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The Look of Love Remembered
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Fri Aug 14th, 2020 11:32 pm
1st Post

Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 238
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
They ran to their grandpa; they each saw his smile
Reflect from the window; it had been a while
He said I’m remembering grandma today
The way that she looked and the things she would say

The oldest looked back at his mother and said
We never saw grandma; she’s gone on ahead
Could somebody tell us the way that she looked
The things that she said and the food that she cooked

Well grandpa turned round as if primed for the task
You know I’ve been waiting, I’m glad that you asked
Pretend that she’s sitting right here by my side
Each one closed their eyes—their minds open wide

Melody and Tempo change

She smiled in a very definite way
She never was quiet; had so much to say
A glimmer—a sparkle from both of her eyes
Gave me a lift just like you little guys

Yes, only a heart so completely in love
Untarnished by self—as pure as a dove
Could make me tingle and inwardly glow
I was sure of her love when she looked at me so

She looked like your mother—as pretty as you
I saw her again as you came into view
Her sweet look of love I remember the most.
And as for her cooking—she couldn’t make toast

Return to Original Melody and Temp

The kids kept their eyes closed til grandpa said Ralph
And Lily it’s snack time. Just guess what we’ll have
Ralph winked at his mother remembering then
That she had a toaster; he gave her a grin

They all walked together for cookies and milk
And grandma stayed near him as silent as silk
Not begging but asking how long can I stay?
As long as my love last. You never will fade.

Last edited on Fri Aug 14th, 2020 11:35 pm by MASempine

What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
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 Posted: Sat Aug 15th, 2020 12:41 am
2nd Post
TSF Administrator

Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7043
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
It's a very sweet theme.

I like the idea of the melody and tempo change whilst he is remembering to separate that from the narrative story.

My favorite line:
I saw her again as you came into view

I'm wary of breaking phrases across lines like
...said Ralph
And Lily...
It can work, but it depends on how it sounds and where the pauses are.

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 Posted: Sat Aug 15th, 2020 12:06 pm
3rd Post
M.P. Dudash

Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1348
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
I really like the sentiment of this one. Some great lines in this. I think you could get by without the Ralph and lily verse as the last one is very good on it’s own. Nice work

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 Posted: Wed Aug 26th, 2020 04:55 pm
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Very smooth with tempo change

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