The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters Home 

Welcome to The Songwriters' Forum - by Songwriters, for Songwriters!
Please log on to view our discussion forum in its entirety.

Mr. Distance
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
 Rate Topic 
AuthorPost
 Posted: Fri Aug 7th, 2020 03:43 pm
  PMQuoteReply
1st Post
ShrimpTastic
Member


Joined: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 33
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Here's a song I wrote and recorded a week or two ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mj-x_osUTHE

I am also teaching myself basic video editing, so if you find the puppets and raining driving footage distracting, here is the same song on my Spotify page.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2qYVNFWuNSeowZK7dvYTLh?si=dzTAms2QRcaeBxhDpeGFQQ

Mr. Distance is a song about what is happening right now in the United States, and how trapped I feel as a result. Here are the lyrics:


How do I get over? Where will I go?
Even when it's OK to go anywhere
What else could be spoken now, blinded like you do?
No one pays attention anyway

And some of the rides have ended
Spinning pieces on the ground
Vanished in an instant
Ghost Town

Look away, Mr. Distance
We heard you missed us on the floor
Nobody will listen
Put away your mission
You ain't going nowhere

Now everything is open, everything is closed
No use in pretending anymore
The fallen and the broken, scatter neatly in a row
Pick those pieces up from the floor

Dust and shadows we are, leaves in the wind
Seasons turning over as we fly
Summertime is ending, Tonic and the Gin
Never let us speak of it again

Look away, Mr. Distance
We heard you missed us on the floor
Nobody will listen
Put away your mission
You ain't going nowhere


Thanks for listening and I would welcome any feedback. :)



____________________
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM32ubo9Glp_85PJNYt14kQ/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/6aOXJx6dF1oQ0GMGEYf5lJ?si=Nf0p6hXySNqMNCgxe2QjDw
Back To Top 


 Posted: Fri Aug 7th, 2020 05:26 pm
  PMQuoteReply
2nd Post
ChrisPrice
Contributor


Joined: Sun Jun 30th, 2019
Location: Loscoe, Derbyshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 694
Favorite Artist: Too many to list here
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I love this. You play a good acoustic guitar..finger picking is something I can't do so well. A good vocal, I like the words which seem appropriate just now. I can't fault this in any way. I like the video too. Keep em coming..I enjoyed this.:)



____________________
Everything louder than everything else
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Aug 8th, 2020 01:43 am
  PMQuoteReply
3rd Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7152
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Lovely song! Really strong. I would buy this song.

You sing well, and the highlight for me is the vocal on:
Look away, Mr. Distance
I also like the internal rhyme with "missed us" on the following line

"Mr Distance" is a great phrase and a lovely concise way to express that concept.

Strong finger picking, and it suits the overall melancholy feel of the song. Interestingly, I think with different treatments, this song could sit in pop, folk or country quite easily.

I like the slightly poetic feel you've got going. Lines like:
How do I get over?
Now everything is open, everything is closed

express a lot without needing explanation.

Having a video is a good idea - you can reach a lot more people and there's potential for a revenue stream.
Not sure about the puppet, don't think it fits the song, but it's cute and novel and may encourage people to share it. The cuts between the rain and the puppet feel a bit quick and harsh, maybe transition them more slowly? You can also have singing during the rain sequences, I don't think we need to see the puppet sing every line.

But the song itself is brilliant.



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Aug 8th, 2020 02:22 am
  PMQuoteReply
4th Post
JAPOV
Member


Joined: Mon Jul 17th, 2017
Location: Alabama USA
Posts: 705
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
"The fallen and the broken, scatter neatly in a row..."
Great line! :)

My kind of lava...lol



____________________
http://www.soundclick.com/JAPOV
Let's write something!!!! :)
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Aug 8th, 2020 06:01 pm
  PMQuoteReply
5th Post
ShrimpTastic
Member


Joined: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 33
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Thanks everyone for the positive feedback.

Yeah the video is pretty... bad. I'm still just getting started with video editing and production. It is very much its own beast to conquer.

And "My Kind of Lava". I grabbed some National Geographic footage, scrambled it, and tried to time each cut to the 1 beat. Gave up halfway through, it's really tedious to do so.:D



____________________
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM32ubo9Glp_85PJNYt14kQ/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/6aOXJx6dF1oQ0GMGEYf5lJ?si=Nf0p6hXySNqMNCgxe2QjDw
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Aug 8th, 2020 09:08 pm
  PMQuoteReply
6th Post
ASecretMeaning
Member


Joined: Sun Jun 28th, 2020
Location: Exeter, United Kingdom
Posts: 76
Favorite Artist: Chvrches, Blossoms, Fleetwood Mac, Status Quo, The Pretty Reckless, Beatles
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
That's a really good song, I really like it.

If you hadn't said that it's about what is happening now in the USA I would have just given it a meaning myself - you can read almost anything into the lyrics.

As a UK resident, I don't know exactly what it is in the US you are referring to, but I hope things feel better for you soon.

The song is really well recorded - I'm curious what you are using?

I also know what you mean about video editing - I had a go at that earlier this year using DaVinci Resolve. What software are you using for that?

Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Aug 8th, 2020 09:59 pm
  PMQuoteReply
7th Post
ShrimpTastic
Member


Joined: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 33
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
ASecretMeaning wrote:
That's a really good song, I really like it.

If you hadn't said that it's about what is happening now in the USA I would have just given it a meaning myself - you can read almost anything into the lyrics.

As a UK resident, I don't know exactly what it is in the US you are referring to, but I hope things feel better for you soon.

The song is really well recorded - I'm curious what you are using?

I also know what you mean about video editing - I had a go at that earlier this year using DaVinci Resolve. What software are you using for that?




I'm glad you like the song, thank you for listening. Yep, the ole U S of A is a little cray cray right now. :D But you're right, it can mean whatever you want it to mean.

I recorded it on a Tascam 8 track, although I only used 2 tracks.

The two mics I used are the MXL V67G Large Capsule Condenser Microphone.

Then I exported the song from the 8track to my laptop. The DAW I use on my laptop is Reaper.

I added a little reverb and compression, then rendered it to a wav file. That was it.

As far as video editing, I am using Adobe Premiere. Eventually, I would like to get into After Effects as well.



____________________
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM32ubo9Glp_85PJNYt14kQ/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/6aOXJx6dF1oQ0GMGEYf5lJ?si=Nf0p6hXySNqMNCgxe2QjDw
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sat Aug 8th, 2020 10:33 pm
  PMQuoteReply
8th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7152
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I think this one has a shelf life well beyond the current craziness.

I'm amazed how simple it is. Just 3 chords and a simple Travis picking pattern, but it sounds fantastic. Mark of quality right there!



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Sat Aug 8th, 2020 11:32 pm
  PMQuoteReply
9th Post
ShrimpTastic
Member


Joined: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 33
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
RainyDayMan wrote:
I think this one has a shelf life well beyond the current craziness.

I'm amazed how simple it is. Just 3 chords and a simple Travis picking pattern, but it sounds fantastic. Mark of quality right there!


Thank you.

Sometimes they just seem to write themselves, and I'm just along for the ride. This one felt like one of those.



____________________
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM32ubo9Glp_85PJNYt14kQ/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/6aOXJx6dF1oQ0GMGEYf5lJ?si=Nf0p6hXySNqMNCgxe2QjDw
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Aug 9th, 2020 01:11 am
  PMQuoteReply
10th Post
moptop
Member


Joined: Mon Jul 8th, 2019
Location: Missouri USA
Posts: 670
Favorite Artist: Beatles, Alan Parsons, Archies, Benny Goodman, anything else good! 60's ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
S/T, I like this very much. Great song and quality mix.
Love the guitar work. Like RDM mentioned, this song message can be revelant anytime and not just now.

I see that you entered it in the Muse contest, I wish you the best of luck! It's definitely a winner.

Well done! Thanks for sharing.



____________________
Take Care, Moptop!

https://soundcloud.com/user-296202890
Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Aug 9th, 2020 01:29 pm
  PMQuoteReply
11th Post
Andrea
Moderator
 

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 2195
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Status: 
Offline
I love the feel of this song. I think too that the lyrics will live past the present time. I think my favorite part is how you sing "look away, Mr. Distance".

I know this is done, but I think if you said 'Pick up those pieces from the floor' it might flow a bit smoother, but that is a nit pick.

Great song :)



____________________
Andrea
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Aug 9th, 2020 03:09 pm
  PMQuoteReply
12th Post
ShrimpTastic
Member


Joined: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 33
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
moptop wrote:


I see that you entered it in the Muse contest, I wish you the best of luck! It's definitely a winner.



I did! And good luck to you as well. I listened to your song entry and I think it's a winner too. Dreamy harmonies. I can picture Ringo singing lead, although (is that your vocal?) the vocalist is much better than Ringo.



____________________
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM32ubo9Glp_85PJNYt14kQ/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/6aOXJx6dF1oQ0GMGEYf5lJ?si=Nf0p6hXySNqMNCgxe2QjDw
Back To Top


 Posted: Sun Aug 9th, 2020 03:11 pm
  PMQuoteReply
13th Post
ShrimpTastic
Member


Joined: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 33
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Andrea wrote:
I love the feel of this song. I think too that the lyrics will live past the present time. I think my favorite part is how you sing "look away, Mr. Distance".

I know this is done, but I think if you said 'Pick up those pieces from the floor' it might flow a bit smoother, but that is a nit pick.

Great song :)


Thank you!

Sometimes with lyrics I will purposely add slightly bad grammar or sentence structure if the feel of the song warrants. I try to be subtle with it. Sometimes I go too far, sometimes not. Great observation!

Last edited on Sun Aug 9th, 2020 03:11 pm by ShrimpTastic



____________________
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM32ubo9Glp_85PJNYt14kQ/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/6aOXJx6dF1oQ0GMGEYf5lJ?si=Nf0p6hXySNqMNCgxe2QjDw
Back To Top 


 Posted: Sun Aug 9th, 2020 04:22 pm
  PMQuoteReply
14th Post
moptop
Member


Joined: Mon Jul 8th, 2019
Location: Missouri USA
Posts: 670
Favorite Artist: Beatles, Alan Parsons, Archies, Benny Goodman, anything else good! 60's ...
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
I can picture Ringo singing lead, although (is that your vocal?) the vocalist is much better than Ringo.

Oh yeah, :? unfortunately it is! But thanks for the prop!



____________________
Take Care, Moptop!

https://soundcloud.com/user-296202890
Back To Top


 Posted: Tue Aug 11th, 2020 04:26 am
  PMQuoteReply
15th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7152
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Played this to my daughter (26) and she loves it too!



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top 


 Posted: Wed Jun 9th, 2021 07:57 am
  PMQuoteReply
16th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7152
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
Just bringing this one back for another spin!



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Wed Jun 9th, 2021 02:46 pm
  PMQuoteReply
17th Post
ShrimpTastic
Member


Joined: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 33
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
RainyDayMan wrote:
Just bringing this one back for another spin!

Wow, thank you again.

Mr. Distance. My covid-19 anthem. :D

Man... 2020... Everything turned upside down for everybody. Coronavirus, protests, fear.

I hadn't written or recorded anything in 5 years when the rona hit. And I haven't written or recorded anything since February.

As terrible as 2020 was in many ways, it sparked my creativity like no other time in my life. I kind of miss it... being that antennae for the universe to send me all kinds of strange and wonderful sounds and images to interpret.

Maybe the creativity will return again. Hopefully without the whole global pandemic thing. :D

Anyway, I'm glad you like Mr. Distance. It's like a 2020 diary entry for me.

Here's a live version of it, with piano instead of guitar:

https://youtu.be/1J_x0wcEs7Y?t=190

Looking back, it all seems pretty crazy. The shrimp character. All of it. In the end, maybe I sort of killed the shrimp off with my last video, which doesn't even have any songs in it, besides the intro. Who knows. Creativity is strange...

If you do go down the Shrimptastic rabbit hole, I would be happy to answer any questions. Shiny Fluffy Unicorns is another song I think is really good, though it is a stylistic departure from Mr. Distance somewhat.

Regardless, thanks again for listening. Writing these songs and creating this weird Shrimptastic universe was therapy for me, more than anything else.

I'm a programmer by trade. You can call the Shrimptastic hotline to order a fake pizza or do so by email at https://shrimptastic.net

Yes, I even made t-shirts... :dude: I would send you one for free if you PM me an address to send it to and your size. I would be honored to do so.

Last edited on Wed Jun 9th, 2021 02:46 pm by ShrimpTastic



____________________
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM32ubo9Glp_85PJNYt14kQ/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/6aOXJx6dF1oQ0GMGEYf5lJ?si=Nf0p6hXySNqMNCgxe2QjDw
Back To Top 


 Posted: Thu Jun 10th, 2021 12:10 am
  PMQuoteReply
18th Post
RainyDayMan
TSF Administrator


Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7152
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
All hail King Pear!



____________________
https://soundcloud.com/RainyDayMan/tracks
https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=708281
Back To Top


 Posted: Thu Jun 10th, 2021 02:01 pm
  PMQuoteReply
19th Post
ShrimpTastic
Member


Joined: Sun Aug 2nd, 2020
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 33
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Singer/Songwriter/Musician
Status: 
Offline
RainyDayMan wrote:
All hail King Pear!

Yes! That may or may not have been a reference to the US President at the time. :D

Here's the 30 second song that clip was referencing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlMQfIQ4uBw



____________________
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM32ubo9Glp_85PJNYt14kQ/

https://open.spotify.com/artist/6aOXJx6dF1oQ0GMGEYf5lJ?si=Nf0p6hXySNqMNCgxe2QjDw
Back To Top 


Current time is 05:17 am

Top



UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2016 Data 1 Systems
Page processed in 0.1907 seconds (8% database + 92% PHP). 31 queries executed.