View single post by RainbowKeeper
 Posted: Wed Jun 10th, 2020 12:33 am
PMQuoteReplyFull Topic

Joined: Fri Feb 14th, 2020
Location: Germany
Posts: 685
Ok here is what I think:

You are a Shepherd
With whom all needs are covered
You will forever 
Keep your sheep from wander << very nice verse!

You speak in ways that
Differs you from imposters
You know me better
Than I’ll ever discover
<< I like the image you create with the first lines, but I’d be careful with words like „imposter“ in a song, specially if it’s at the end of a line. The second part is really genius! My fave line in the whole piece!

Where you walk
I will too
What you do
I will do
I will trust you
In the pastures you choose
<< I’d change the one line: what you do.... into: what you say/ what you ask me too...or: answer it with: I will praise

You come a little closer 
In times of stormy weather 
I’m never alone
With you my fears are over

You remove all
The obstacles I can’t jump over
You clear my routes
And keep me secure from danger
<< same as I Said above with the word „obstacles“ for a singer words like that are always difficult. And I think this line is maybe a good chance to express a double meaning...thinking about a word, instead of obstacles, that means the same but not only physical, also mental. Mhhhh...

I’ll stay in your house
Until my last day

Finally: I like your pure character of writing! I like the style of the lines are connected. Sometimes you use simple words that sound good if you speak it, but can be tricky for melody and singing. I, myself am a fan of double meanings of a line or even only one word, that can be a very powerful way of writing. Specially when it’s only one line and the rest is pure written. So I’d encourage you to find those words and build such lines. Only because it can give the whole thing a little bit more „spice“. I guess you know what I mean, and it is (of cause) no must, just an idea of mine.

Ty for those lyrics!

Last edited on Wed Jun 10th, 2020 12:34 am by RainbowKeeper

Hey y’all !
Im new here and tryin to figure out how this forum works!
Interested in convos about good music and specially about songwriting, lyrics and ideas. All my stuff is protected! copyright by FabIan Peters

Close Window