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You Thought You Had Me at Goodbye!
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 Posted: Wed Nov 11th, 2020 03:31 am
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SongWriterJoe
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Title: You Thought You Had Me At Goodbye!
Lyrics Copyright © 2020-2021 Joe Givens

{V1}

I'll never forget when you you left
You played me like a fool
Tried ev'rything you could ta break me..
Never dreamed you'd be so cruel..

Babe I got a big surprise for you..
The pain didn't last too long..
Sat and had me a long cool drink..
And wondered where I'd gone wrong..

What had I done to deserve this?
Tossed and turned all night..
But just couldn't find anything..
I'd done that wasn't right.

So, decided just to suck  it up..
An' set aside my pride
Then I saw you there with him
Bet you thought you had me at goodbye!

{Chorus}

Yeah, you thought you had me at goodbye..
And you thought you could make this.. poor ol' cowboy cry..
Don't even bother tryin' with another sad alibi..
I know you thought you had me at goodbye..

I believed what we had was true
Then I saw the worst side of you
There was no need for any more hellos.
Knew it was time to move on, then, ya know!!

You really thought you had me at goodbye!!!!

Uh huhhhhh!

{Instrumental Interlude}


{V2}

I used to watch you from afar
When we were kids in school
Yeah, girl you were my everything
Guess even then I was just your fool!

If this had been the only time
I'd caught you sneakin''round my back
Guess I could've forgiven you
An cut you a little slack!

But I figgered out your wicked ways
You can only fool a fool's heart so long
Not going to be your fool  any more
Think i will?  Hate to tell ya, but you'd be wrong!

So I hope you're happy with him
Or whoever's stuck with you
An' they know what they're in for
A cheater's kiss is never true!

Oh, there's someone here I want you to meet
My new love, ain't she just so cute n' sweet?
When you said goodbye, then we said hello
Me? I'm doing fine.. thought you'd wanna know!


{Chorus 2}

You really thought you had me at goodbye..
An' honey, It's not like I didn't try.
Had it up to here with your honey flavored  lies..
But you won't ever see.. this ol' cowboy cry..

I've since moved on and you know why
Had enough drama here in life
Found me a good one who's not full of lies
You..thought.. you.. had.. me.. at goodbye!

{2nd time only}

{Spoken happily with sarcasm}

Hey! So long princess..
Sayonara, adios, arrivederci..

Don't let it hit ya where the door might git ya!

Yeah, girl, you thought you had me at goodbye!!!!

Yeeehaaawww!!  Hahahaha! 

{End}


Last edited on Fri Jan 29th, 2021 04:42 am by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Wed Nov 11th, 2020 09:03 pm
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Andrea
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Hi Joe, I like the idea that this girl did this guy wrong, and he worked it out in his head that it wasn't his fault, it was all her (nasty woman). Everything fits this except the title. I think you should change it to something that says more like 'so glad I said goodbye'

The other line that sticks out to me is "Grab your stuff you gotta go!!" Since she has already left, this doesn't make sense. Maybe just 'goodbye, you goota go'



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 Posted: Wed Nov 11th, 2020 09:58 pm
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RainyDayMan
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I like the attitude of this one. The pain didn't last. When I thought it about, you were in the wrong. It's a nice variation on a lament.

I like the title / hook, but I'm with Andrea that I interpret is having the opposite meaning to how it's used here. As in "I'm yours at goodbye" whereas he clearly isn't hers anymore at all!

It looks like you are only using the chorus once? Though it's possibly meant to be repeated at the end. That seems a waste of a good chorus. I can see you're trying to let the story build to the point where you can use the line:
Girl you had me at goodbye!
as a lead in to the chorus, but it seems a long time coming. If at all possible I'd look to get the chorus in after the second verse and used at least 3 times in the whole song.

One small thing you might look at is using "thought" in both the opening lines. I think it would sound better if you could swap one of those for something else, so maybe:
You thought you were so cool > Thinking you were so cool

But the song definitely has potential.



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 Posted: Mon Nov 16th, 2020 09:57 pm
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Billy_Lunch_Money
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Yeah, this is some tasty stuff. Andrea's right about the line "Grab your stuff you gotta go!!" It kind of threw me off a bit.



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 Posted: Wed Nov 18th, 2020 02:42 am
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BRD
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I think there are some times where the first three lines in a stanza are really, really strong- which is great. But I felt like I didn't get the payoff with the last line.

I'll never forget the day you left
You thought you were so cool
Thought you broke my cowboy heart
Now that was pretty cruel..


I really like the first three lines. I get the sense that this will be a sort of "How do you like me now" twist, which is fine for me, because I don't mind some Toby Keith now and again. That said, I don't feel like I get the payoff with the last line. I'd almost like that stanza wrapped up with maybe a backhanded insult to the girl for some reason.

But I've got a little surprise for you..
The pain didn't last that long..
I sat and thought 'bout it a while..
The day you done me wrong..


Same thing here. I really like where the first three lines are going. Really digging it, and I KNOW at this point I want an insult to the girl. Or at least a backhanded comment about her in regards to how you're coping.

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 Posted: Sun Nov 22nd, 2020 01:54 am
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cmaja
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Hey, SW Joe... I like all the stanzas and you have some good reviews to review. My concern is the structure. Four verses before you hit the chorus? Good thing you gotta a solid chorus. What happens after the ‘musical interlude?’ Perhaps repeat verse 4 and the chorus. An interlude suggests more lyrical stanzas. I’m confused. But a good start with great stanzas to work with. Thanks for sharing.

Charles



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 Posted: Thu Nov 26th, 2020 04:33 pm
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BeatlesFan64
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Hm...I agree with Charles, I think four verses before a single chorus is really pushing it. I think you could have one iteration of the chorus after verse 2 and another after verse 4. Other than that, I thought this was a really witty and funny lyric. You definitely turned the "woe is me" country trope on its head with this one. Personally, I love the title, it perfectly sets the tone for the lyrics. You know going in that this isn't going to be just another sad song. Great work!



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 Posted: Mon Nov 30th, 2020 02:57 pm
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echo insider
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Very well metered song with a timeless subject: navigating the capriciousness of the attention (or, lack thereof) by the object of one's affection in a heroic manner.
It seems our protagonist was aghast at first when she wanted to break up, but after some gut wrenching introspection he concluded that he was faultless, but was willing to do what it would take to repair their relationship. However, when he saw her with another guy, it was the final straw and he saw that she was never going to be the one for him and that their relationship was dead forever.
You must wonder if the image of his ideal love is still there waiting for another person to step into and be measured by. I find that the more pliant the models of my affection are the less often they are thrown off by the very real person forced to wear them.
Hope that's alright cud for thought. Cheers



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 Posted: Fri Dec 11th, 2020 12:36 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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That's the trick "you HAD (intentional past tense) me ('til) (at) goodbye (but not after!)". I almost changed the title to that, but I like the way it refers back to a popular saying, Triggers similar past memory references.

Last edited on Fri Dec 11th, 2020 12:50 pm by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Fri Dec 11th, 2020 12:37 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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Now this sounds like an interesting idea and I just might incorporate it. Thanks guys



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 Posted: Fri Dec 11th, 2020 12:44 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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echo insider wrote:
Very well metered song with a timeless subject: navigating the capriciousness of the attention (or, lack thereof) by the object of one's affection in a heroic manner.
It seems our protagonist was aghast at first when she wanted to break up, but after some gut wrenching introspection he concluded that he was faultless, but was willing to do what it would take to repair their relationship. However, when he saw her with another guy, it was the final straw and he saw that she was never going to be the one for him and that their relationship was dead forever.
You must wonder if the image of his ideal love
is still there waiting for another person to step into and be measured by. I find that the more pliant the models of my affection are the less often they are thrown off by the very real person forced to wear them.
Hope that's alright cud for thought. Cheers


Very insightful review. Yes, that is exactly what I was aiming for! Thank you for expressing it so much better than I ever would /could have. You definitely have the soul of a lyricist &/ or poet.

SWJ

Last edited on Fri Dec 11th, 2020 12:45 pm by SongWriterJoe



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 Posted: Fri Dec 11th, 2020 12:54 pm
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SongWriterJoe
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BeatlesFan64 wrote:
Hm...I agree with Charles, I think four verses before a single chorus is really pushing it. I think you could have one iteration of the chorus after verse 2 and another after verse 4. Other than that, I thought this was a really witty and funny lyric. You definitely turned the "woe is me" country trope on its head with this one. Personally, I love the title, it perfectly sets the tone for the lyrics. You know going in that this isn't going to be just another sad song. Great work!

A great idea about that 2nd chorus. I'm going to incorporate it.



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 Posted: Sat Dec 19th, 2020 02:51 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Joe, I really like it. Flows smoothly and hits its point. I hear it with a few words taken out here or there but that’s no big deal. Nice work!



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 Posted: Tue Dec 29th, 2020 03:03 am
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Taylorm260
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Hey there! When I read through this the first few times I was a little confused by the title as well, thinking that he still wanted her. It seems that you are writing by title here and really want to use that twist on the common phrase. So, just an idea, you could change the title of this piece to be a bit less misleading and then write another song with this title more around the lines of what rainy day man said. It could be like the girl is playing hard to get and that is really getting the guy's attention if you know what I mean. Just a thought.



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 Posted: Thu Jan 14th, 2021 05:25 am
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Taylorm260
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Sat and had me a little drink..
^^^^^ instead of saying little could you use a word that appeals more to the senses? Could you make us taste the drink through your descriptions? That would be really cool.

But just couldn't find anything..
^^^^^ usually in my own lyrics I find "could not" to sing better than "couldn't". It really depends on your melody, but just thought I'd throw out the possibility. Also, "I" may flow more smoothly than "just". Again, though it depends.

An' set aside my pride
^^^^^^ nice rhyme.

Bet you thought you had me at goodbye!
^^^ this line seems ever so slightly wordy to me, but if it works in the melody, then I'd say go for it.

Don't even bother tryin' with another sad alibi..
^^^^ Just an idea, if you wanted to end this line a little differently, you've already glossed over a possible rhyme in the sentence. You could say something along the lines of "I've heard every excuse so girl, don't even try." It works as is, but thought I'd point that out.

Uh huhhhhh!
^^^^^ cute

Yeah, girl you were my everything
^^^^ or you could show us a scene you may have seen or an example of how stricken you were.

Guess even then I was just your fool!
^^^^ cohesive

You can only fool a fool's heart so long
Not going to be your fool any more
^^^^^ at this point, I'm inclined to say you've used the word, "fool" too many times. That's a judgment call tho. It might be cute with the music.

Think i will? Hate to tell ya, but you'd be wrong
^^^^^"That" might make more sense grammatically than "but". Or you could say "but you are wrong".

A cheater's kiss is never true
^^^^^ You might also consider, "a liar's lips are never true."

My new love, ain't she just so cute n' sweet?
^^^^^^ do you need the "just"?

When you said goodbye, then we said hello
^^^^^ do you need the "when"?

An' honey, It's not like I didn't try.
Had it up to here with your honey flavored lies..
^^^^^ hmm. Not sure if I personally love the double honeys or dislike them, but they did grab my attention.... I think I like it. Interesting.

Haha. Cute ending. And maybe I'm just dense, but I didn't pick up on the sass and lightheartedness in the first draft. I personally can read the mood of the song much better now.



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