View single post by cmaja
 Posted: Fri Jun 19th, 2020 04:49 pm
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cmaja



Joined: Fri Mar 22nd, 2019
Location: Kennewick, Washington USA
Posts: 1328
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This is pretty sweet, Nathan... Good job overall. Few suggestions as follows:

1. V1, last line: Keep your sheep from wander, try: Herd your sheep that wander. It a natural tendency to wander, sheep or men. Even as water flows downstream.

2. Chorus: you have where and what in lines 1 and 3. You should keep that going in line 5. Perhaps: ‘Whatever path You choose’ or ‘What You want me to pursue’. Makes line 5 fit a little better with line 6.

3. V2, line 3: I’m never alone, try: ‘I won’t be alone’ or ‘I’ll never be alone’. Line 5: change remove to reduce. Blockage is good, it builds character. Line 6: drop the ‘Of’. Line 8: change secure to safe.

4. Capitalize all references to our Lord —‘you’ should be ‘You’.

Charles



____________________
All songs are from God. Those that are not, aren’t songs at all.
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