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Don't know why
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 Posted: Thu Apr 2nd, 2020 03:27 pm
1st Post
Joe mack

Joined: Thu Apr 2nd, 2020
Location: Virginia USA
Posts: 3
Favorite Artist: 
I am a: Songwriter
The trail is rough, all uphill
Times are tough, I love you still
Remember when we danced all night?
Staying close, and it felt right?
My oh my...silver spurs
And a painted sky
Time to ride, time to fly

Wish you were here, I'm all burned out
Took a turn, but it went South
If we are stuck, then let's begin
To fix our love, and ride the wind
When...the time is nigh...
Silver spurs and a painted sky
Time to ride, time to fly

We have scars beneath the skin
Sometimes we lose, sometimes we win
Take a chance, our love is strong
We can fight, but the day is long
Can't stop now, we must fly
With silver spurs and a painted sky
Got to go, don't ask why

We need each other now and then
You need to talk, you need a friend
Grab them silver spurs
There's a painted sky
Side by side, we can fly
Time to go, don't ask why

Last edited on Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 07:39 pm by Joe mack

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 Posted: Fri Apr 3rd, 2020 04:46 pm
2nd Post

Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1234
Favorite Artist: Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, Keith Urban, Billie Holiday, Metallica, Steely Dan
I am a: Songwriter
This is nice, Joe! Simple AAA structure with a coda. Slight typo: Sometimes we lose, wometimes we win. I love the line: Silver spurs and a painted sky Great country lyric! Keep it up!


All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
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 Posted: Sat Apr 4th, 2020 07:41 am
3rd Post
TSF Administrator

Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7043
Favorite Artist: James Taylor, Cat Stevens, Joni Mitchell
I am a: Songwriter/Musician
Good strong structure to your lyric. Feels tight.

I like the images, and especially "Silver spurs and a painted sky" as Charles pointed out.

I can't get a read on the emotion you're going for.

All up it feels like an image seen from a distance more than a story evolving - that's not a criticism, just a comment.

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 Posted: Mon Apr 6th, 2020 11:27 pm
4th Post

Joined: Tue Nov 27th, 2018
Location: Poughkeepsie, New York USA
Posts: 2123
Favorite Artist: Queen, Tom Petty, Metallica, Kansas, Guns N' Roses
I am a: Songwriter
Hi Joe, I think you have something special here. Your hook is incredible. If you join the ideas of the first post with this new post, I think it will come together nicely. Some of these line are killers. I think if you can develop the story from verse to verse, then it will come together. The emotion is strong - keep plugging!

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 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 12:23 am
5th Post

Joined: Fri Jul 10th, 2020
Location: Bridgeport, Alabama USA
Posts: 238
Favorite Artist: Mac Davis, Ray Stevens,
I am a: Songwriter
No issues from my perspective. Got several strengths that have already been mentioned. Good job. Well done.

What God cannot do is an empty list {...}
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 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 05:57 pm
6th Post
M.P. Dudash

Joined: Mon Apr 24th, 2017
Location: Ohio USA
Posts: 1348
Favorite Artist: George Jones, Coe, Twitty, Paycheck, Gosdin, Daryle Singletary
I am a: Other
Joe, agree with the others on the silver spurs painted sky line, very nice. I don’t care for word nigh. It may be just me but it reminds me of what I would hear In a Christmas song. Other than that it works.

Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress

BMI IPI#1080090395
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 Posted: Sun Aug 16th, 2020 03:24 am
7th Post

Joined: Sun Dec 25th, 2016
Location: Milwaukee, USA
Posts: 343
Favorite Artist: Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, Tim McGraw, Kenny Chesney, Garth Brooks
I am a: Singer/Songwriter
Simple and heartfelt. I'm curious what style of Country you want this in
(70s-80s traditional,
90's neo traditional/contemporary,
2000's Modern,
2000's Crossover Country-Pop).

My music is 50% Country, 50% Pop/Rock (25% Rock and 25% Pop).
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