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M.P. Dudash
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Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
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Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
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We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
Or more than happy

Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone

She knows I want her
In more ways than one
It seems like forever
Since we fell in love

Her kisses still linger
On lips that aren’t mine
Is that just by chance
Or more by design

We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
Or more than happy

Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone

She’s a hot conversation
On a cold winters morn
She’s left this old heart
Both tattered and torn

If we don’t get to make love
Before we pass on
Please know you were both
My rose and it’s thorn

We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
So much more than happy

Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone

We gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone

Copyright © Michael P Dudash 2020

John_Sturgill
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I this this is excellent and your lines are about perfectly structured for a time frame of a bar.

Starting with the chorus? Think about this:

Verse 1

Chorus

Verse 2

Chorus

Bridge:
Write a contrasting 4 bar climb to the chorus

Chorus

Outro:
We gotta take chances
Before it's all gone

Hey, I know it's fitting into a mold, but if you write a bridge and move your verses and chorus into place. I think you'll see a diamond (not that it isn't one already.

P.S.
Let me know if you'd like it set to music

Last edited on Sun Oct 11th, 2020 03:09 pm by

M.P. Dudash
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Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1364
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
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John, thanks for the suggestions. This one I feel is better to start with the chorus. I could probably use a bridge. I will consider that. If you’d like to put some music to it feel free. I hear it as: You GOTTA take chances. A strong raspy emphasis on the word gotta in the opening. John, I have zero musical knowledge as far as bars etc.

John_Sturgill
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I don't know why I'm not getting notifications. Sorry about the bar reference. I'm not all that musically either. It's the time of 4 beats. Your lyrics are perfect as one line per bar. So your bridge would be perfect at 4 lines.

Andrea
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Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 2187
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
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Hi M.P., I like the simplicity in this. It has a nice feel and smooth flow. I feel that the chorus doesn't really fit the theme. He missed his opportunity, he wished he done things differently. The chorus work better, IMO, if it was more specific.

She knows I want her >>- I still want her
In more ways than one
It seems like forever
Since we fell in love >>- we were in love

Her kisses still linger
On lips that aren’t mine
Is that just by chance >>- was that by chance
Or more by design

We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
Or more than happy

Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone

She’s a hot conversation
On a cold winters morn
She’s left this old heart
Both tattered and torn >>-I love this verse

If we don’t get to make love >>- this doesn't make sense, since she seems to be out of the picture by now
Before we pass on
Please know you were both
My rose and it’s thorn

We gotta take chances
In this life to be
More than taken for granted
So much more than happy

Even long roads will end
And time passes on
So we gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone

We gotta take chances
Before it’s all gone


Just my thoughts to use or lose.

Motorist Sketchbook
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I like Andrea's comments on this.
And I think the relationship needs to be clarified.
It's not clear what the history is, or where they are at now.

Sketch

M.P. Dudash
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Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1364
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
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Thanks Andrea and Sketch. Some good suggestions and some changes necessary. Thank you

Andrea
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Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
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John_Sturgill wrote:
I don't know why I'm not getting notifications. Sorry about the bar reference. I'm not all that musically either. It's the time of 4 beats. Your lyrics are perfect as one line per bar. So your bridge would be perfect at 4 lines.

John,

At the bottom of the page- you can hit the "watch topic" on the left. You will a notification anytime someone posts to that topic.

If the time comes that you no longer want to get notifications for a topic, you can simply unwatch it.

Hope this helps :)


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