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“No One is to Blame“
 Moderated by: Troy33, RainyDayMan, HankTheTank
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 Posted: Sun Feb 2nd, 2020 10:12 pm
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Becki5
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"NO ONE IS TO BLAME"



When you're young, decisions are made with a much lighter heart
Not knowing where it will take you or if it will tear your life apart

I always reached out with both hands
Hoping you would do the same
But like a mirage you weren't there
No one is to blame


Just one time, one time, I would’ve liked to hear you say
“I’m proud of you even if things didn’t go your way,”
Who knows, who knows, if I’d be a better person now
Someplace, somewhere, someway, somehow.


I took life as it was handed
Thought that it would always pan out
Never judged your imperfections
No "I love you’s" left unquestioned

Those endless promises you made
Amusement parks and baseball games
But like the seasons your mind had changed
No one is to blame



Just one time, one time, I would’ve liked to hear you say
“I’m proud of you even if things didn’t go your way,”
Who knows, who knows, if I’d be a better person now
Someplace, somewhere, someway, somehow.


I just wanted your attention
Not to mention love and affection
But with that heart of stone
You had left me all alone

Your approval was much so needed
And now my love for you has weeded
Just like a dying flame
No one is to blame

Just one time, one time, I would’ve liked to hear you say
“I’m proud of you even if things didn’t go your way,”
Who knows, who knows, if I’d be a better person now
Someplace, somewhere, someway, and somehow.


This feeling is too familiar
Just looking to need to know here
When this emotion will succumb
I feel like I'm the only one

This pain has left me to discover
Oh, how my heart and mind won't recover
How do you forgive someone with no soul?
Scarred for life, forcing up a wall


Just one time, one time, I would’ve liked to hear you say
“I’m proud of you even if things didn’t go your way,”
Who knows, who knows, if I’d be a better person now
Someplace, somewhere, someway, and somehow.


Like a frown, you pulled me down
More than I have should allowed
Tried to refrain from this pain
So many pieces still remain

No excuses
It is useless
Can’t look back
Too many issues
Simple and plain
You were the blame
Now I look at you with disdain

Just one time, one time, I would’ve liked to hear you say
“I’m proud of you even if things didn’t go your way,”
Who knows, who knows, if I’d be a better person now
Someplace, somewhere, someway, and somehow.

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 Posted: Tue Feb 4th, 2020 08:01 am
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RainyDayMan
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I like the overall feel of this. I like the conversational tone, and it just seems like something you might hear on an album.

The "Just one time..." part seems like the chorus and certainly feels like something you would sing out on.
It would be great if you could fit the "No one is to blame" line in there. It's not a necessity, but if that is the key message, then the chorus is the key place to put it.

Although you repeat "No one is to blame", the lyric feels quite negative towards the other party which I'm interpreting as a man. Unless you mean this to be ironic I'm not sure your message is consistent there.

The rhyming scheme is a bit intermittent. You have some clear rhymes in there like needed/weeded attention/affection in consecutive lines, but in the verse "I always reached out..." the rhyme is on lines 2 and 4.
That's a choice you can make, but be aware that brains are pattern recognition machines, and people are very good at picking rhyming schemes. It can feel dissonant when those patterns change half-way through.

It might help you to label which parts are meant to sound the same and which are deliberately different.
So the first two lines look like an intro, then verse then chorus but after that is two verses? Or a verse followed by a lift into the chorus? Or a bridge? Even if you aren't writing the music yourself, thinking about the structure is a good idea and can help you be consistent. It can also help others (such as us!) to better understand how your song is meant to sound.

All that said, I think the song has good potential. Just needs a bit more structure and consistency.



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 Posted: Wed Feb 5th, 2020 09:08 pm
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Becki5
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Hi RDM! Thank you for your feedback! I am learning as I go, so I am taking what everyone is teaching me into consideration. A lot of your suggestions make sense to me (placing "No one is to blame" in the chorus, the rhyme scheme, and the structure of the lyrics (chorus, hook, bridge). I think, once I figure out a tune to these lyrics it will be easier to place the lyrics. Is that a "chicken or the egg" thing? What does usually comes first the lyrics or the tune??

And, yes, "No one is to blame" means I kept making excuses for my parent's neglect, giving him chance after chance in hopes he would reach out and connect, eventually realizing that it was a losing battle and it was not going to happen and that he was to blame.

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 Posted: Wed Feb 5th, 2020 10:49 pm
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RainyDayMan
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Becki5 wrote:
I think, once I figure out a tune to these lyrics it will be easier to place the lyrics. Is that a "chicken or the egg" thing? What does usually comes first the lyrics or the tune?

There's no single right answer to that. It can be either way or both together. If you write something that feels "finished" you may still need to adjust it when it's set to music.

My view is that it is easier, and more likely to be put to music if someone can see the pieces clearly in the lyric.
There are times when you read a lyric and can feel the rhythm in it, sense the mood, and almost hear the music. Those are the times I've seen people here on TSF reach out and say "hey can I try putting this to music?"



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 Posted: Wed Feb 5th, 2020 11:15 pm
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Becki5
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Thank you RDM! I wasn't sure if there was a particular sequence in writing music. I appreciate your response.

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 Posted: Fri Feb 7th, 2020 03:02 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Becki5, I like the relatable message. I think many will relate. I do however see some changes that might help but may cause a total rework.
Ex. Just one time, one time, I would’ve liked to hear you say
“I’m proud of you even if things didn’t go your way,”
Who knows, who knows, if I’d be In a better place
Somewhere, somehow, or even someway

Just my thoughts. Nice job



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 Posted: Fri Feb 7th, 2020 03:02 pm
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M.P. Dudash
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Becki5, I like the relatable message. I think many will relate. I do however see some changes that might help but may cause a total rework.
Ex. Just one time, one time, I would’ve liked to hear you say
“I’m proud of you even if things didn’t go your way,”
Who knows, who knows, if I’d be In a better place
Somewhere, somehow, or even someway

Just my thoughts. Nice job



____________________
Takamine GN71CE Sunburst
Marlen Sd-10(Supposedly used on a Byrds recording)
Self teaching in progress

BMI IPI#1080090395
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 Posted: Fri Feb 7th, 2020 07:21 pm
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Becki5
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Thank you for the feedback M.P.! I like hearing different ideas.

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