much, for your thoughts, all helps when I go back to rewrite. Lane

hope you all don`t mind me sticking those little song on the boards..

Last edited on Mon Jun 14th, 2021 07:04 pm by Lane



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"Blessed are the words of truth and fiction,
one might save you from the other...Vincent
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