View single post by RainyDayMan
 Posted: Thu Dec 19th, 2019 08:48 am
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RainyDayMan



Joined: Thu May 17th, 2007
Location: Stratford, Australia
Posts: 7133
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I like the chorus here. That flows nicely.

Verse one feels a bit convoluted to me, it doesn't have that same flow to it.

The bridge is another strong point.
You might consider:
Maybe someday, I’ll get up and leave you
to link it to the prev lines.

Verse 2 and the mother feels too indirect, almost a distraction. In real life of course it would be entirely relevant and a tragedy, but for the song it just seems to change focus unnecessarily.

But the love/hate relationship seems right on.



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